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11/13/2001 c1 69Lowell Boston
Tripwire,

For me this comes across more as prose than poetry. You need line breaks to create a rhythm and meter, rather than long - sentence like lines. Who are 'they' that you refer to as the promise breakers? What promise did they make? Also, the last stanzas abouty globalization feels like it comes out of left field, giving the poem a political rather than a poetic tone. I think you have something here, you just need to polish it a little more.

Lowell
11/13/2001 c1 1Bitterscarlet
Okay. I was fine until you threw globalisation at me WAY out of left field. Maybe this needs another verse. (Don't worry, I'm not supporting globalisation.) It just kind of trivialises everything you wrote up until then. If that was your point, well done. Cut me some slack. I should be asleep and I have no idea what I'm typing.
11/13/2001 c1 5KNW
Short but with powerful meaning, I love the sea, it's sad to watch it and the beaches being destroyed.

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