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for The Dragons

7/4/2011 c19 Mion
Wow I just found this story and its amazing! I can't wait to find out what happens between Ray and Marleena! ^.^ She's so slick now lol and he's really dark but the grammer mistakes are sorta making it hard to read so please fix those next time and upload fast!
7/4/2011 c19 3aPondInTime
I knew her dad had to be involved somehow, but not quite this much. Very interesting developments. I wonder what could happen next. I wonder who the wizard is and who Kinkade is.
7/3/2011 c18 aPondInTime
Another great chapter. I wonder what else Araina hasnt told her. looking forward to more.
7/2/2011 c17 aPondInTime
Glad to see you're writing again. It's been so long I had to reread the whole story to remember what was happening. Really great plot. I hope you update again soon. And if you only update again in a few months, could you please put a quick summary of the plot at the beginning of the chapter so that I can remember what's going on? This is actuallly an incredibly good and original story. I'm dying to know what happens next.
1/16/2011 c2 9Mysterious MD
That was anther good chapter. I did encounter a few spelling and grammar errors.

In one spot, you had; "Not even thinking of bringing her violin, she was told by the teacher to use the schools for today." I think "schools" should be "school's" because you are saying that the violin belongs to the school. You had; "After getting the violin out and rosined the bow..." The thing about this sentence is you have a shift in verb tense. You have "getting" and "rosined". I think that to fix this you would need to say "rosining" or change "getting" to "got" to keep the verb tense the same. You also had; "Marleena had so much playing the song." I think you might be missing a word between "much" and "playing". You had; "When it did, she was glad that no one saw next to her" where I think you meant "sat" instead of "saw". You had; "I know what I sensed, I know its true" where "its" should be "it's".

We get to see Marleena interact with the group which is pretty amusing. Then we see them working with Kinkade, who they don't really trust but feel like they need for now. I look forward to reading what happens next, keep up the good writing.
1/16/2011 c1 Mysterious MD
That was an interesting start to the story. There were just a few trouble spots I noticed. You had; "It was as if she was darn to him... maybe not." I'm not exactly sure what that means, so it could be my mistake, but that's a spot I was unsure of. The other spot was where you had; "Marleena realized that Ray was staring at her as well and when their eyes met, Marleena turned away, barley seeing the scowl he gave her." You had "barley" instead of "barely". Otherwise it was well written and interesting. She makes friends, that somewhat irk her with their incessant talking. Then she hears about the mysterious Dragons gang. I look forward to reading more, keep up the good writing.
10/10/2010 c15 HeartRose
I'm really enjoying the storyline. Not really liking the Dragon's right now but that might change. ;)

Update soon!
8/10/2010 c15 3aPondInTime
I'm loving this story. It's very interesting and raises many mysteries. Please update soon! I can't wait to see what happens next.
8/21/2009 c1 Chancee
Well this is a really interesting start and I think it is going really well. I like that you have established the main character so a certain extent and she is not a total mystery and that she is not totally new to her enviorenment. I like how you did an excellent job with descriptions and details that I could see the characters clear enough and did not have to use my own imagination just to find out they look different half way through the story. I think your pace and flow is well done. It did almost get a little slow in the beginning but I realized you were setting the stage for us so it did not bother me too much.

Now there is a good feeling of suspense here already with the mysterious gang and I like how it is hopefully using actual dragons and possibly dragon folklore. That would be something different then the stories I have read here so far so great job on working on originality.

There is also a nice element of foreshadowing with the conversation between The Dragons as they talk to Ray and his feelings. This makes me want to find out what will happen next.

Over all this was a really good story so far and I did enjoy it. I overlooked the things you said you already knew you were working on and I was pleasantly pleased to see that there was nothing else that you really needed to fix as a beginning chapter.

Great job and thank you for sharing it with us at the Roadhouse!

c – Pay it forward The Roadhouse.
7/18/2009 c3 9Sakina the Fallen Angel
Of, so K is a baddy then...aww, after this chapter, I've decided that I don't really like the Dragons too much.

In terms of concrit, I think the lead up to the fight scene could be developed a bit more to make it seem more believable ~ right now, it just sounds like the writer is looking for something to trigger the fight, but there are no emotions behind it.

Repaid my reviews! :)

Would read some more, but I need to finish off repaying my other reviews!

~ Sakina x
7/18/2009 c2 Sakina the Fallen Angel
Oh, ominous! So...the Dragons aren't bad guys then? I thought that some of the detail in the first half of this chapter was unnecessary, e.g. the long descriptions of the lessons, as they didn't really carry the plot forward...

~ Sakina x
7/18/2009 c1 Sakina the Fallen Angel
Oh, the ending is kinda creepy, but in a good way, of course. I'm intrigued to learn more about these people, and what it is that sets them apart from everyone else!

Onto some concrit: I found the opening didn't grip me as it could do, and I think that's because you opened with two physical descriptions: Marleena and Kathy. A lot of authors open with physical descriptions, so it can get a bit old to read the same style openings. I'd suggest you weave the descriptions in throughout your story; make them more of a sideline rather than the utmost focus of the reader's attention. Some of the dialogue also seemed a bit forced ~ I'd recommend imagining a voice for each character, and then reading the dialogue out loud or in your head to see if it sounds natural or not.

Hope this helps!

Onto the next chapter!

~ Sakina x
7/14/2009 c13 Dandyparakeet
Much better. Nothing critical new yet... so... praise, I guess! Good job slowing down her relationship with Ray, and the descriptions flowed a good bit smoother. Keep up the good work!

Looking forward to the next chapter,

7/14/2009 c3 this wild abyss
This is a really cool story, awesome writing.
7/14/2009 c2 this wild abyss
These dragon peoples are weird, but interesting. I like how Marleena is totally confused and has no clue, and doesn't know it all already. Great work.
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