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for Quest of the Animal World

5/27 c6 aviick
Like a plate of aged sushi... LOL!

I like how you sometimes write about intention taking a different course, as that can be an opportunity to learn. Here, Johan tries to show Snow a part of his story/history and ends up serving up information that may not reflect him/his intentions. Room for error/conflict that can be further explored as the story continues.
5/27 c5 aviick
Again, I like the notes where you identify references that may be familiar. I also appreciate that you start the chapter by suggesting the relationship begins to form (or is better differentiated) as the story begins to really develop them as individuals as well as how they will interact.
5/27 c4 aviick
This change in storytelling continues to be intriguing! I also like the reference to the clam "chowder" from MD. The details provided about Queen Atta and #229 also shows a shift in dynamics than what you would traditionally write. This helps with giving the characters more presence.
5/13 c3 aviick
Vore, huh? Interesting.

I like how subtly you are providing the reader with insight into Snow's awareness of her surroundings. She has adapted to this event and is already seeking to gain insight into the situation in place of being some helpless character. I appreciate that!
5/13 c2 aviick
I like the use of color in this chapter and the lively dynamic between Jonah and Snow already. Were you going for an almost matched pair where one may have strength where the other lacks? Or am I jumping ahead too far? Would like to see where this goes!
5/13 c1 aviick
Wow! This really is pretty exciting to see you try a reversal scenario. I really appreciate the attention to details as Snow gets ready and is only in her mundane frame of mind to suddenly be dragged into a life-altering experience (ah, discovery!). Can't wait to read on!
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