for Fragility7/14/2005 c1 
31emptyword
so poignant, so fluid. The poem seems to gradually speed up and send one tumbling to the horrifying end. And the images created here are amazing. So vivid. Very well done!
31emptywordso poignant, so fluid. The poem seems to gradually speed up and send one tumbling to the horrifying end. And the images created here are amazing. So vivid. Very well done!
6/24/2005 c1 30Weeba
Beautiful. Shatteringly evocative and filled with imagery better than most I've seen on this site. I've seen very, very few writers who could write something like this in the throes of depression; most people hit their ruts in those time periods because they can't really write any thing original, because most depression isn't new. You have to find new ways to write about it, and boy, did you. Lovely, lovely.
I love the blank verse, but the way you break it at the end of each stanza. It's startling and innovative and not quite on the beaten path. Very interesting.
Keep writing!
~Weeba~
30WeebaBeautiful. Shatteringly evocative and filled with imagery better than most I've seen on this site. I've seen very, very few writers who could write something like this in the throes of depression; most people hit their ruts in those time periods because they can't really write any thing original, because most depression isn't new. You have to find new ways to write about it, and boy, did you. Lovely, lovely.
I love the blank verse, but the way you break it at the end of each stanza. It's startling and innovative and not quite on the beaten path. Very interesting.
Keep writing!
~Weeba~
6/21/2005 c1 9Au Printemps
The first half is amazing and really resonant. I've been out of rhythm with myself lately, and have occasionally tried to write poetry that would explain it to me, and ease the ache of what's been shut off to me - just that as is in the first half. It sounds very much like what I might have written, best of possible worlds. Word choice, rhythm, and meaning.
Stanzas 1-4 are incredibly beautiful and near about perfect to me.
Beyond that, yes, very nice sounding and looking, but, beginning with the blood - and then to shattered glass and mask - very secondhand motifs. And thus not real/true. I call things like that, "summon words or phrases" ... culture has give them a meaning/motif and a writer pops them in and they summon. But it's all very secondhand. And not powerful.
So I am myself only paying attention to the first half, 1-4, and favoriting this because it is so ... exactly what I needed. And really wonderful apart from what I bring to it. I never thought I would find someone who wrote that white glory way of living better than I did. But you do here.
9Au PrintempsThe first half is amazing and really resonant. I've been out of rhythm with myself lately, and have occasionally tried to write poetry that would explain it to me, and ease the ache of what's been shut off to me - just that as is in the first half. It sounds very much like what I might have written, best of possible worlds. Word choice, rhythm, and meaning.
Stanzas 1-4 are incredibly beautiful and near about perfect to me.
Beyond that, yes, very nice sounding and looking, but, beginning with the blood - and then to shattered glass and mask - very secondhand motifs. And thus not real/true. I call things like that, "summon words or phrases" ... culture has give them a meaning/motif and a writer pops them in and they summon. But it's all very secondhand. And not powerful.
So I am myself only paying attention to the first half, 1-4, and favoriting this because it is so ... exactly what I needed. And really wonderful apart from what I bring to it. I never thought I would find someone who wrote that white glory way of living better than I did. But you do here.
4/10/2004 c1 Alchemist 3xx3
Beautiful. I notice that the mask theme is common these days. That's not a good sign. But I love your writing style, it's very elegant.
Beautiful. I notice that the mask theme is common these days. That's not a good sign. But I love your writing style, it's very elegant.
12/6/2003 c1 25Dragon Ladysupreme
I'm tellin ya. I love it when ppl stick in the mask theme. and the dance is a great way for your expression.
25Dragon LadysupremeI'm tellin ya. I love it when ppl stick in the mask theme. and the dance is a great way for your expression.
11/21/2003 c1 30The Freaky Butt Mate
This is really good. It leaves a haunting image in your mind. ^.^
30The Freaky Butt MateThis is really good. It leaves a haunting image in your mind. ^.^
9/17/2003 c1 sanguinejuly
this is quite beautiful (I do have a small vocabulary) and touching because personally I could sort of relate to it.
this is quite beautiful (I do have a small vocabulary) and touching because personally I could sort of relate to it.
12/16/2002 c1 ShadowsLight aka ChibiAsakuy
Very touching poem, one of the best I've ever read. I sometimes write poems, always based on my emotions or feelings, but I'm not verygood at them. But I enjoy writing them. Keep up the wonderful work.
Very touching poem, one of the best I've ever read. I sometimes write poems, always based on my emotions or feelings, but I'm not verygood at them. But I enjoy writing them. Keep up the wonderful work.
11/16/2002 c1 11inky-clyde
That's... Deep. It's a lovely poem. I think that you're a good writer! Keep it up!
11inky-clydeThat's... Deep. It's a lovely poem. I think that you're a good writer! Keep it up!