for The Light of the World5/19 c30 
5glide10001
This chapter gave a lighter side of Harold. He's had some pretty rough going to date. A lot of how I see him is going to depend on whether he keeps his promise and cleans up the porridge pot.
5glide10001This chapter gave a lighter side of Harold. He's had some pretty rough going to date. A lot of how I see him is going to depend on whether he keeps his promise and cleans up the porridge pot.
5/18 c29 glide10001
I don't mean to beat a dead horse, but this would work really well in first person rather than third. I'm reading it as if it was Cathy's journal even in third person.
I don't mean to beat a dead horse, but this would work really well in first person rather than third. I'm reading it as if it was Cathy's journal even in third person.
5/16 c28 glide10001
I enjoyed finding out some about Walter and Marie's history.
Question: Why did you write this in third person rather than first person from Marie's perspective?
I enjoyed finding out some about Walter and Marie's history.
Question: Why did you write this in third person rather than first person from Marie's perspective?
5/13 c27 glide10001
1. Not Marie's finest hour. I had to double check that she wasn't one of the children when she was complaining so much about handling baggage on the train.
2. Walter came back well from threatening to fight his son. I really liked his admitting to the kids that it was hard for him to trust even God with his family.
I enjoy that your characters have both strengths and weaknesses.
1. Not Marie's finest hour. I had to double check that she wasn't one of the children when she was complaining so much about handling baggage on the train.
2. Walter came back well from threatening to fight his son. I really liked his admitting to the kids that it was hard for him to trust even God with his family.
I enjoy that your characters have both strengths and weaknesses.
5/11 c26 glide10001
Interesting to find out that Cathy has not yet accepted Christ into her heart. That gives me something to look forward to.
Interesting to find out that Cathy has not yet accepted Christ into her heart. That gives me something to look forward to.
5/9 c25 glide10001
I'm glad they got through without Harold shooting a hole in the aside of the boat.
I'm glad they got through without Harold shooting a hole in the aside of the boat.
5/5 c24 glide10001
This was a great "for lack of a nail... a battle was lost" chapter. Also, it ending with Cathy and Stevie asleep on a park bench is a cliffhanger which you haven't done before. Probably your best overall chapter yet.
This was a great "for lack of a nail... a battle was lost" chapter. Also, it ending with Cathy and Stevie asleep on a park bench is a cliffhanger which you haven't done before. Probably your best overall chapter yet.
5/3 c23 glide10001
I enjoyed Cathy's reaction to the other girl's fine clothes and shoes. It added a sense of normalcy to her.
I enjoyed Cathy's reaction to the other girl's fine clothes and shoes. It added a sense of normalcy to her.
4/30 c21 glide10001
I liked how the kids from a small island wanted to experience the train. It represented one of the many things in their near future that they have heard of but never experienced.
I liked how the kids from a small island wanted to experience the train. It represented one of the many things in their near future that they have heard of but never experienced.
4/27 c19 glide10001
Stevie is an annoying child. But I tend to find kids that age annoying. It's not their fault and you have written him realistically.
Stevie is an annoying child. But I tend to find kids that age annoying. It's not their fault and you have written him realistically.
4/22 c18 glide10001
The close passage with the Europa added excitement. The fact that it was a German ship gave it a little extra oomph.
The close passage with the Europa added excitement. The fact that it was a German ship gave it a little extra oomph.
4/20 c17 glide10001
Very nice details on the technical aspects of ocean navigation. You must have experience asea.
Very nice details on the technical aspects of ocean navigation. You must have experience asea.
4/18 c16 glide10001
The line where Stevie responds to Cathy saying "...each much admired spot. Adieu!" with the question "Where's Addoo?" Strikes home to me. When my kids were small, my wife had to take a trip to Seattle. When she told the kids that she was going to Seattle, the youngest asked "Where's Attle?"
I liked the chapter ending with Cathy's epiphany that home is wherever her family is. Great positive ending.
Good chapter.
The line where Stevie responds to Cathy saying "...each much admired spot. Adieu!" with the question "Where's Addoo?" Strikes home to me. When my kids were small, my wife had to take a trip to Seattle. When she told the kids that she was going to Seattle, the youngest asked "Where's Attle?"
I liked the chapter ending with Cathy's epiphany that home is wherever her family is. Great positive ending.
Good chapter.
4/17 c15 glide10001
I like the dichotomy of Cathy hating to leave but it also being the opportunity for the clean break from Robert which would have been much more difficult if she had stayed.
Constructive criticism: Find a way to write around the footnotes. Scrolling to the end of the chapter and then having to hunt for my place back up the page is distracting. It would be better to me to not have them and guess the meaning of the words from context.
I like the dichotomy of Cathy hating to leave but it also being the opportunity for the clean break from Robert which would have been much more difficult if she had stayed.
Constructive criticism: Find a way to write around the footnotes. Scrolling to the end of the chapter and then having to hunt for my place back up the page is distracting. It would be better to me to not have them and guess the meaning of the words from context.