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for In the Dark

2/1/2004 c1 Ocha
Your dispair is obvious, but you did not write a poem that conveyed anything but trite regurgitations of "dramtic" words and statements. In other words, your language offers nothing new. "Crying in the dark" (or screaming as it were), "wasting away," and especially the concept of having one's heart ripped out and replaced are tiresome cliches. When writing about your emotions, try using images that are specific to you, and not some horrid teen novel or sitcom. Figure out a new way to speak of these apparently deep emotions, otherwise your point is lost in bland language that in and of itself, has lost its own meaning from overuse.
7/6/2003 c1 DDerry1986
Really good ! Check my poems if ya have time ! =)
6/6/2002 c1 Caela
perrty.. :::purr:::

mm.. dark..
3/25/2002 c1 1Katrina Skyfrost
This is very, very good. This should of been in the booky thing.

Like those people below me said: This is really deep.

I can't think of anything to say. Well, it is definately better than my poetry. Mine is sappy though. No, not sappy, stupid.

katrina
9/29/2001 c1 10Sugars Daring Mistress
Whoa...I can see why is was rated PG for deep depression. But, nonetheless, I like!
9/4/2001 c1 Lily of Ravenclaw
Cool. Very deep.
9/4/2001 c1 17Raeveyena
very good!Keep up the good work...
9/3/2001 c1 Aurora Lynn Rose
This is deep and makes so much sense. And not all goths are depressed (in sort of reply to your email)... but I hope you don't relate to this as much as I do or did once. ^_^ Great job dude, as always keep writing!

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