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1/13/2003 c1 IndyAntilles
First off, meteor is a term given to small apple-seed-sized pieces of space debris that burn up in Earth's atmosphere. So to be hit by a meteor the Talon satellite would have to be in Earth's atmosphere!

Who is talking in this story? The story seems to be about Heather and John, but the narrator often includes himself in the narration as if he were Heather or John. The narration also jumps from present to past tense and is way too rushed. Dialogue is helpful, too. Don't tell us what somebody is saying, let them doing the talking!

LIke most of your other pieces, this could work as a longer short story or maybe a novel. But this is way too short and very raw at that.
2/10/2001 c1 2Malakai89
KOOl mezmorizing. That sorta freaked me out though.
9/23/2000 c1 99Little Miss Shadow
It was simple, but cute. It needs a little work on description, but it was good nonetheless. Good job! ;]

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