for Young and A Serial Killer8/12 c11 
17cud-b-better
Okay, I think Jeong should avoid bringing up people that have gone missing (or rather she killed) in the past. When she intends to take another life, and probably have them disappear as well, I'm sure her friend would get suspicious if people that get involved with her keep disappearing.
But we're clearly heading into the get the future victim's trust before she offs them.
17cud-b-betterOkay, I think Jeong should avoid bringing up people that have gone missing (or rather she killed) in the past. When she intends to take another life, and probably have them disappear as well, I'm sure her friend would get suspicious if people that get involved with her keep disappearing.
But we're clearly heading into the get the future victim's trust before she offs them.
2/26 c10 cud-b-better
Nothing much really happening, I guess the calm before the storm. Jeong's mind being restless can't help but sense the darkness within every one of her actions or thoughts. I'm wondering if she is getting some kind of inspiration from the things she's viewing. Anyway, I know we are slowly moving towards the second victim's obvious demise.
Nothing much really happening, I guess the calm before the storm. Jeong's mind being restless can't help but sense the darkness within every one of her actions or thoughts. I'm wondering if she is getting some kind of inspiration from the things she's viewing. Anyway, I know we are slowly moving towards the second victim's obvious demise.
2/3 c9 cud-b-better
Okay, her sights are set on the second victim. I'm kind of curious if all her victims have the innocence in common, or whether she is going to broaden her horizons a little. Now I'm looking forward to how she will get closer to her victim, and more importantly, bring about her demise.
BTW, I wouldn't worry too much about not being able to explain how she gets away with the murders. Most people reading this story are probably not all that interested in it (I'm probably the exception). For me the dark humour and good narration are some of the main highlights.
Okay, her sights are set on the second victim. I'm kind of curious if all her victims have the innocence in common, or whether she is going to broaden her horizons a little. Now I'm looking forward to how she will get closer to her victim, and more importantly, bring about her demise.
BTW, I wouldn't worry too much about not being able to explain how she gets away with the murders. Most people reading this story are probably not all that interested in it (I'm probably the exception). For me the dark humour and good narration are some of the main highlights.
1/27 c8 cud-b-better
Okay, so her next target is this Katherine. Wondering whether her victims all had something in common. I loved the prelude and comparing karaoke to an addiction that would lead someone to their demise. I look forward to your explanation about how she manages to get away with her crimes. Here's me hoping it isn't something like she is sleeping with the lead investigator.
Anyway, up to date, ready for more insanity.
Okay, so her next target is this Katherine. Wondering whether her victims all had something in common. I loved the prelude and comparing karaoke to an addiction that would lead someone to their demise. I look forward to your explanation about how she manages to get away with her crimes. Here's me hoping it isn't something like she is sleeping with the lead investigator.
Anyway, up to date, ready for more insanity.
1/26 c7 cud-b-better
Yep, she is totally broken. I was kind of hoping for Sam to give a "What are you doing?" to make this a bit more impactful, in the emotional sense. But he left the world of the living before he even knew what was what. I guess making it sudden also works, shows how frail his life was.
But I'm confused how she wouldn't get caught after this kill.
I loved the concept she had in her mind of hiding the body was a makeshift game of hide and seek. So treating the fifth kill like that wasn't due to composure as a result from doing it previously, it was a game to her from the very start. It was also dark how killing "felt right", I've just read the birth of a monster. Or rather she already was one and just evolved into a worse one.
Anyway, very well done thus far. The short chapters make this story easily digestible, this is a big plus for a guy with a very short attention span (me). The best part for me was definitely the narrative style. But Jeong is a bit of a mixed bag for me as a character, I mostly despise her, but also cannot help but hold anticipation for what she is going to do.
Yep, she is totally broken. I was kind of hoping for Sam to give a "What are you doing?" to make this a bit more impactful, in the emotional sense. But he left the world of the living before he even knew what was what. I guess making it sudden also works, shows how frail his life was.
But I'm confused how she wouldn't get caught after this kill.
I loved the concept she had in her mind of hiding the body was a makeshift game of hide and seek. So treating the fifth kill like that wasn't due to composure as a result from doing it previously, it was a game to her from the very start. It was also dark how killing "felt right", I've just read the birth of a monster. Or rather she already was one and just evolved into a worse one.
Anyway, very well done thus far. The short chapters make this story easily digestible, this is a big plus for a guy with a very short attention span (me). The best part for me was definitely the narrative style. But Jeong is a bit of a mixed bag for me as a character, I mostly despise her, but also cannot help but hold anticipation for what she is going to do.
1/26 c6 cud-b-better
So she hates that he doesn't put her at the centre of his world. I was thinking the kill was premeditated, but I guess my assumption was off base. He just unintentionally triggered her. You've done well getting into her head the way you've done.
So she hates that he doesn't put her at the centre of his world. I was thinking the kill was premeditated, but I guess my assumption was off base. He just unintentionally triggered her. You've done well getting into her head the way you've done.
1/26 c5 cud-b-better
Well Sam has just put his head under the guillotine. I kind of wonder whether Jeong is actually going to lament, I'm guessing not, but I'm sure I will find out soon.
Well Sam has just put his head under the guillotine. I kind of wonder whether Jeong is actually going to lament, I'm guessing not, but I'm sure I will find out soon.
1/26 c4 cud-b-better
Distorted feelings. But lets just call it love for the time being. Really like that touch. The narration definitely makes this story for me. I was kind of hoping her first kill was going to be a scum, just so that it would feel fulfilling. But this one might leave a sour taste in my mouth, when we reach the inevitable demise.
Distorted feelings. But lets just call it love for the time being. Really like that touch. The narration definitely makes this story for me. I was kind of hoping her first kill was going to be a scum, just so that it would feel fulfilling. But this one might leave a sour taste in my mouth, when we reach the inevitable demise.
1/26 c3 cud-b-better
Okay, no issue with going back to the first victims. As they say the first time is important to a girl. I do feel her thoughts are a bit forced here, although I cannot relate, so maybe this is how a messed up person acts.
Just a few minor typos I noticed:
crossed Jeong's mind as [he] stared at the boy, - [she]
Jeong released a heavy sigh as [he] watched the boy - [she]
Okay, no issue with going back to the first victims. As they say the first time is important to a girl. I do feel her thoughts are a bit forced here, although I cannot relate, so maybe this is how a messed up person acts.
Just a few minor typos I noticed:
crossed Jeong's mind as [he] stared at the boy, - [she]
Jeong released a heavy sigh as [he] watched the boy - [she]
1/26 c2 cud-b-better
Good and deep analogy. But although the king is the most important piece it is also one of the weakest. It also commands the other pieces to kill on its behalf rather than doing the action itself. Sorry, I shouldn't nitpick, but personally wouldn't view her as a king, at least not in my opinion.
But good to know a bit of how she thinks.
Good and deep analogy. But although the king is the most important piece it is also one of the weakest. It also commands the other pieces to kill on its behalf rather than doing the action itself. Sorry, I shouldn't nitpick, but personally wouldn't view her as a king, at least not in my opinion.
But good to know a bit of how she thinks.
1/26 c1 cud-b-better
Okay, you got my attention. A psycho serial killer wondering what to do with a body. But seemingly only doing it for fun rather than to actually conceal the murder. The whole I did that with previous victims, I want to be more original. I'm wondering whether the kill was just a spur of the moment action or premeditated.
So my verdict (based on first chapter), enjoyable read, but I definitely don't want to relate or root for the MC.
Okay, you got my attention. A psycho serial killer wondering what to do with a body. But seemingly only doing it for fun rather than to actually conceal the murder. The whole I did that with previous victims, I want to be more original. I'm wondering whether the kill was just a spur of the moment action or premeditated.
So my verdict (based on first chapter), enjoyable read, but I definitely don't want to relate or root for the MC.
1/17 c8 5LuckyTheStoryteller
Seems like a bit of a time-skip. While I understand that we won't be learning anything of what happened after Sam died, it's interesting that you've chose to omit any information about Jeong's current state of mind. How did she feel about Sam's death? How does she feel about taking a life? We know she felt calm afterwards, but that's all initial. How does she feel now that it's all sunk in?
Furthermore, I'd like to point out that serial killers work on a schedule, they don't just kill everyday after all, that'd make them a spree killer instead. They need an elongated period of time to come off the high before they need to start stalking prey again, so it'd actually be important to show Jeong attempting to resume her everyday life after killing Sam.
Perhaps a part of Jeong feels guilty for giving into her blood lust so easily? Or, instead maybe she's contemplating her favorite part of the kill? Questions like these will need to be answered sooner rather than later, as it will become the basis for what drives Jeong forward.
5LuckyTheStorytellerSeems like a bit of a time-skip. While I understand that we won't be learning anything of what happened after Sam died, it's interesting that you've chose to omit any information about Jeong's current state of mind. How did she feel about Sam's death? How does she feel about taking a life? We know she felt calm afterwards, but that's all initial. How does she feel now that it's all sunk in?
Furthermore, I'd like to point out that serial killers work on a schedule, they don't just kill everyday after all, that'd make them a spree killer instead. They need an elongated period of time to come off the high before they need to start stalking prey again, so it'd actually be important to show Jeong attempting to resume her everyday life after killing Sam.
Perhaps a part of Jeong feels guilty for giving into her blood lust so easily? Or, instead maybe she's contemplating her favorite part of the kill? Questions like these will need to be answered sooner rather than later, as it will become the basis for what drives Jeong forward.
12/20/2022 c6 LuckyTheStoryteller
This is quite accurate behavior to many famous killers. They believe themselves to be superior to others in their ability to manipulate and control, and when that fails their cool facade shatters almost instantly. Miraculously, Jeong didn't immediately snap, a sign that there's still some self control over her need to indulge herself.
This is quite accurate behavior to many famous killers. They believe themselves to be superior to others in their ability to manipulate and control, and when that fails their cool facade shatters almost instantly. Miraculously, Jeong didn't immediately snap, a sign that there's still some self control over her need to indulge herself.
12/5/2022 c3 LuckyTheStoryteller
I'm glad to see we're getting a glimpse into Jeong's life, as well as her personality. It's interesting to see the spark that set off her killing addiction, strange to see it started as loathing but turned into a twisted attraction.
Also, I just wanted to say your work is very descriptive and detailed! I can read Jeong's mental state very easily. I look forward to seeing how this further develops.
P.S.
- Don't worry so much about an upload schedule. You don't have to do weeklies if you don't want to, especially if it starts to become a grind. I only do it, because by the time I started posting I had a ton of content pre-written. Well, that, and also my story is episodic, so I thought it'd be fun to release like a tv show would. If you find it fun as well, then by all means keep doing it, but try not to stress over it, okay?
I'm glad to see we're getting a glimpse into Jeong's life, as well as her personality. It's interesting to see the spark that set off her killing addiction, strange to see it started as loathing but turned into a twisted attraction.
Also, I just wanted to say your work is very descriptive and detailed! I can read Jeong's mental state very easily. I look forward to seeing how this further develops.
P.S.
- Don't worry so much about an upload schedule. You don't have to do weeklies if you don't want to, especially if it starts to become a grind. I only do it, because by the time I started posting I had a ton of content pre-written. Well, that, and also my story is episodic, so I thought it'd be fun to release like a tv show would. If you find it fun as well, then by all means keep doing it, but try not to stress over it, okay?
11/23/2022 c1 LuckyTheStoryteller
Okay, so I just finished reading this, here are my thoughts.
- You've certainly got a hook here, jumping right into the aftermath of Jeong's killing sets the mood well. We have an idea of her M.O., and that she doesn't play favorites with her victims. However, I feel like I've learned nothing about Jeong herself. Mysterious pasts revealed later on and the like aside, how does she feel about all of this? Your narration provided some detail, but I really want to hear it from Jeong herself. Inner monologue, you know? Is she upset that she spilled some blood all over her new shoes? Does she regret not having a better more personal way of killing her former friend? Is she meticulously posing the body for maximum effect when it's eventually discovered, all the while second-guessing herself that maybe she should've just burned it or something?
Also, what does she even look like? Asian, I guess? Vague as that is? We don't have anything description wise to tell us what to picture, not even a description of what she's wearing. It feels like this needs a few more paragraphs to give us the whole picture.
- I'm guessing you've done research into serial killers? They tend to work in a cycle: Static period of no activity Build up to desire to kill Kill Cooldown Repeat. If this is Jeong killing, she's bound to feel more relaxed now that she fed her bloodlust, (Unless she's the weepy-voiced killer), perhaps work that in? Make her seem less worried about hiding the body, and more pleased she did what she did.
On that note, you should take into consideration other factors, like how the vast majority of serial killers kill to feel power over their victims. Maybe have her reminisce in the thrill of taking a life, going through the details of how she did it, (doesn't need to be super detailed).
- I like your writing style, very animated and sarcastic. This will make for an interesting read in the future.
Hope you continue to push this story. Don't give up if traffic feels low! It'll only get better if you keep going!
Okay, so I just finished reading this, here are my thoughts.
- You've certainly got a hook here, jumping right into the aftermath of Jeong's killing sets the mood well. We have an idea of her M.O., and that she doesn't play favorites with her victims. However, I feel like I've learned nothing about Jeong herself. Mysterious pasts revealed later on and the like aside, how does she feel about all of this? Your narration provided some detail, but I really want to hear it from Jeong herself. Inner monologue, you know? Is she upset that she spilled some blood all over her new shoes? Does she regret not having a better more personal way of killing her former friend? Is she meticulously posing the body for maximum effect when it's eventually discovered, all the while second-guessing herself that maybe she should've just burned it or something?
Also, what does she even look like? Asian, I guess? Vague as that is? We don't have anything description wise to tell us what to picture, not even a description of what she's wearing. It feels like this needs a few more paragraphs to give us the whole picture.
- I'm guessing you've done research into serial killers? They tend to work in a cycle: Static period of no activity Build up to desire to kill Kill Cooldown Repeat. If this is Jeong killing, she's bound to feel more relaxed now that she fed her bloodlust, (Unless she's the weepy-voiced killer), perhaps work that in? Make her seem less worried about hiding the body, and more pleased she did what she did.
On that note, you should take into consideration other factors, like how the vast majority of serial killers kill to feel power over their victims. Maybe have her reminisce in the thrill of taking a life, going through the details of how she did it, (doesn't need to be super detailed).
- I like your writing style, very animated and sarcastic. This will make for an interesting read in the future.
Hope you continue to push this story. Don't give up if traffic feels low! It'll only get better if you keep going!