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6/18/2000 c13 Chica
A little weird . . . I was confused through out most of the story, but I have to admit its kind of good. Um . . . maybe add a little more detail. Everything is too complicated.Too much fighting. Anywayz . . hope that will help you if you want to make another story . . .
5/6/2000 c14 LT TRAINR
Interesting. I will check your stories.
4/29/2000 c14 Seska
Seems 13 is your lucky number because this is going to be reviewd.

A dream is always an easy way out, maybe it's worth considering writing a different end and post it as well.

But it's a nice story.

Well, maybe nice isn't the word, but you get the idea, don't you.

It's good to know there are people writing originals here as well.

I feel your pain. Just no one reads them, do they?

I've written one as well, but I get like three people who've opened it.

That's why I'm reviewing as much as I can.

Anyway, back to the story.

Maybe you should try using 'Shift+Enter' that way you get no open lines in HTML format. Try it.

Oh yeah. Maybe you're getting a bit too 'He did that. She said that. (and the other way around.) You do it when something happends a lot.

But who am I to say this, I'm doing it myself.

Anyway, maybe this can help to get the story more in one piece. (and putting all chapters together would help as well. I can't find all of the parts.

If I ask for all your stories, the comp gives me some weird message about not opening the page.Well, maybe I'm not supposed to, after all this is R rated, and I've got still a lot of years to go until I will be that old. Let's keep it a secret, OK?)

The long bits of text in the other parts are difficult to read, because you easily looke where you were reading.

Apart from all of this: the story is good. At least that's mu humble opinion.
4/11/2000 c8 LT TRAINR
ok I admit the first paragraph was cheesy. Screw me.
4/11/2000 c2 Puffinstuf 2
A bit too much like DBZ to be original fiction at first glance. Firing beams? Using swords? The usual paragraph problems, and these characters are way too humanoid-they may as well be Bajorans from DS9.
4/11/2000 c1 Nitro
Hey leet trainer. Im glad you like my fics. If you could give me your email that would be appreciated. I wrote a dbz fic if ya wanna read it.
4/11/2000 c1 LT TRAINR
sry I'm a crazy paranoid person that IS INSANE INSANE INSANE! I'll go look at your dbz stuffs
4/11/2000 c1 Puffinstuf 4
It would be good with some improvement. For example: your paragraphs are way too long, they remind me a little of the paragraphs that I used in Pokemon Future but these ones are even longer. You should start a paragraph every time you switch to another character's view on something else, every time you switch to another scene and every time someone talks. The rules don't have to be followed to the letter, but at least change every few sentences, then it'll be easier to read. The characters are also less alien, in fact too Human to be on another planet. It seems interesting so far, though...

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