for Royal Flush: House of Hearts1/23 c1 jademist
I recently read your story and absolutely loved it. Your writing is exceptional, and your characters truly stood out to me. I also have some ideas inspired by your story that I believe you would enjoy. If you'd like, I can adapt them in my own style as a commissioned piece. You can reach me on Discord (ID: jademist84) if you're interested, and I’ll ensure top-quality work for you
I recently read your story and absolutely loved it. Your writing is exceptional, and your characters truly stood out to me. I also have some ideas inspired by your story that I believe you would enjoy. If you'd like, I can adapt them in my own style as a commissioned piece. You can reach me on Discord (ID: jademist84) if you're interested, and I’ll ensure top-quality work for you
7/7/2023 c30 
14LittleAlchemist
Danielle's introduction sure made for an impactful scene. I'm not sure what Scarlett can do at this point, if she still wants to be a part of this world. Start toeing the line and prove herself a hundred times until people start to believe she's finally mature and strong enough to be trusted? And if she wants to lead a normal life, well for her sake, hopefully it involves her family supporting her while she gets a degree so she can work a job/jobs that doesn't suck. Even though I don't know the full story, like if Seraphina is just the tip I don't know what the iceberg is, but it seems to make sense across the board. The distance and coldness of Scarlett's parents and grandmother seems to match CJ's mother and grandpa's decision to be distant and keep him in the dark. There's an issue of not knowing who to trust and it's pervasive. Hawkwood being a suspect is a huge indication. And these teenagers who are the normal kind of rebellious and immature are being forced to grow up much faster than usual, and deal with stakes and a reality they don't feel at all ready for. I'm starting to think CJ and Scarlett's parents would've reacted the same way at their age but even that understanding hasn't effected how they've treated their children or introduced them to this life. It could simply be the nature of fighting the Apex and the normal corruption of humans. But since we saw dragons I bet there's still more big revelations ahead too.
14LittleAlchemistDanielle's introduction sure made for an impactful scene. I'm not sure what Scarlett can do at this point, if she still wants to be a part of this world. Start toeing the line and prove herself a hundred times until people start to believe she's finally mature and strong enough to be trusted? And if she wants to lead a normal life, well for her sake, hopefully it involves her family supporting her while she gets a degree so she can work a job/jobs that doesn't suck. Even though I don't know the full story, like if Seraphina is just the tip I don't know what the iceberg is, but it seems to make sense across the board. The distance and coldness of Scarlett's parents and grandmother seems to match CJ's mother and grandpa's decision to be distant and keep him in the dark. There's an issue of not knowing who to trust and it's pervasive. Hawkwood being a suspect is a huge indication. And these teenagers who are the normal kind of rebellious and immature are being forced to grow up much faster than usual, and deal with stakes and a reality they don't feel at all ready for. I'm starting to think CJ and Scarlett's parents would've reacted the same way at their age but even that understanding hasn't effected how they've treated their children or introduced them to this life. It could simply be the nature of fighting the Apex and the normal corruption of humans. But since we saw dragons I bet there's still more big revelations ahead too.
7/7/2023 c29 LittleAlchemist
Scarlett's right about there being no point in being angry at this point. She's suffered so much over things and her exclusion by everyone around her, family and fellows, is painful. I can imagine her turning to CJ once she's out of the hospital, since they're both the same in this regard. Hawkwood being a baddie is another hit, but not a shocking possibility given he was set up as such an important figure we'd not seen much of on a personal level. If we'd seen Hawkwood's kindness and some of his friendships it would be more shocking, but with that said we still don't know for sure, this is Lady Danielle's theory. Shock could still be ahead if we start bouncing between a few suspects a bit before getting our answer. I'm still so curious about Maria. She's an Apex and yet we've only seen her in a sympathetic non-villainous spotlight this whole story, so I'm starting to wonder if it could be true. I'm also eager to see the protagonist again but there's only one other chapter ahead of this one so it could be Scarlett again. As painful as this has been for her, I'm practicing gratitude over the fact that at least things seem relatively safe for her, she's not in immediate danger. And yes I don't know if her grandmother will accept any decision she makes while lying in a hospital bed on pain medication, but at least Scarlett will avoid being so reactive for her own mental wellbeing.
Scarlett's right about there being no point in being angry at this point. She's suffered so much over things and her exclusion by everyone around her, family and fellows, is painful. I can imagine her turning to CJ once she's out of the hospital, since they're both the same in this regard. Hawkwood being a baddie is another hit, but not a shocking possibility given he was set up as such an important figure we'd not seen much of on a personal level. If we'd seen Hawkwood's kindness and some of his friendships it would be more shocking, but with that said we still don't know for sure, this is Lady Danielle's theory. Shock could still be ahead if we start bouncing between a few suspects a bit before getting our answer. I'm still so curious about Maria. She's an Apex and yet we've only seen her in a sympathetic non-villainous spotlight this whole story, so I'm starting to wonder if it could be true. I'm also eager to see the protagonist again but there's only one other chapter ahead of this one so it could be Scarlett again. As painful as this has been for her, I'm practicing gratitude over the fact that at least things seem relatively safe for her, she's not in immediate danger. And yes I don't know if her grandmother will accept any decision she makes while lying in a hospital bed on pain medication, but at least Scarlett will avoid being so reactive for her own mental wellbeing.
7/7/2023 c28 LittleAlchemist
Poor Scarlet, I can't help feeling bad for her, even though she's a rich girl lamenting over her family's money. Still, that feels realistic to me. Happy families as shown on American TV probably don't have as much wealth as she has, so if she grew up watching that she could see the wealth and all the responsibility and danger that it's tied to as a bad thing. And ofc she wants a more supportive family and would appreciate a more vocal love language from her parents, which is completely understandable. But with CJ being kept in the dark by his family I can't help but wonder if all the adults here are privy to a dark, delicate truth which makes them feel they have to strengthen or control their children in this way. A very well-written chapter that was fun to read through.
Poor Scarlet, I can't help feeling bad for her, even though she's a rich girl lamenting over her family's money. Still, that feels realistic to me. Happy families as shown on American TV probably don't have as much wealth as she has, so if she grew up watching that she could see the wealth and all the responsibility and danger that it's tied to as a bad thing. And ofc she wants a more supportive family and would appreciate a more vocal love language from her parents, which is completely understandable. But with CJ being kept in the dark by his family I can't help but wonder if all the adults here are privy to a dark, delicate truth which makes them feel they have to strengthen or control their children in this way. A very well-written chapter that was fun to read through.
2/14/2023 c27 LittleAlchemist
Wow, I'm not sure any more twists, throwing the readers even further was a good idea, but this is where we're at so I'm gonna try to unpack where we are now. CJ wanting to ask his Grandpa what to do in this situation. The fact that everything feels so beyond him is entirely reasonable, because it is. He can't hope to make any kind of informed decision until he learns more. Suppose there's something to be said about sitting down, shutting up, following along. Instead of trying to make calls on your own. At least then CJ would have learnt more by pretending to be good and obedient and could've then run off with whoever later. I suppose it was the realisation that his mother and grandpa had been lying to him for so long which made him feel incapable of not asserting himself. When Scarlett and then CJ here breaks down crying in agony, I'm not sure what to feel. Maybe it's more realistic than shows or movies where people handle this insanity more reasonably. I pity them, but I also understand why they're feeling this way. I suppose it's tragic that CJ and possibly Scarlett too, were so sick of being in the dark that they behaved in ways that kept them there. When I think of young people, it could be like that self-fulfilling prophecy, kids from bad families and then treated like that just grow into it too. CJ kept in the dark, Scarlett told she's too headstrong. After this CJ is either gonna start towing the line, or something will happen that shows by chance, being a rebellious youth was the right idea. The ending there, are we including life after death too? It's very Harry meets Dumbledore in the last movie. Well I hope his grandpa can give him a better sense of understanding. Being told nothing is a crappy way to feel. There's Aunt Georgia, and the dragon is shooting tentacles. So a lot of unknowns still.
Wow, I'm not sure any more twists, throwing the readers even further was a good idea, but this is where we're at so I'm gonna try to unpack where we are now. CJ wanting to ask his Grandpa what to do in this situation. The fact that everything feels so beyond him is entirely reasonable, because it is. He can't hope to make any kind of informed decision until he learns more. Suppose there's something to be said about sitting down, shutting up, following along. Instead of trying to make calls on your own. At least then CJ would have learnt more by pretending to be good and obedient and could've then run off with whoever later. I suppose it was the realisation that his mother and grandpa had been lying to him for so long which made him feel incapable of not asserting himself. When Scarlett and then CJ here breaks down crying in agony, I'm not sure what to feel. Maybe it's more realistic than shows or movies where people handle this insanity more reasonably. I pity them, but I also understand why they're feeling this way. I suppose it's tragic that CJ and possibly Scarlett too, were so sick of being in the dark that they behaved in ways that kept them there. When I think of young people, it could be like that self-fulfilling prophecy, kids from bad families and then treated like that just grow into it too. CJ kept in the dark, Scarlett told she's too headstrong. After this CJ is either gonna start towing the line, or something will happen that shows by chance, being a rebellious youth was the right idea. The ending there, are we including life after death too? It's very Harry meets Dumbledore in the last movie. Well I hope his grandpa can give him a better sense of understanding. Being told nothing is a crappy way to feel. There's Aunt Georgia, and the dragon is shooting tentacles. So a lot of unknowns still.
2/3/2023 c26 LittleAlchemist
Definitely a chapter full of impacts. A dawnmeister... I wonder how many meister variations there actually are then. And also, we get cool villains if the Apex have their own version of the Monarchs. We saw a dragon, we saw Andre punch and break one of CJ's ribs when he tried to punch Jessica. That car crash, a lot of drama. Do we even know at this point if Scarlett and CJ's Mum are unharmed? Clearly the focus of the Monarch's is CJ. It's not clear at this point who the enemies really are, or at the moment, are there none? Are there just risks? And at the moment, CJ is the biggest one? If the Joker is destined to be this destructive force. Him having choices at all may just be an illusion they're humoring him with. I suppose all this confusion is to be expected when CJ didn't stay with the Monarchs at first. They may have explained most of this to him by now, including the dragon. We have a name for the second Apex, Seraphina. And it seems just her fire may be red? Or just she uses red fire LIKE THAT, as was said. I appreciate the efforts to throw off the reader's expectations so much, and keep things obscure. I'm not sure it being to this degree is to my tastes, but I could certainly do more of this myself.
Definitely a chapter full of impacts. A dawnmeister... I wonder how many meister variations there actually are then. And also, we get cool villains if the Apex have their own version of the Monarchs. We saw a dragon, we saw Andre punch and break one of CJ's ribs when he tried to punch Jessica. That car crash, a lot of drama. Do we even know at this point if Scarlett and CJ's Mum are unharmed? Clearly the focus of the Monarch's is CJ. It's not clear at this point who the enemies really are, or at the moment, are there none? Are there just risks? And at the moment, CJ is the biggest one? If the Joker is destined to be this destructive force. Him having choices at all may just be an illusion they're humoring him with. I suppose all this confusion is to be expected when CJ didn't stay with the Monarchs at first. They may have explained most of this to him by now, including the dragon. We have a name for the second Apex, Seraphina. And it seems just her fire may be red? Or just she uses red fire LIKE THAT, as was said. I appreciate the efforts to throw off the reader's expectations so much, and keep things obscure. I'm not sure it being to this degree is to my tastes, but I could certainly do more of this myself.
2/1/2023 c25 LittleAlchemist
Ruby inferno is very pretty. Fire has been described as being actually red before, is this like giving the four elements a primary colour each? Oh. Yes, air turns green when its manipulated. Water likely glows blue too. That's a nice touch, though I wonder about earth. Be strange if rocks glowed yellow, but Andre's armour is bronze and not yellow anyways. Guess earth gets a raw deal since common dirt and rocks can't really be pretty. Anyways, I liked Scarelett's characterisation here. She's clearly upset with the shrill voice and not wanting to deal with CJ's question about Maria's green blood. Man, I don't think any nurse or doctors would want to touch her. They have to look after themselves first after all, and for all they know that blood could be poisonous. I found myself wondering about the green blood. Could it be like, chlorophyll? Nah... well, maybe. I know blood is blue inside us but outside oxygen makes a lot of stuff red. It was exciting when CJ's Mum showed up, also screaming, and they hurry in with Maria. The second Apex sure has a lot of power to make that inferno at the end. And the discussion about Hawkwood and the secrets is more complex than I think readers would've expected. It's a good thing. Because this is fictionpress, maybe you should've introduced this kind of complexity earlier on to attract more readers who like it. Most stories of this genre are more straight-forward with just a few odd twists after all.
Ruby inferno is very pretty. Fire has been described as being actually red before, is this like giving the four elements a primary colour each? Oh. Yes, air turns green when its manipulated. Water likely glows blue too. That's a nice touch, though I wonder about earth. Be strange if rocks glowed yellow, but Andre's armour is bronze and not yellow anyways. Guess earth gets a raw deal since common dirt and rocks can't really be pretty. Anyways, I liked Scarelett's characterisation here. She's clearly upset with the shrill voice and not wanting to deal with CJ's question about Maria's green blood. Man, I don't think any nurse or doctors would want to touch her. They have to look after themselves first after all, and for all they know that blood could be poisonous. I found myself wondering about the green blood. Could it be like, chlorophyll? Nah... well, maybe. I know blood is blue inside us but outside oxygen makes a lot of stuff red. It was exciting when CJ's Mum showed up, also screaming, and they hurry in with Maria. The second Apex sure has a lot of power to make that inferno at the end. And the discussion about Hawkwood and the secrets is more complex than I think readers would've expected. It's a good thing. Because this is fictionpress, maybe you should've introduced this kind of complexity earlier on to attract more readers who like it. Most stories of this genre are more straight-forward with just a few odd twists after all.
1/30/2023 c24 LittleAlchemist
What in the what. So, my first thought for a while was, why isn't Scareltt letting her friends know they've been led by an imposter? Turns out they already know about the second Apex. I mean, I understand what Jessie is saying. Scarlett really would have ruined the plan, honestly she would have. Still sucks for her. Her suspension also resulted in her not getting told something major as "there's a second Apex". And ultimately it betrayed them too. Though I had to read that part twice to understand. Andre was hit, Maria was thrown, Dante draws his sword, and this is all because the second Apex attacked Andre. I think that part could use some rewording imo. I think... there must be a lot going on behind the scenes. I think it was one of those moments in fiction where A LOT happened in the course of a few hours, suddenly the second Apex has the all clear with Hawkwood and most of the Royal Flush Five to go get Maria. Maria may be dying now and it's almost enough to make me waver in my distrust of her. If she's REALLY almost dying, then yeah, a bit of a risk if this is all a ploy. The situation is rather complicated, and I wonder if you might lose a general audience. We go from: omg Maria disguised herself as Scarlett - to then: the second Apex did it actually to get Maria - to then: Andre, Dante and Jessie are AWARE of that - to then: the second Apex betrays everyone to try and take Black Maria herself. And there's still so much unanswered questions. I hope the situation can become more clear soon and we don't have to wait too long for answers. So Scarlett, a kinda bratty, impulsive, fiery rich girl, but I do feel bad for her in this moment. I don't know what she means by "damsel", perhaps she's had to be rescued a lot in the past? I'm surprised CJ didn't run up sooner but maybe he was genuinely scared for his life until he heard Scarlett's screams and decided to run up anyway. So like... part of me doesn't want Maria to die. Even though I distrust her. Her death may confirm she was more or less innocent, so that would be sad. IF second Apex killed Sarah, and the Royal Flush those-three knew this, but ignored it because it was deemed that catching Maria was more important at the moment, well yes that still seems like a big betrayal for Scarlett. Not a good situation at all.
What in the what. So, my first thought for a while was, why isn't Scareltt letting her friends know they've been led by an imposter? Turns out they already know about the second Apex. I mean, I understand what Jessie is saying. Scarlett really would have ruined the plan, honestly she would have. Still sucks for her. Her suspension also resulted in her not getting told something major as "there's a second Apex". And ultimately it betrayed them too. Though I had to read that part twice to understand. Andre was hit, Maria was thrown, Dante draws his sword, and this is all because the second Apex attacked Andre. I think that part could use some rewording imo. I think... there must be a lot going on behind the scenes. I think it was one of those moments in fiction where A LOT happened in the course of a few hours, suddenly the second Apex has the all clear with Hawkwood and most of the Royal Flush Five to go get Maria. Maria may be dying now and it's almost enough to make me waver in my distrust of her. If she's REALLY almost dying, then yeah, a bit of a risk if this is all a ploy. The situation is rather complicated, and I wonder if you might lose a general audience. We go from: omg Maria disguised herself as Scarlett - to then: the second Apex did it actually to get Maria - to then: Andre, Dante and Jessie are AWARE of that - to then: the second Apex betrays everyone to try and take Black Maria herself. And there's still so much unanswered questions. I hope the situation can become more clear soon and we don't have to wait too long for answers. So Scarlett, a kinda bratty, impulsive, fiery rich girl, but I do feel bad for her in this moment. I don't know what she means by "damsel", perhaps she's had to be rescued a lot in the past? I'm surprised CJ didn't run up sooner but maybe he was genuinely scared for his life until he heard Scarlett's screams and decided to run up anyway. So like... part of me doesn't want Maria to die. Even though I distrust her. Her death may confirm she was more or less innocent, so that would be sad. IF second Apex killed Sarah, and the Royal Flush those-three knew this, but ignored it because it was deemed that catching Maria was more important at the moment, well yes that still seems like a big betrayal for Scarlett. Not a good situation at all.
1/30/2023 c23 LittleAlchemist
So this was a lot. I'm gonna have to go from the start, before delving into the insanity. So for a moment there my suspicion of Dante went from possibility to becoming more substantial. I thought it was too convenient that Maria would know Scarlet wasn't going to school that day, when only Dante was told. And I thought his texts were him acting. Of course, we have confirmed proof by the end of the chapter that there is a second Apex who'd been impersonating Sarah, and as someone commonly around the house she could've easily known Scarlet was staying home and ducked out to become her. Instead of it being Maria impersonating Scarlett at school. So maybe Dante is in the clear. Scarlett felt like bullying CJ. I laughed in shock when she kneed him in the face. Promises to go easy, cause she's expecting to beat him easy, but when he holds his own she goes harder too, ultimately using fire (and yes that's cheating Scarlett) and then manages to beat him. So CJ already knows how to fight. It would make sense that his Grandfather would push martial arts on him if he knew this may be CJ's future. So not just a poker face but I think he was lying about only knowing some karate. Cool if you name dropped what he actually knows, muay thai or kick boxing or kung fu? I don't reckon it was Joker isntincts kicking in there. Apexes can already shoot green tentacles on top of being Meisters, how much else can they do? I'm pretty sure an Apex was the cat with CJ there. Being able to transform into a cat and people sounds quite different given the sizes, so I'm more inclined to think the ability is just making people nearby see what you want them to see. But I suppose that'll be explained in time. You're still trying to make me trust Maria here. I still don't think I'll ever be able to. It might be a motif, the "life is complicated" and shades of grey speech CJ got from his Mum. But sorry Maria, can't trust you purely for the logic going against you. If this is all a game, a plan, she could be a damn mastermind and this situation unfolding now is even planned so that Maria could become trusted. You're being very teasing for not telling us CJ's element yet. If I was him I'd want to know ASAP and get into my magical element training already.
So this was a lot. I'm gonna have to go from the start, before delving into the insanity. So for a moment there my suspicion of Dante went from possibility to becoming more substantial. I thought it was too convenient that Maria would know Scarlet wasn't going to school that day, when only Dante was told. And I thought his texts were him acting. Of course, we have confirmed proof by the end of the chapter that there is a second Apex who'd been impersonating Sarah, and as someone commonly around the house she could've easily known Scarlet was staying home and ducked out to become her. Instead of it being Maria impersonating Scarlett at school. So maybe Dante is in the clear. Scarlett felt like bullying CJ. I laughed in shock when she kneed him in the face. Promises to go easy, cause she's expecting to beat him easy, but when he holds his own she goes harder too, ultimately using fire (and yes that's cheating Scarlett) and then manages to beat him. So CJ already knows how to fight. It would make sense that his Grandfather would push martial arts on him if he knew this may be CJ's future. So not just a poker face but I think he was lying about only knowing some karate. Cool if you name dropped what he actually knows, muay thai or kick boxing or kung fu? I don't reckon it was Joker isntincts kicking in there. Apexes can already shoot green tentacles on top of being Meisters, how much else can they do? I'm pretty sure an Apex was the cat with CJ there. Being able to transform into a cat and people sounds quite different given the sizes, so I'm more inclined to think the ability is just making people nearby see what you want them to see. But I suppose that'll be explained in time. You're still trying to make me trust Maria here. I still don't think I'll ever be able to. It might be a motif, the "life is complicated" and shades of grey speech CJ got from his Mum. But sorry Maria, can't trust you purely for the logic going against you. If this is all a game, a plan, she could be a damn mastermind and this situation unfolding now is even planned so that Maria could become trusted. You're being very teasing for not telling us CJ's element yet. If I was him I'd want to know ASAP and get into my magical element training already.
1/30/2023 c22 LittleAlchemist
Thousands of years is enough time for connections. It wouldn't be hard for Maria to know a clinic, or a laboratory, that even using her own bone marrow, could in vitro fertilisation give her Apex babies that she birthed in secret. That is fully possible. Maybe there's an unexplored cave somewhere with thousands of Maria's egg sacks waiting to hatch right before the climax of this story. I really liked the beginning of this chapter. The story about Dante being Scarlett's estranged second cousin and their family drama was quaint in its complexity and realness. Since he's of Latino ethnicity and has blue armour for water he reminds me a fair bit of Dylan from Team KG. I liked the maths part too for slice of life. I actually always thought algebra was fun lolol, so can't relate to Scarlet there. But yes it's quite a big deal that Dante also shares Scarlett's loss, and it's very similar to CJ's too. Dante seems less motivated to catch his grandfather's killer, but maybe it's an act. He brought up money not buying intelligence, so I'd assume his family doesn't have as much money as hers since the estrangement. What if he resents Scarlett a lot and betrays her later? That would be a big deal, and very psychologically dark of him, seeing how much Scarlett values him as probably her most liked blood relative.
Thousands of years is enough time for connections. It wouldn't be hard for Maria to know a clinic, or a laboratory, that even using her own bone marrow, could in vitro fertilisation give her Apex babies that she birthed in secret. That is fully possible. Maybe there's an unexplored cave somewhere with thousands of Maria's egg sacks waiting to hatch right before the climax of this story. I really liked the beginning of this chapter. The story about Dante being Scarlett's estranged second cousin and their family drama was quaint in its complexity and realness. Since he's of Latino ethnicity and has blue armour for water he reminds me a fair bit of Dylan from Team KG. I liked the maths part too for slice of life. I actually always thought algebra was fun lolol, so can't relate to Scarlet there. But yes it's quite a big deal that Dante also shares Scarlett's loss, and it's very similar to CJ's too. Dante seems less motivated to catch his grandfather's killer, but maybe it's an act. He brought up money not buying intelligence, so I'd assume his family doesn't have as much money as hers since the estrangement. What if he resents Scarlett a lot and betrays her later? That would be a big deal, and very psychologically dark of him, seeing how much Scarlett values him as probably her most liked blood relative.
1/28/2023 c21 LittleAlchemist
CJ, for someone trying to find out stuff on his own and not be manipulated by anyone... he's really eating out of the palm of Maria's hand. I want to believe Maria is "good" too, but... no we can't. We mustn't. Looking at everything logically... how old is she? Millenia. She's had how long to collect evidence? She's seen how many human institutions rise and fall, and generations of new leaders be born, come into power, and then die. All past events that shape characters' motives, she's seen them all. She's met more people than CJ ever could hope to in his full lifespan. She'd know exactly what to say to CJ because she's met thousands of boys just like him. I don't know how long Maria has had this idea of "something going on underneath our noses" but she's flirting with CJ, knowing he likes it, knowing it's disarming him. In fiction innocent characters can turn out suspicious, and the suspicious ones turn out innocent, but here Maria just has too much experience and intelligence for me not to suspect her. AND she's an Apex. CJ may be clever, but he's still young. And he may not be self-aware enough to know what Maria is doing and letting her in without realising, he already promised to hold onto her. With this said, Maria is definitely a great character and I liked her acting cutesy to get through the gate lol. Anyway to the start, I liked CJ and his Mum interacting there. Before I was less interested in it cause I wanted to see the school and Monarchs interact with CJ already. But I appreciate how their strained, newly on speaking terms again, relationship is adding new flair to what would otherwise be just the young MC talking to their parent requirement. And also, as soon as I heard about the murder by fire I thought "Scarlet nooo", but it's probably not her... still I felt dread there lol. Sarah is the only other pyromancer that's been revealed so far, could it be her? It's not like you to just have an older mentor character be there for some scenes and have no other importance to them. Or maybe the twist is Scarlet DID kill that woman, Evelyn Marks, but she was a baddie. Or she's being framed.
CJ, for someone trying to find out stuff on his own and not be manipulated by anyone... he's really eating out of the palm of Maria's hand. I want to believe Maria is "good" too, but... no we can't. We mustn't. Looking at everything logically... how old is she? Millenia. She's had how long to collect evidence? She's seen how many human institutions rise and fall, and generations of new leaders be born, come into power, and then die. All past events that shape characters' motives, she's seen them all. She's met more people than CJ ever could hope to in his full lifespan. She'd know exactly what to say to CJ because she's met thousands of boys just like him. I don't know how long Maria has had this idea of "something going on underneath our noses" but she's flirting with CJ, knowing he likes it, knowing it's disarming him. In fiction innocent characters can turn out suspicious, and the suspicious ones turn out innocent, but here Maria just has too much experience and intelligence for me not to suspect her. AND she's an Apex. CJ may be clever, but he's still young. And he may not be self-aware enough to know what Maria is doing and letting her in without realising, he already promised to hold onto her. With this said, Maria is definitely a great character and I liked her acting cutesy to get through the gate lol. Anyway to the start, I liked CJ and his Mum interacting there. Before I was less interested in it cause I wanted to see the school and Monarchs interact with CJ already. But I appreciate how their strained, newly on speaking terms again, relationship is adding new flair to what would otherwise be just the young MC talking to their parent requirement. And also, as soon as I heard about the murder by fire I thought "Scarlet nooo", but it's probably not her... still I felt dread there lol. Sarah is the only other pyromancer that's been revealed so far, could it be her? It's not like you to just have an older mentor character be there for some scenes and have no other importance to them. Or maybe the twist is Scarlet DID kill that woman, Evelyn Marks, but she was a baddie. Or she's being framed.
1/21/2023 c20 17Encore19
Choosing to skim over those classes in an expositiony way isn't a choice I was expecting. I suppose if you'd explored the class scenes you may've felt the need to tie info or characters into a larger plot point, since I haven't seen proof that you want to drag out school slice of lifeness even if I was hoping you would. I get those classes were ordinary subjects, but I would've liked seeing classmates, the teachers, the rooms. Suppose that unlike Hogwarts, you don't want these teachers to have much presence and want to maintain that this part of Avalon is normal and the details are unnecessary. CJ probably didn't talk to anyone he sat with, or the exchanges were so meh that it was breezed over and not thought about by him this chapter. Well, I hope we get to see that stuff but you'll focus on what you want to focus on, I suppose. CJ is gonna do what I suggested before, which is take Scarlet up on her offer to get more information. He may as well have hung around the Royal Flush Five if that's what he wanted, suppose he can't stomach playing along as their new friend? It seems he's spent his first school day alone. The curriculum is split evenly between academics and combat, well I can't wait to see lessons of CJ learning how to joust with futuristic lances on futuristic vehicles. I hope that's not skimmed over. And Scarlet says ONLY the Joker could take on an Apex alone? Well so far CJ hasn't shown any power, I hope he doesn't learn too quickly cause I'd like to see the growth. The cat is obviously meaningful, and I'm wondering if someone has the ability to turn into animals... or more likely, make people see things that aren't there. No way the cat is nothing when it's given more detail than CJ's classes and anyone he would've seen or spoken to during them. The idea that Black Maria may have killed CJ's father is dark, and probably something I should've considered earlier. Nobody seems trustworthy, though CJ's perspective is adding to the suspicion. Since his Grandad was a rogue and the stuff CJ's Mum said to him about shades of grey, that's reason enough for that. But yes, Maria is light up billboard sign suspicious obviously, and being cautious and secretive while trying to figure CJ out, and probably the person CJ should be most wary about.
17Encore19Choosing to skim over those classes in an expositiony way isn't a choice I was expecting. I suppose if you'd explored the class scenes you may've felt the need to tie info or characters into a larger plot point, since I haven't seen proof that you want to drag out school slice of lifeness even if I was hoping you would. I get those classes were ordinary subjects, but I would've liked seeing classmates, the teachers, the rooms. Suppose that unlike Hogwarts, you don't want these teachers to have much presence and want to maintain that this part of Avalon is normal and the details are unnecessary. CJ probably didn't talk to anyone he sat with, or the exchanges were so meh that it was breezed over and not thought about by him this chapter. Well, I hope we get to see that stuff but you'll focus on what you want to focus on, I suppose. CJ is gonna do what I suggested before, which is take Scarlet up on her offer to get more information. He may as well have hung around the Royal Flush Five if that's what he wanted, suppose he can't stomach playing along as their new friend? It seems he's spent his first school day alone. The curriculum is split evenly between academics and combat, well I can't wait to see lessons of CJ learning how to joust with futuristic lances on futuristic vehicles. I hope that's not skimmed over. And Scarlet says ONLY the Joker could take on an Apex alone? Well so far CJ hasn't shown any power, I hope he doesn't learn too quickly cause I'd like to see the growth. The cat is obviously meaningful, and I'm wondering if someone has the ability to turn into animals... or more likely, make people see things that aren't there. No way the cat is nothing when it's given more detail than CJ's classes and anyone he would've seen or spoken to during them. The idea that Black Maria may have killed CJ's father is dark, and probably something I should've considered earlier. Nobody seems trustworthy, though CJ's perspective is adding to the suspicion. Since his Grandad was a rogue and the stuff CJ's Mum said to him about shades of grey, that's reason enough for that. But yes, Maria is light up billboard sign suspicious obviously, and being cautious and secretive while trying to figure CJ out, and probably the person CJ should be most wary about.
1/20/2023 c19 14LittleAlchemist
This was unexpected. I figured CJ would think hanging out with them was in his best interests. At the very least, if he was gonna not hang around them I figured he'd learn more first. Mainly, we still don't know what being the Joker means. Will his crest and theirs be used to open a gateway of some kind, or is it just a pretty symbol of an important lineage? If the latter is true he may not be an especially better Meister than anyone. So even if CJ being rude and leaving the guys who were set up as the good team is a surprise, I mean it's a welcome one for me. Firstly, it means CJ may not suffer from that social pedestal that will keep him from regular interactions I was hoping to see. Secondly, it means you may be actively trying to surprise the readers more which means more surprises ahead. It did seem like CJ was supposed to take his rightful place with the Royal Flush Five. By not trusting anyone he may have cut off the only avenues of secret info he had, and caused both sides to distrust him in the process. If he really wanted to learn as much as he could he could've tried playing both sides in secret. But he's still a teen and no matter how magical this secret society is, knowing things you're not supposed to can be dangerous. I'm still itching to see the powers explained more and to find out what element CJ has and how his first training lesson will go. He'll probably get a mentor won't he, and if Hawkwood wants him in his pocket it'll probably be one of the other Royal Flush guys. In that case... he'd probably have fire so Scarlet could teach him the basics, after all Scarlet's POV has been explored more than Maria's so she likely will have more significance to CJ going forward. I bet CJ's interaction with Hawkwood will explain a lot more too.
14LittleAlchemistThis was unexpected. I figured CJ would think hanging out with them was in his best interests. At the very least, if he was gonna not hang around them I figured he'd learn more first. Mainly, we still don't know what being the Joker means. Will his crest and theirs be used to open a gateway of some kind, or is it just a pretty symbol of an important lineage? If the latter is true he may not be an especially better Meister than anyone. So even if CJ being rude and leaving the guys who were set up as the good team is a surprise, I mean it's a welcome one for me. Firstly, it means CJ may not suffer from that social pedestal that will keep him from regular interactions I was hoping to see. Secondly, it means you may be actively trying to surprise the readers more which means more surprises ahead. It did seem like CJ was supposed to take his rightful place with the Royal Flush Five. By not trusting anyone he may have cut off the only avenues of secret info he had, and caused both sides to distrust him in the process. If he really wanted to learn as much as he could he could've tried playing both sides in secret. But he's still a teen and no matter how magical this secret society is, knowing things you're not supposed to can be dangerous. I'm still itching to see the powers explained more and to find out what element CJ has and how his first training lesson will go. He'll probably get a mentor won't he, and if Hawkwood wants him in his pocket it'll probably be one of the other Royal Flush guys. In that case... he'd probably have fire so Scarlet could teach him the basics, after all Scarlet's POV has been explored more than Maria's so she likely will have more significance to CJ going forward. I bet CJ's interaction with Hawkwood will explain a lot more too.
1/16/2023 c18 LittleAlchemist
CJ meets the other members of the Royal Flush Five. They are especially preppy and really make an entrance. With Jessica leading them and all their formality, nothing is very casual about this. CJ is still adjusting and slow to process at times, evident by suddenly feeling nervous as Maria goes to leave him. Despite the fact he admitted she scares him, she's still the only one he knows. Her holding his hand was kinda cute. If I were in CJ's position... I mean, CJ said "his first day at public school" which makes me think he was a private school kid, so maybe the preppyness isn't so strange to him. I reckon I'd be a bit dazed and probably forget most of the names CJ was given at the end there. Right away CJ has become segregated. He's accepted by the top dogs who probably rule the school. It makes me think no bully characters are gonna mess with him, not the common kind anyway. And his powers probably will be superior when he gets around to mastering them. I hope that despite the distance this has put socially between CJ and the majority of the student body, I can still get a lot of the varied interactions I'm hoping for. As opposed to CJ spending most of the time with the Royal Flush Five and not interacting with others aside from Maria. I think that if Maria wants CJ to trust her she's doing a terrible job. At the very least, she's not trying to hide how suspicious she is. Maybe in time, and given some good reasons, CJ might start to trust her a bit. This is just CJ's first meeting with the Royal Flush Five, and things feel stiff and formal. There's not much warmth and probably because nobody feels very casual. I'd like it if CJ could have some nice one-on-one moments with some of the Royal Flush Five, devoid of that guardedness everyone seems to have. Like maybe he could relate to a situation Dante or Jessica has been through and they have a moment. If more is going on here with the Apex and Hawkwood and secrets, maybe everyone is gonna be guarded. But these are also still teenagers, and I was a weirdo in high school, and so some of that less clever innocence would feel more real and be immersive to me.
CJ meets the other members of the Royal Flush Five. They are especially preppy and really make an entrance. With Jessica leading them and all their formality, nothing is very casual about this. CJ is still adjusting and slow to process at times, evident by suddenly feeling nervous as Maria goes to leave him. Despite the fact he admitted she scares him, she's still the only one he knows. Her holding his hand was kinda cute. If I were in CJ's position... I mean, CJ said "his first day at public school" which makes me think he was a private school kid, so maybe the preppyness isn't so strange to him. I reckon I'd be a bit dazed and probably forget most of the names CJ was given at the end there. Right away CJ has become segregated. He's accepted by the top dogs who probably rule the school. It makes me think no bully characters are gonna mess with him, not the common kind anyway. And his powers probably will be superior when he gets around to mastering them. I hope that despite the distance this has put socially between CJ and the majority of the student body, I can still get a lot of the varied interactions I'm hoping for. As opposed to CJ spending most of the time with the Royal Flush Five and not interacting with others aside from Maria. I think that if Maria wants CJ to trust her she's doing a terrible job. At the very least, she's not trying to hide how suspicious she is. Maybe in time, and given some good reasons, CJ might start to trust her a bit. This is just CJ's first meeting with the Royal Flush Five, and things feel stiff and formal. There's not much warmth and probably because nobody feels very casual. I'd like it if CJ could have some nice one-on-one moments with some of the Royal Flush Five, devoid of that guardedness everyone seems to have. Like maybe he could relate to a situation Dante or Jessica has been through and they have a moment. If more is going on here with the Apex and Hawkwood and secrets, maybe everyone is gonna be guarded. But these are also still teenagers, and I was a weirdo in high school, and so some of that less clever innocence would feel more real and be immersive to me.
1/15/2023 c17 LittleAlchemist
Eeeeee I really like that mixture of medieval and futurism. If you got that idea from a show or movie, well I don't know it, it's something I've not seen before but paints a clear picture in my head. I didn't expect the magical school to be upped in ante with regards to how it looks. This is getting even cooler. So with a magical school you could make this slice of lifey and explore all this stuff for over a hundred chapters. Especially with the shorter chapters. But I don't think your series has that many chapters and I'm thinking something will happen that easily pulls CJ away from this setting. I just hope I get my fill while we're here. It's also unexpected for me that Maria is acting as CJ's guide, I expected it to be Scarlet. But it's nice. I sympathised with CJ during his exchange with her and internally cheered him for getting up and leaving when he did. Of course she just followed him, so it seems like he really is stuck with her. She presents a mystery in herself. An Apex, a supposed enemy, behind enemy lines and only an inner circle know the truth about her. So not only fun restaurants and shops (like Hogsmeade) around the school but all these futuristic places with ROBOTS. You could really do so much here. I'm expecting you to get into a larger plot that pulls the story into hectic places, but I would be happy with a slice of lifey exploration of a magic sci-fi school. This was a good chapter and I'm glad they've landed. My hope and expectation is to see a lot of minor characters who feel diverse and really give me the vibe of this being an academy. I wanna see delinquent characters and some rulebreaking and sneaking into dorms and around the school at night and secret parties on the grounds and magical lessons and magical scrums breaking out! Sorry for the overt enthusiasm but this is one of my favourite genres after all, the whole magical school and superpowers trope.
Eeeeee I really like that mixture of medieval and futurism. If you got that idea from a show or movie, well I don't know it, it's something I've not seen before but paints a clear picture in my head. I didn't expect the magical school to be upped in ante with regards to how it looks. This is getting even cooler. So with a magical school you could make this slice of lifey and explore all this stuff for over a hundred chapters. Especially with the shorter chapters. But I don't think your series has that many chapters and I'm thinking something will happen that easily pulls CJ away from this setting. I just hope I get my fill while we're here. It's also unexpected for me that Maria is acting as CJ's guide, I expected it to be Scarlet. But it's nice. I sympathised with CJ during his exchange with her and internally cheered him for getting up and leaving when he did. Of course she just followed him, so it seems like he really is stuck with her. She presents a mystery in herself. An Apex, a supposed enemy, behind enemy lines and only an inner circle know the truth about her. So not only fun restaurants and shops (like Hogsmeade) around the school but all these futuristic places with ROBOTS. You could really do so much here. I'm expecting you to get into a larger plot that pulls the story into hectic places, but I would be happy with a slice of lifey exploration of a magic sci-fi school. This was a good chapter and I'm glad they've landed. My hope and expectation is to see a lot of minor characters who feel diverse and really give me the vibe of this being an academy. I wanna see delinquent characters and some rulebreaking and sneaking into dorms and around the school at night and secret parties on the grounds and magical lessons and magical scrums breaking out! Sorry for the overt enthusiasm but this is one of my favourite genres after all, the whole magical school and superpowers trope.