Just In
for Hide and Seek

12/29/2005 c1 8PinkValiant
Ouch...I loved the ending...being so used to happy ones, this actually took me by surprise!
4/6/2004 c1 26pneumothorax
Personally, I thought it lacked some detail and yes, was one sided. A good attempt though :)
12/20/2002 c1 Eliar Swiftfire
Yeah, it's me, the guy who wrote Slam Dunk: Inside Stuff.

You're right, the plot's pretty cliched and predictable, but then, your teacher's probably attracted by the (rather) poetic prose and some of the (pretty vivid) descriptions. Hell, teachers are suckers for descriptions, you could write some short stuff about you walking into the toilet and they would still love it if you describe it well enough.

You probably wrote it quite some time ago, hence the unpolished writing style. But it's good that you know your own flaws. The Japanese dudes portrayed are stereotypical... cruel they may be, but since they're humans too... they shouldn't be that 1-dimensional. Yup.

But then, since the story is told thru your protaganist's POV, this will explain the shallowness of the baddies.
12/20/2001 c1 6Sacharine
well this is certainly strange.. four months after the story is posted then the reviews came in.. (^_^) well since you review my story i guess i just have to return the favour... the description of the background is wonderful, i could pratically see it unfurling in front of me.. :o) however the ending was rather abrupt... i think the friendship between the two guys could be further illustrated to make the emotion come more into play... you know adding something like erm... 'the hatred for them, the sudden dull pain that exploded in his chest but not more than the pain at watching his best pal dying... he feel so helpless, so weak... angry useless tears that burn at his eyes trail down his face as he watch his friend took his last breath. Silently he swore to himself, his left hand pressed against his fatal chest wound, that Jared would not had die in vain, and with his right, the hand that palmed the detonator, he pressed the button almost gleefully."

that is how i would have ended it... but well, you are you .. i'm me... my ending is not that wonderful, so tats tats. By the way, how did you find my fic? that so strange.. four months without any reviews and sudenly in december 3 reviews pop up. Cheers Sach... feel free to contact me thru e-mail - .. i have an idea to set up a webring for born in 1986 writers.. since there is so many... i have discover (^_^)...
4/10/2001 c1 Maximus
This is my third piece for the night, and you have really put me down quite a bit. Something more cheerful next time, perhaps? I would have appreciated it a lot if you had further attempted to build upon the friends' relationship so that the pain of the loss could be intensified. You built the atmosphere really well and it was a pity to end as abruptly as such. Maximus
11/26/2000 c1 3Danny Steels
Wow, pretty good. Much better than mine. Nice!
9/7/2000 c1 99Little Miss Shadow
That was really good! Great puncuation and all that, which really makes a difference. Well written, very realistic. Good work! ;]
8/22/2000 c1 vez
Love it :)
8/15/2000 c1 Lisa
::speechless::...That was some seriously deep stuff... he died... the brave and loyal soldier died... ::sniffs:: Excellent story...

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