Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Meredith

5/12/2003 c1 54Werecat99
I already love this. Your writing is excellent, the descriptions vivid and your characters very real.

Oh, that cat and mouse game... And he has no idea he's the mouse. Poor guy.

I loved their 'meeting' scene. Dark, creepy and very delicious.

I think I'm in love with this story. It goes to my favorites so I can return for more.
3/18/2003 c27 unclepauly
Gobsmacking to say the least.
1/21/2003 c27 13theblindman
Where the hell have I been? Why did it take me so long to read the last chapter? Does naybody really care?

Now, onto the good stuff:

And with his words, his ailing body waged yet another war from within.

That line is terrible. Just plain terrible. I can't even think of a suggestion to abate the terriblity a little.

He then fell into another spell of coughing and spitting...

I think it would read better if you took the "then" out. I think...

Anyway, that's all the "good stuff" for today. I feel cheapened and incomplete, like my happy meal is missing the toy or something. I hope the next chapter has more mistakes, since this one is definitely lacking in significant ones.

It's a good story, keep it up. Which is to say update soon ya' damn slob.

UQ

TBM
12/29/2002 c27 27Krys
Mihalje's death is terribly tragic and surly played havoc with the poor dark haired girl's emotions. To have someone in your own family deny you...espically one who was so close...it's no wonder she's such a unique character. To have had so much pain in her life, which is expected in a life so long, gives so much to who she is. I can only hope she finds Cara to be someone who will love her, not damn her as her brother did.
12/29/2002 c26 Krys
The dark haired girl must know that Cara isn't the same person that her friend was so long ago and yet it seems as though she believes that Cara will be or is. I love the chapters that are based simply on her, both past and present. She's such a unique and beautiful character.
12/29/2002 c25 Krys
I only find it odd that Matt's uneasiness over what happened with Cara didn't push him into going to check on her. Then again it makes sense since his previous efforts to figure out what happened when she seemed to blank out were met with confusion. Off that subject, now we know where our lovely dark haired girl spends her mornings. I can't help but wonder if she'll be spending them at Cara's soon...
12/29/2002 c24 Krys
I've found that as I continue to read I also continue to not review, which is unfair for more reasons than the simple fact that you review my every chapter. Shame on me. Hopefully you'll forgive me as I'm doing what I can to remedy this situation now. ;P.

I remember leaving this chapter with the desire to look over my shoulder for the rest of the night. Even so, it wasn't a Packard I was afraid of, but someone with deeper objective. I only wonder what, now that she's there watching Cara, the dark haired girl plans on doing. How will she comfront Cara and what will take place once Cara is in her powerful presence once again? Did we get a sneak preaview in Cara's dream?
12/21/2002 c27 3Lucerna
Wow. Just...wow. The way you narrate this story is unbelievably powerful and a huge achievement to have kept up the same standard of writing for 27 chapters. I loved the beauty and sorrow of their meeting especially. Keep writing - please!
12/12/2002 c27 26Endless Nightmares
Hey Strider-

I really enjoyed this excellent story. You have a lot of talent. It be cool if you published a book. I liked every character in this story. Keep up the great work, and please post some new stories.
11/28/2002 c26 13theblindman
Well, the last chapter is sitting in front of me right now, but I don't have the will to read it. Nothing personal, I've just been putting it off for a coupl'a days now.

Anyway, I finally found something to complain about. You know that scene where Cara's skiing again for the first time in five or ten years? And you say, 'it's like riding a bicycle... you never forget.' It feels like you're patronizing your reader. Which makes me hate you, and takes away from the whole liking of the story. I got over it of course, it was more of a short falling-out, but I'm glad we could work it out. Anyway, my point is that it would read better if you just said, "It was like riding a bicycle." Everybody knows how the rest of it goes, and if they don't then they're far too young to be reading your story anyway. At least, this is my belief.

UQ

TBM
11/24/2002 c18 theblindman
Damn it. Anybody know where I can find an alter and 18 black candles enscribed with the runes of Shallock'madem? Okay, 10-18 are really good. Really good. There's a coupl'a awkward phrases in their, but that's to be expected and I'm willing to ignore them conditional on the rest being as good.

hmmmmm... At least I'm on time for this one. Wish I had something to complain about though... ;)

TBM

PS: I'll get to the remaining ones sometime this week. I hope. Fscking school.
11/23/2002 c10 theblindman
Well, I'm a day late, but here I am.

I'll begin by saying this: Chapter two sucks. I didn't like it at all. It's not a content problem, it's that the actual writing is awkward.

Having said that, the rest are good. Great even. Hell, if you can write like that for the next 18 chapters I will be impressed. If you improve, I will erect a shrine in your honour.

One complaint: You describe everything. This isn't in itself bad, description helps the reader understand what you're seeing in your third eye. The problem is that the minute something happens you describe every detail of it. There is no impression of us (or at least me, this is my opinion and is therefore nigh-worthless) seeing what the characters see. It reads as "she came into the room wearing a black trenchcoat." Rather than "she turned just as so-and-so swung open the glass door, her black trench coat fluttering as the frozen gusts burst into the office." Details should be revealed as they come to that attention of the viewer, not all at once. Or at least, I think they should. Maybe there are better ways to right. Maybe that's the worst.

This isn't to say that you don't do that. The best phrase in these first few chapters comes when Cara is interrupted from her reverie when "the dark-haired girl" slams a bundle of books on the counter. Then she follows the girl's arm up to her face, while you get a chance to describe the black turtleneck-sweater she's wearing. It was really good. That whole seen was.

Anyway, in review: Chapter 2=Bad

Chapter 1,3-9=Good! ^_^

Sudden description=Bad

Perceptive description=Good :)

Overall=Really Good. And long. I'll read another 9 chapters tonight.

That's all. Sorry for sounding so pretentious. That's how I am in real life, but I don't like other people knowing it. Keep writing (but not too fast or I'll never catch up.
11/20/2002 c9 theblindman
Hypatia indirectly directed me here, and needless to say, a 27 chapter story is intriguing. So few writers persevere. How sad.

Anyway, I'm just here to tell you that I don't have time to read you're story right now. Instead, I have printed the first nine chapters out (on both sides of the paper, I'm oh so environmentally friendly ^_^) and I'm going to read them at school tomorrow. That's how intriguing you're story is!

Anyway, it's late, and I'm going to my bed to do politics homework. Later :)

TBM
11/4/2002 c27 8SweetEvil
Okay.. that was a really disturbing chapter! Being killed by your own dog.. that just makes me shudder.. especially since the beast didn't go for the throat first! Anyway, poor Meredith.. no wonder she has so many issues. Good chapter, as usual!
11/1/2002 c27 8DeeEe
Oh...poor Meilute/Meredith...rejected as a vampir by her own brother. You wrote it very well, managing to put the right amount of emotion with the senses of thought for the brother. Meh...that is one akward sentence, my english teacher would take about 5 points from my grade if this were an essay (not to mention the points off for not staying on subject :) ). Speaking of which, I need to rewrite and essay in an hour now...or maybe this will be my late paper...
125 « Prev Page 1 .. 2 3 4 5 6 .. Last Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service