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for Jillian's Demons

9/27/2006 c1 2Laeden
You have "'she asked herself'" in quotations. She didn't actually say "she asked herself," but that's how you have it writen. It should be "What was that?" She asked herself. Spelling isn't my strong point either, but you should have spell check and "sec" is unnacceptable. Judging by your writing I'm assuming you're quite young, and usually I write long detailed reviews telling you exactly what you need to do to improve, but if I did that here, then my review would be longer than your story. So I'm just going to give you a huge tip that will help anyone no matter how good or bad they are. "Read." But don't give up, I started writing when I was only nine. I wasn't good either, but now I've been writing for over ten years and it has improved a lot. So if you're serous about writing then just write every day, even if they are short stories or whatever, and you cannot forget to read everyday, that is the most prolific to your wreiting ability. Also, learn to type. If you learn to type then you can get your rought ideas out faster and then of course you need to PROOF READ. If you want ideas then you can read my story, it's a longer project though and of course you need to thave the patients to actually read an entire book. Reading half-way won't improve really anything outside of your actual structure. Your content will still suck, and my ideas are copywrited along with my sentences. Don't forget, but like I said, read. I enjoy Dean Koontz or Micheal Crichton. If you're too young though those books might not be suitable for you. In case though, my favorites are:

Timeline -Crichton, Night Chills -Koontz, Velocity -Koontz Odd Thomas -Koontz, Airframe -Crichton, Of Mice and Men -Steinbeck (sp), those are just some to get you started. Good luck and I'll be looking for improvement. Keep writing!
9/9/2006 c1 Cheyenne
No offense but it's really cliche and yyou shouldn't use the word 'sec' in a story describing such horror.

The 'adult-like- describing words you put in here don't match with your writing maturity. How old are you nine?
4/11/2006 c1 52Dabronicci
Well, to say the least this was rather horrid. The grammar for one was god awful, not to mention all the spelling errors. Then there is the informal language you use which completely negates the writing style of the introductory paragraph. Furthermore, it was written at about a six-grade level. To prove this I wish to quote the story. "The woman shot forward out of bed her long hair covering her face at first. But then she moved her head so you could see her face."That just...I do not think words can describe...Well, I can say your writing skills are wretched.
4/8/2004 c1 4aragorn-lover2001
Interesting! What is she? i like the way this saounds so far!
7/7/2001 c1 4Swirl34
That was rather interesting, please do countinue.
7/7/2001 c1 2L.E. Lamkin
Hm. A bit confusing, and quite a few grammar and spelling errors. Otherwise, it was rather intriguing. If not a somewhat cliche, beginning, it was still a beginning nonetheless. It seems like many people at this site are lost on that part of writing. Y'know, the whole 'beginning, middle, end' thing? Anyway. I certainly hope that this gets a bit more in depth and 'scarier' as you said it would. I wish you good luck. I'll look for any updates.
7/7/2001 c1 54Werecat99
Nice start. I hope it gets creepier.

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