for Far Away From Home10/29/2024 c1 
6Viewer27Man
He's bored and alone in jail until he hears and sees something new and strange. A self-proclaimed emperor of half of the galaxy with 3 eyes wants a ordinary guy to open the door, except he's shy about the 3-eyed guy, and more interested in the blue cabin's interior. The ordinary guy asks about the galaxy's name expecting the normal answer, but 3-eyes has a different one. One denial of dream denial later a sage is mentioned missing and 3-eye has a big exclamation. The ordinary doesn't know the planet except that it's not earth. The emperor vows to get him back, his 2nd vow, and the ordinary guy doesn't get that's supposed to be a cool thing. How long til day? The hours are different and so are the stars. The emperor recommends resting so the ordinary guy can't disagree so he climbs in his hammock. The emperor guesses the sage switched places with the ordinary guy, but he doesn't know why, but he doesn't like him. The ordinary guy tries to sleep, the truth is unclear, and the emperor is finally let out of that room. An entity looks around with a purple crystal knowing something worked.
That was a really weird start. William is weirded out by Kaiser's appearance and then chats with him notably to find out he's on another planet and likely another galaxy. It's not really clear exactly what's going on, but given how confused William is it seems like it's supposed to be unclear and strange of what's even happening. Adding to the weirdness is that William didn't get a scene about his transportation there or even a scene of him being startled by the transportation process taking him somewhere else, rather it's like William's been at this planet for some short amount of time, and is showing surprise for hearing Kaiser's explanation for where he is.
Right off the bat I had issues picturing exactly what was going on. I wasn't sure who was asking to have the door open until the characters were named and Kaiser was noted as having 3-eyes. As I understand it Kaiser is locked in some jail-like room in a cabin and he wanted William who's there and shy to open the door for him from outside the cell, which I think is only a room in the cabin not the whole cabin.
And something worked for a guy with a purple crystal: probably the sage who made this happen.
Favorite Part: William being weirded out by the strange Kaiser's attempts to sound 'majestic'. Without context it would come off as weird rather than majestic to a normal person.
6Viewer27ManHe's bored and alone in jail until he hears and sees something new and strange. A self-proclaimed emperor of half of the galaxy with 3 eyes wants a ordinary guy to open the door, except he's shy about the 3-eyed guy, and more interested in the blue cabin's interior. The ordinary guy asks about the galaxy's name expecting the normal answer, but 3-eyes has a different one. One denial of dream denial later a sage is mentioned missing and 3-eye has a big exclamation. The ordinary doesn't know the planet except that it's not earth. The emperor vows to get him back, his 2nd vow, and the ordinary guy doesn't get that's supposed to be a cool thing. How long til day? The hours are different and so are the stars. The emperor recommends resting so the ordinary guy can't disagree so he climbs in his hammock. The emperor guesses the sage switched places with the ordinary guy, but he doesn't know why, but he doesn't like him. The ordinary guy tries to sleep, the truth is unclear, and the emperor is finally let out of that room. An entity looks around with a purple crystal knowing something worked.
That was a really weird start. William is weirded out by Kaiser's appearance and then chats with him notably to find out he's on another planet and likely another galaxy. It's not really clear exactly what's going on, but given how confused William is it seems like it's supposed to be unclear and strange of what's even happening. Adding to the weirdness is that William didn't get a scene about his transportation there or even a scene of him being startled by the transportation process taking him somewhere else, rather it's like William's been at this planet for some short amount of time, and is showing surprise for hearing Kaiser's explanation for where he is.
Right off the bat I had issues picturing exactly what was going on. I wasn't sure who was asking to have the door open until the characters were named and Kaiser was noted as having 3-eyes. As I understand it Kaiser is locked in some jail-like room in a cabin and he wanted William who's there and shy to open the door for him from outside the cell, which I think is only a room in the cabin not the whole cabin.
And something worked for a guy with a purple crystal: probably the sage who made this happen.
Favorite Part: William being weirded out by the strange Kaiser's attempts to sound 'majestic'. Without context it would come off as weird rather than majestic to a normal person.
11/26/2023 c11 6Darth Zannacross
Keeper seems a bit uptight but based on what's been going on I guess its understandable. So we at last get some answers, finding out about Soul Echoes, though sadly for William he's stuck with Kaiser for a while longer it seems, all but" Attached at the hip."
Well, this might be the tip of the iceberg but we will see what is uncovered soon.
6Darth ZannacrossKeeper seems a bit uptight but based on what's been going on I guess its understandable. So we at last get some answers, finding out about Soul Echoes, though sadly for William he's stuck with Kaiser for a while longer it seems, all but" Attached at the hip."
Well, this might be the tip of the iceberg but we will see what is uncovered soon.
11/25/2023 c10 Darth Zannacross
Oh great, a robot with sass...they could end up in pieces if they don't pay attention lol.
Anyway, hopefully we won't need the ghost Busters to deal with this ghost. Well, the bed clash was won by the " duo" but lets see if they can win bigger victories soon.
Oh great, a robot with sass...they could end up in pieces if they don't pay attention lol.
Anyway, hopefully we won't need the ghost Busters to deal with this ghost. Well, the bed clash was won by the " duo" but lets see if they can win bigger victories soon.
11/23/2023 c9 Darth Zannacross
In this sphere we get a bit more motives to how messed up things have been, and see what is driving William, causing him and Kaiser to bond a bit more...still not sure if he's a real Emperor unless its a place with real lax standards lol.
Anyway lets see how things role with this sphere.
In this sphere we get a bit more motives to how messed up things have been, and see what is driving William, causing him and Kaiser to bond a bit more...still not sure if he's a real Emperor unless its a place with real lax standards lol.
Anyway lets see how things role with this sphere.
11/12/2023 c8 Darth Zannacross
After a not so mature start to the chapter, Kaiser and William get there act together to get closer to the Keeper, though Kaiser loses more cred after we see the true nature of the Keeper, doh.
Well, guess we will see just how presentable they really are soon enough.
After a not so mature start to the chapter, Kaiser and William get there act together to get closer to the Keeper, though Kaiser loses more cred after we see the true nature of the Keeper, doh.
Well, guess we will see just how presentable they really are soon enough.
9/24/2023 c1 19dmasterxd
Very neat prologue to start off the story. Got a good sense of William’s and Kaiser’s characters already as well as what their dynamic is going to be like. Kaiser seems like he’s a triclops which is interesting.
There’s also some nice bit of intrigue being set up as well. Who is the Emperor of the other half of the galaxy? Why was William sent here? Who is the Sage? What vendetta does Kaiser have against the Sage? Lots of mysteries to explore.
19dmasterxdVery neat prologue to start off the story. Got a good sense of William’s and Kaiser’s characters already as well as what their dynamic is going to be like. Kaiser seems like he’s a triclops which is interesting.
There’s also some nice bit of intrigue being set up as well. Who is the Emperor of the other half of the galaxy? Why was William sent here? Who is the Sage? What vendetta does Kaiser have against the Sage? Lots of mysteries to explore.
9/26/2022 c1 11Madcinder
There is a good start of mystery here, and if you keep it up like this it could be quite an interesting story. I have no idea where it's going to go from here, but it has my curiosity.
Just about all of my criticism is technical stuff, spelling and grammar, but also some word choice. There's plenty to fix up, but the main thing that just rubbed me wrong was the repeated referring to William as 'the Caucasian one'. You really need to find a better way to refer to him. Everything else can wait, as far as I'm concerned, but that's got to go.
11MadcinderThere is a good start of mystery here, and if you keep it up like this it could be quite an interesting story. I have no idea where it's going to go from here, but it has my curiosity.
Just about all of my criticism is technical stuff, spelling and grammar, but also some word choice. There's plenty to fix up, but the main thing that just rubbed me wrong was the repeated referring to William as 'the Caucasian one'. You really need to find a better way to refer to him. Everything else can wait, as far as I'm concerned, but that's got to go.
9/25/2022 c7 6Darth Zannacross
Not quite how I expected things to proceed from here but I guess it make's sense, the" Kaiser"s pride caved to hunger and what not, we will see how long it takes for Kaiser to realize how deluded he is...
6Darth ZannacrossNot quite how I expected things to proceed from here but I guess it make's sense, the" Kaiser"s pride caved to hunger and what not, we will see how long it takes for Kaiser to realize how deluded he is...
9/24/2022 c6 Darth Zannacross
We have a lot of questions between the truth about the fate of Earth and if Kaiser is a phony, guess we will see what the true answer is sooner or later.
We have a lot of questions between the truth about the fate of Earth and if Kaiser is a phony, guess we will see what the true answer is sooner or later.
9/22/2022 c5 Darth Zannacross
These" Lords" are clearly not the lords of smooth talking the ladies it seems...oh my.
Well...hopefully are Muddy" Lord" won't do anything to the alien gal to put him on the sexual assault list or something...mamma Mia.
These" Lords" are clearly not the lords of smooth talking the ladies it seems...oh my.
Well...hopefully are Muddy" Lord" won't do anything to the alien gal to put him on the sexual assault list or something...mamma Mia.
9/13/2022 c1 JaveHarron
Okay, a few points on the first chapter. William might only be a teenager, but meeting an alien that speaks English and uses a German imperial title might raise a few eyebrows. Same for issues of bio-compatibility on an alien world. What about factors like subtle changes in gravity? Or how William may find minor things off, like patterns of stars in the sky? A few creative metaphors could really drive home your interactions this early on.
Okay, a few points on the first chapter. William might only be a teenager, but meeting an alien that speaks English and uses a German imperial title might raise a few eyebrows. Same for issues of bio-compatibility on an alien world. What about factors like subtle changes in gravity? Or how William may find minor things off, like patterns of stars in the sky? A few creative metaphors could really drive home your interactions this early on.
8/28/2022 c4 Darth Zannacross
Gaze city has not had the most civilized welcome, but we will see what this lady adds to the mix.
Gaze city has not had the most civilized welcome, but we will see what this lady adds to the mix.
8/25/2022 c3 Darth Zannacross
That was a nice speech to kick things off, Kaiser takes things seriously and all.
I see are Emperor got the Swamp thing treatment...just a tad more messy or...something, lets hope the mud monster cools down in time or this is going to be a drag...but we will see what this entity has planned for the Kaiser soon I guess.
That was a nice speech to kick things off, Kaiser takes things seriously and all.
I see are Emperor got the Swamp thing treatment...just a tad more messy or...something, lets hope the mud monster cools down in time or this is going to be a drag...but we will see what this entity has planned for the Kaiser soon I guess.
6/19/2022 c2 Darth Zannacross
And so the trip to the city begins, and its getting a tad muddy. William better find that resolve if he wants to ensure his adventure does not fall apart but we will see.
And so the trip to the city begins, and its getting a tad muddy. William better find that resolve if he wants to ensure his adventure does not fall apart but we will see.
6/17/2022 c1 Darth Zannacross
Lets see what this story far away form home is like. We start off with William and Kaizer, guess we will see if Kaizer is all talk or not, depends on what this dude with the purple crystal does I guess.
Lets see what this story far away form home is like. We start off with William and Kaizer, guess we will see if Kaizer is all talk or not, depends on what this dude with the purple crystal does I guess.