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for Boon: Clash of Iron

9/9 c3 4Viewer27Man
Our hero arrives at the police station. After getting past blaring metal in a car stereo, a statue, an ordinary fish tank with a label for the officer, and the officer finding a working pen he describes the cheese monster stuff to the officer. That's not interesting enough for the lady so she inquires about his powers and gets the honest answers. Then it is revealed that he has a boon, as was foreshadowed by the first chapter, and that it is an animal boon of assumed cat type. After getting a few normal cautions from the police woman, our hero goes home with new powers he dreamed about, but is not sure what to do next.

Short chapter again. The details themselves are fine. Not much has happened between these two short chapters that seem to be divided by location so far.

My bet is that Arthur has rat powers.

I'm still not sure what the tone of this story is. There are a lot of details of mundane things in this chapter: staying in the car, seeing a fish tank, and Maya looking for a good pen. These are described briefly, though they do stand out because not much else happens that seems relevant to your story.

Things that come to mind:
This world seems very normal looking so far. One of the advantages of having a normal world is you wouldn't have to describe it as much as a crazy-looking one.

The note on the tank is a bit interesting. My hope is that there's some follow through on Maya getting in trouble with the fish tank later in some form.

Favorite Part: The 'type unknown: cat?' description for what the hero's powers are. I like how this gives a partial, but clearly & reasonably incomplete explanation for his mysterious abilities. Combined with the label on the fish tank I can assume the officer lady has cat powers and auto assumes, while acknowledging that based on what her powers probably are.
8/27 c2 Viewer27Man
In this chapter after our hero briefly contemplates the fight in the first chapter and a police woman speaks to our hero about the incident. Things are foreshadowed. The woman has pointy teeth. That's all that happens.

This is a really short chapter that only includes a single conversation. We have an explanation for why Arthur won't get in trouble out of this. We get foreshadowing from Arthur's instincts seeing the Navarro as a rival and the talk of Boons, but it's not clear for what yet as the open-ended questions could have a variety of answers.
8/6 c1 Viewer27Man
Our hero is quiet, lives in what seems to be an alternate version of the real world, and works retail. His manager uses an ability called a Boon to clean up a mess easily. Then he meets a man drinking milk from the ground. This man goes berserk with power over all things dairy. The villain generates a giant monster out of the cheese at the store. Our hero finds he doesn't know his own strength enabling him to survive. Then our hero almost dies before getting his second wind. He fights the cheese monster and the man controlling it mostly by leaping around with super strength, agility, and just knowing what to do, which he also finds odd. With a jumping boot to the head our hero brings cheese man down and then finds his fingernails may need a trim...

I'm not sure what the tone of this story is supposed to be. The chapter is very narrated and the guy is very quiet, it makes me think this story is going to have a serious tone with a touch of 'realistic lameness' (Referring to how he works retail in a world where powers are known to exist). But then you throw a guy licking milk off the ground with dairy powers and a cheese monster at me. There's no way around these details being both gross and very silly.

The scene where he gives a big NO to death is one I feel like I see a lot of times, though usually after learning about something to live for and not played this early.

I like the store manager at least trying to fight back with the power she has.

I'm not sure how Arthur doesn't know he has powers like this, but we'll hopefully get an exploration (or fast explanation) into that next chapter.

Favorite Part: A giant cheese monster is the first enemy. That'll get the reader's attention.
4/30 c2 2JaDeCe
I like this. I wasn't expecting him to get this boon so early on nor was I expecting it to be almost catlike, but I like it. The story's just starting so I don't have much to say however I'm ready to watch Arthur train and grow for the adventure that lay before me.

Good job

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