Just In
for Sorry

6/10/2003 c1 1Aralain1
wow I think Your BUTTERFLY covered, pretty much everything in that review. This was amazing.
11/11/2001 c1 Your butterfly
I don't think words can describe what i feel, so i'll leave whatever i feel left out of this. Saying sorry, i'm not sure whether it is too late or whether it is still early. All i know is that you have made your choices with your friend's opinons branded all over the words you used. You said it yourself, you have real friends now, so what is forgiveness from me suppose to do? To heal wounds that will eventually be closed overtime? What more do you want? So just like you, i can't make a choice, i can't say it is too late, nor that you can still do it. I'm stranded in the middle, left for whoever understands me best to throw out an idea. Hopefully i'll catch onto it and ride it out like those shooting stars flickering in the sky. You can't pour salt on open wounds, and you cannot push air upon them to heal. You have to give them time to decide for themselves. Though wounds do not have personalities or feelings, i do. I think in this case i was the fallen angel. I fell from grace and i don't plan on returning to wherever angels come from. As many songs said it best, i have a tragedy locked beneath my eyes. You know as well as i do what that tragedy is, but i'm growing up from it. I'm learning my faults and how to fix them. You go bridge jumping and eat your frosting. I'll stick to my hour long chicken nugget sessions with my friends who seem to bond with me now, despite the faults i have, and the pain i bring up repeatedly. They'll never know true woe, but as for you, i'm sure you have a taste or two over time. This is not meant to have the least bit of unsensitivity, but you cannot warm up a heart that has grown cold. But i'll tell you one thing, i have learned my lesson, and i know who i truely am, i'm still trying to understand why i do the things i do, but reflecting upon this entire fiasco, it all falls into place. Like those kiddy 7 piece puzzles you'll find cheap anywhere and everywhere. Words are starting to fade in my mind, and i'm desperately trying to find the words to explain this all in one sitting. It's not working quite well i suppose. But don't be surprised when the morning does arrive, that i am not there. I won't be tucked into my bed safetly, for i have no reason to believe that dreams are so innocent as you propose. They eat you up in the snap of a finger, and can control you. Much like love. Never mix sex and love, it will end up horribly. Because if you give them both of those things, they have control over you, and control is such a powerful thing. They than get a piece of your soul to shape and cut up anyway they like it. Though this is my personal view, developed over time of extensive reading and long hours of letting my mind wander, i will not yield. As i said before, i have nothing against you, but the choices you made before with the words you said, seem to ring clear in the frosty light of morning. And even winter isn't what it seems. Small hands i'll have forever more, smile that could only melt ice cream, and eyes that i know you did not lose yourself in, i'll keep. But for now don't depend on others to reinvent your thoughts and dreams. Keep your own and you'll be fine. Maybe within a few days, which i can heal from the messes i put myself in, we can rebuild what we maybe had. I think that the molds did not break, we did. And that is what caused such a war in our quaint worlds. This is terribly long, and i must go, i have some analyzing to do. Since i'm still not a whole person, i never was, i'm rebuilding myself from the ground up, reforming morals. Though there are not many, but a few nevertheless. You'll see a whole new me soon. It'll shine bright and it will be independent. And maybe that will be my security, to think for myself and to know who i truely am. God help me if i never find out. I'm still soul searching, wizzing through the world of make believe and beautiful creatures. I'll find one who is me in disguise, and i'll bring it back to you, so you can see. And than the world will fall back into it's axis, for we all know everything has been queer for some time now. So yes, tomorrow morning we shall see eachother. But till than, you should fly off yourself Butterfly, and reread past works of art made by you and i. Think about those, and than we'll be okay. Because after all, we are just dumb and jaded.

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