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1/7/2004 c2 umm
weird ending, very unlike anything i expected. Anna loved cameron and then she loved rafael and then she was mad at rafael, then she was raped by cameron and then she loved rafael, very illogical. Cameron also was extreamly unreal, he raped his ex-fiancee? and then the guys are okay with it at the end, they cry but are somehow friends? i like your general plot a lot, but i think the story could be re-written, it has such great potential. hope to see more of your stuff up soon
11/14/2003 c1 7Rachelle Rusher
Amazing. Almost cried. Keep it up.

'cries of pain' etc. sounds a bit melodramatic though. So many people use it that it's began to sound hackneyed and trite. Try using different phrases, perhaps more emotive eg. shrieks of terror and agony.

Overall really good though, good storyline. This has a lot of potential.

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