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4/28/2008 c24 5I Murder on Impulse
Haha I feel really sorry for her :(

xx
9/4/2007 c24 Strangely Natural
I've noticed that usually in the quiet ones, like introverted Shawn here, there lies an incredible intensity and passion within, for whatever or whoever they care about and to such a degree it's almost frightening but fascinating. He is a consistent and well written character, I enjoyed reading his sections most I think. He's complicated and takes his role as a leader of sorts very seriously, that can make him stubborn but not unapproachable and that makes him a worthwhile person. He does have a tendency of taking people for granted though, especially himself, he has suicidal tendencies which must be overcome urgently, he is rational enough so hope is high.

Jason is an insensitive glutton with the pretensions of a good friend when he wants to be [and he truly is a good friend when he tries, props to him] but a bad boyfriend even though he thinks he likes the girl [Amanda even if she too is a little self-absorbed but good-natured], his thoughts/actions say otherwise. Circumstances rarely favor certain people and he's one of them so that is his only defense.

Alex is a conceited, vicious, psychopathic wretch of a human being, just because she doesn't understand something she decides to dislike it [Emily] and then threatens to directly or not wreck everything that bring it happiness or peace of mind, being the little self-esteem established by eccentricity [star tattoos] or the love of a dedicated hockey captain. She should be made to pay for all her sins by being shunned by the very thing she craves: society's approval [mostly because of her looks] she should learn to stick to people who can tolerate her like David [beast Neanderthal who knows nothing of leaving rivalry where it should be: in the rink, or how to basically behave like a real human being, he should be in jail], instead of going after things and people she can't even fathom comprehending. It makes me happy to know that's exactly what she got.

Kristin and Nick are truly the couple to be, they're not completely in sync like we dream most couples are but they ARE real and they communicate honestly and that all that really matters, that and that they really actually care for each other. Nice role models.

Emily though prime candidate to be the best match for Shawn, is too, a flawed imaginary being, she is somewhat self-absorbed but certainly good-natured and valiant, but thanks to that momentary loss of judgment she practically killed the one person she wanted more than anything. She has a lot to make up for though after being raped she has more than made up for it, if he ever chooses to be with her again the angelic luster has faded and trust must be rebuilt, but despite everything the fact that they love each other will be the deciding factor if she and Shawn can pull through. They both have huge scars and probably only they can heal each other.

Good line, very funny:

*“Too much light...I don’t see a tunnel,” Shawn muttered.

“Dude! You’re not dead! Welcome back to the land of the living!” Jason said excitedly.

“Wonderful...” Shawn muttered again. *

Amazing, simply amazingly written and organized, one of the best and most efficient pieces I've ever read on this site, and I've read some great ones. This was very emotional and serious and so...HUMAN...wonderful writer, truly gifted narrator. More scenic description would be nice, but no matter. I really wish you'd consider a sequel though, for as great this story is at covering bases, it did, in a sense leave the audience wondering, many things: do Shawn and Emily get back together at college at home on holidays etc? Do Nick and Kristin stay together? Does David get out of jail if he's found guilty by a court jury? Does Alex ever recover and if yes does she deserve her good fortune if she has the tendency to never really be good to anyone she can't have? Does Jason find his niche and conquer his weight problems? Do the boys, besides Nick, ever play hickey again? So many questions...no answers...sigh...

Good luck word-smith!
9/2/2007 c1 Strangely Natural
Wonderful beginning
11/6/2006 c11 3purple sea
i really like this story, it's good how it is realistic and everything as well as Shawn is a very likeable, down to earth character which you don't see very often. Unlike others in his position, Shawn is different to it all, that's the part of the story that I really liked. The thing that kept confusing me were all the different characters and how they kept being introduced, afterwhile I just kinda lost track of who they were. Another thing is that shouldn't this be Emily and Shawn's tale? so the characters that keep popping up seem like they have very little significance. You should really think about rewriting this story, and make it focus on the two main character, then it would be completely awesome.
12/27/2004 c14 Dove-Feathered Raven
*sniffles* This chapter made me really cry...Especially because I just lost one of my really good friends to suicide two weeks ago. Good job capturing the feelings of utter loss and helplessness...Exactly the way me and my friends felt.
12/12/2004 c24 2BKGal-24
I hurried through this story thinking it might get better as it went along and well, to be honest I was disappointed. Not by the ending necessarily, sad endings don’t bother me, but by the way I lacked any feeling or connection to the characters. I couldn’t understand their deep seeded motives for anything they did. I have no qualms with your writing skills in general, but the way you developed the story. There seemed to be too many characters and not enough time to develop them. I prefer stories that focus on the two lovers with supporting characters that serve a purpose. A few did, but if you ever rewrote this, I’d concentrate on just Shawn and Emily. Jason and Amanda confused me. Nick and Kristin seemed to just be filler characters and I could never really figure out why Alex was so chameleon like. Throughout the entire story nothing she really did made much sense to me. She seemed to be a jealous vindictive bitch one second and then regret everything the next. What make her change on a dime?

I felt like I was just an observer throughout this story, not really involved; completely detached. I didn’t even care when Anna died because I felt like I didn’t even know who she was. By the time the fifth chapter or so rolls around the reader should feel pretty comfortable that you’re not going to introduce any new major characters. I understood the role that most of them played, but like I said, they seemed to be filler roles and not meaningful. It seems like you only introduced Anna just to kill her off and make everyone sad for a few paragraphs.

I’d suggest again, concentrating on fewer characters and really really get into their minds, their histories, make us as readers actually care what’s going to happen to them. What are their quirks, what are their hopes and dreams, what kind of relationship d they have with their families (whatever possessed Emily to wear fake star tattoos on her cheeks?).

You touched lightly on everything to answer basic questions, but like I reiterated before there was too much jumping around with the plot. Maybe just focus on one year of their lives instead of trying to rush through three years. Anyway, I’m not expert…far from it. I just wanted to be honest with you if you ever wanted to pursue publishing any of your stories because I think you have oodles of talent. Take care. ~BK
12/9/2004 c1 BKGal-24
Nope, wasn't confusing at all. I love the charcters and the minute I realized this story was about hockey I got all excited. My absolute favorite sport to watch, ever. I'm already making little predictions in my head about what's going to happen...hmm...Shawn and Emily together hopefully? Guess I'll have to keep reading!
6/26/2004 c24 1rukki
Wonderful story. Very pragmatic and realistic. I am surprised at the ending though. At first i thought that the ending will be everyone will live happily ever after, but then i reassed the situation. I think the ending was very realiztic. I mean the teenagers have gone through an ordeal that most teenagers wouldn't. It is probably a traumatic experience for most of them. it is just soo practical and realistic. the ending gives a melancholy feeling not a effervescent feeling of happiness. Yet it is wonderfully wrapped up. I am also surprised to find out that you are a male writer. There aren't a lot of male writers here on fictionpress. One of about male writers is that you guys are more practical whereas the female writers aim for the happily ever after. Do write the sequel. yeah...hockey is great! =]
4/24/2004 c18 8DidntCryOnce
Oh..this better not end up as a tragedy. So far, great story.
-Steph
1/17/2004 c8 MimiGhost
UPDATE SOON
5/30/2003 c24 Sarah
I love reading stuff that guys write. They aren't seen very often and some of them shouldn't try to write, but I think I feel in love with you while reading this. Seriously you are one of the better writers I have read on here. Can't wait for a sequel.
3/30/2003 c24 1mizbritt
Omigosh.. I'm crying so hard right now.. lol! I can't believe that Shawn & Emily didn't stay together though.. I mean, gosh.. I hate that part! Lol! But it's great how it's not all fairy-tale-ish! I think you picked the perfect last prom song.. the words.. gosh. But my eyes are all teary now.. lol!

You're such an awesome writer & I can't wait to read a sequel *hint hint* if you do one! Well.. I guess that pretty much wraps things up! G'luck with all your other works! =)

~Britt
8/29/2002 c24 3sixty-nine
no idea exactly how i found your pen name, but i'm here. god damn, that rocked. seriously, honestly, completely, THAT FUCKING ROCKED! i can't emphasize that enough.

as for guys writing romance novels, you're the first with a good one that i've found here. jesus christ, if i knew you for real i'd ask you out in a second. ah, woe is me. ;)

going to check out the sequel plans now. see 'ya around, dude, and look at my crap if you get a minute, would 'ya?
5/11/2002 c24 reader rabbit
You better write a sequel, because frankly, right now, I'm very angry! They are so perfect! I can't decide whether to kick my computer in in anger because they couldn't be together or cry because they couldn't be together, so I'll settle with writing a review laced with both emtions. Please, I'm begging you to write a sequel, and you should get this published, you're a very talented writer!
5/7/2002 c24 Stormer
Okay, I'll start with general comments. Firstly, I was a little irritated at Shawn for seeming so annoyed at Emily, even though he has a right to be in one sense. The part that made me think Shawn was being a prick was when he said "no one ever betrayed your trust". I think if there's a sequel to this story, Shawn will think about what he said and come to regret it! (I'd hope anyway-implying that Emily's crime was worse (at least in one way) than the crime of which she was a victim). Okay so now I'm figuring Alex DID get raped. I know she's been awful but I feel sorry for her. Anyone who goes through that deserves empathy. Anyway, in conclusion...WOW! Congratulations on finishing this! It's one hell of an epic story. You've written a monster (as in a huge piece of work) here. *g* It would be so great if you got it published. I hope some of my comments throughout this will be of some use to you; I know how much I appreciate good reviewing (i.e. helpful as well as encouraging:) so I try to provide that for those whose stories I read, esp. if they're bloody brilliant and gripping like yours is! I hope to read more romance of yours in the future *g*
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