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for The Fate of the Dragon

4/14/2006 c1 24Thomas Maplewood
Good JobThe first thing I noticed was that you don't have any description. Though you described the characters, still, a reader would be left wondering what the forest looked like, the mountains, and the overall feel of the place. If you add that, your writing style would be boosted and the reader would feel more comfertable. I also noticied that there were a lot of Euro symbols insert4ed into words. I don't know if that was intentional, or accidental, but it got really annoying. Fix it. Another mistake of yours was that you started off too fast. Slow down! Unless you have a lot, and i mean, a lot of material, you're going to end up with a really short story. Right away, you leapt into the story, all of a sudden, dragon print, then deathtouch! Slow down. I suggest forshadow the end, or something, at the very beginning, and then add how Trenna found the print. If you clean it up a bit, and have a solid plot line behind it, this could be really good. Favorite Stories list for sure. Keep up the good work.
3/7/2006 c3 1For What Its Worth
cool story. although tragic. but very nicely done.
6/27/2005 c3 blah
well written. ive got some minor questions and critique.

1) xargoth mountains? did you by chance take this name from the computer game gothic? "xardas" is a main character, and i immediatly(sp) noticed the two names blended together.

2) creative names...

3)something seems...awkward. like its rushed. cant exactly put my finger on it, but maybe get some beta reader to help you out to aviod this?

other than that, great job. keep up the good work.
3/20/2005 c3 arkiewmn
Very well written and a wonderful story!
11/10/2003 c3 Anthony. sigh who am I kidding. Twon
I really enjoyed reading it. I'm sorry that I can't really critique it in any way though. I can see why you would change your major to english now. Though you may have writen this 3 years ago, reading this has inspired me to once again work on my own original ideas. I'll be sure to read more of your work from now on.
2/12/2002 c1 8Lynliss
WOW! That was really amazing. The story idea is fascinating and well fleshed out. There were only a few technical difficulties that I saw. When you put the "he said" at the end of a quotation, you don't capitalize, eg. "Hello," he said, as opposed to "Hello," He said. One small little thing that happens frequently in this tale.

I enjoy your characters. They are very real and that is quite an accomplishment. As you are aware, there is certainly room to improve upon this, but as it stands it is a very enjoyable read. :-)

Just a question about how you write: Do you use a beta-reader? I haven't been and I am trying to decide whether I should. Insights would be appreciated if you have any.

All in all, I really enjoyed this story, and I hope that some time you will go back and make those little changes that will bring it from good to truly excellent. (I, of course, am no expert, so my opinion may be of little value, but I hope that you will find my words encouraging.)

Good work!
12/24/2000 c1 Shrimpy
wow! That was awesome! GREAT JOB! ^_^ *Sniff* omg, that was sad though, I was crying my eye's out when Leoric died. WAHHHHHHHHHHH! but.. that would be awesome if you could write a sequel! I LOVED THIS! Perfect job. You are a great writer.
8/17/2000 c1 16Shawna
Well, thank you for writing a review. I was beginning to wonder if anyone would. I was considering a sequel to this story, about the young dragons, but first I thought it might be interesting to write a prequel, telling of how Trenna and Leoric met, and their earlier adventures. Anyone who sees this, feel free to tell me what you think of a prequel, and please write a review of this story. Once again, Thank You for your review Crystal Phoenix.
8/17/2000 c1 1Crystal Shekeira
What an excellent tale! I absolutely LOVED it! I must say, I've read too much Dragonlance, because I was alittle dubious about gold, copper, silver and bronzes being evil, but to each his own. A true masterpiece, to say the least. The plot, the dialogue, the DRAGONS, all were extremely well done. Will you be doing a sequel? I sure hope so. *winks grey, diamond-shaped eyes, turns and flies off on golden wings*

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