for The Elements8/18/2008 c2 
9Mayo on toast
brilliant story so far, just check the spelling of "techniquality". I assume you mean technicality. Other than that, though, perfect.
9Mayo on toastbrilliant story so far, just check the spelling of "techniquality". I assume you mean technicality. Other than that, though, perfect.
1/18/2004 c5 8Kezkay
I found the beginning events of this chapter -quite- confusing. There were a lot of tense/POV changes...
The description leading up to the boat going on the water was very thorough, and none of THOSE events were confusing. Craft-wise, nothing much was lacking, I just think that there was a little too much dialogue at the end. She seemed a little too in control when she awoke. Perhaps it would be better to have her jump out of the boat/attack him FIRST? Then wind-rider rescues her, explains...and a big wave topples her overboard? Eh, I dunno.
-Kez
8KezkayI found the beginning events of this chapter -quite- confusing. There were a lot of tense/POV changes...
The description leading up to the boat going on the water was very thorough, and none of THOSE events were confusing. Craft-wise, nothing much was lacking, I just think that there was a little too much dialogue at the end. She seemed a little too in control when she awoke. Perhaps it would be better to have her jump out of the boat/attack him FIRST? Then wind-rider rescues her, explains...and a big wave topples her overboard? Eh, I dunno.
-Kez
10/20/2003 c11 Lord Iceberg
Aluralas, it's me, Lord Iceberg.
Sorry I haven't done a proper review before now, but I've been reading this for quite some time. I love it!
The idea for the story is fantastic!
I can't find much to comment on, because to me this seems perfect, but there is a little trick I think you should try at this point, a trick that I am using in The Spire Of Serenon, Chapter 9. See into the eyes of the enemy, or somebody behind enemy lines. So far, as much with your story as with mine, the narration has focused on the main character. For a page, half a page, half a chapter, focus on someone within the brotherhood. Dialogue should be present, maybe the people could be excited because they've identified Wind-Rider, or disappointed because they wanted to find out more from the posession episode. The passage could incorporate rumours about what the leader's next move was to be, or you could actually focus on the leader of the brotherhood, and what he is doing.
Overall, this passage should give away a little, but not much. If this strategy is carefully used, it turns the suspense up a notch and lures the reader deeper into the tale.
That's all for now, and In regards to your query about the domes, they are made of transparent material.
Keep the chapters coming,
Lord Iceberg
Aluralas, it's me, Lord Iceberg.
Sorry I haven't done a proper review before now, but I've been reading this for quite some time. I love it!
The idea for the story is fantastic!
I can't find much to comment on, because to me this seems perfect, but there is a little trick I think you should try at this point, a trick that I am using in The Spire Of Serenon, Chapter 9. See into the eyes of the enemy, or somebody behind enemy lines. So far, as much with your story as with mine, the narration has focused on the main character. For a page, half a page, half a chapter, focus on someone within the brotherhood. Dialogue should be present, maybe the people could be excited because they've identified Wind-Rider, or disappointed because they wanted to find out more from the posession episode. The passage could incorporate rumours about what the leader's next move was to be, or you could actually focus on the leader of the brotherhood, and what he is doing.
Overall, this passage should give away a little, but not much. If this strategy is carefully used, it turns the suspense up a notch and lures the reader deeper into the tale.
That's all for now, and In regards to your query about the domes, they are made of transparent material.
Keep the chapters coming,
Lord Iceberg
8/22/2003 c3 6Belle the Shadow-Cat
Cool story. I like the whole plot at the moment and hiding the key in the flour kinda set me laughing. And the windrider is awsome.
-Belle
6Belle the Shadow-CatCool story. I like the whole plot at the moment and hiding the key in the flour kinda set me laughing. And the windrider is awsome.
-Belle
8/13/2003 c4 8Kezkay
WHE~! I'm on a reviewing rampage today! hahahahha! Alma and Apek are so funny! They are the epitome of a strange, old couple who know each other TOO well. I especially liked them bantering about the lock on the door and the locked clothes in the sea chest. I have one suggestion: A little more description of the mob, mostly Keprim and Balcan. I'l try to review again soon, -Kez
8KezkayWHE~! I'm on a reviewing rampage today! hahahahha! Alma and Apek are so funny! They are the epitome of a strange, old couple who know each other TOO well. I especially liked them bantering about the lock on the door and the locked clothes in the sea chest. I have one suggestion: A little more description of the mob, mostly Keprim and Balcan. I'l try to review again soon, -Kez
6/22/2003 c8 1HyperFalcon
Imagine my surprise when I saw that you had added me to your favourite authors list... Thanks a bunch!
Your story is quite good so far, and I sense that it will definitely improve with time. Keep up the good work!
MegaManX
1HyperFalconImagine my surprise when I saw that you had added me to your favourite authors list... Thanks a bunch!
Your story is quite good so far, and I sense that it will definitely improve with time. Keep up the good work!
MegaManX
5/19/2003 c3 8Kezkay
I was looking over what was available to me on FPress, and I FINALLY noticed there was a section on Fav authors/stories! Wow... Anyway, zat waz GREAT, AWESOME, INSPIRING. Your dialogue is great, I loved the arguments between Apek and Alma (Wind-Rider is SO COOL), but it seems like your fic could use just a little more description. Hmm, it looks like the last time you updated was Feb 17... hurry up and update again!
8KezkayI was looking over what was available to me on FPress, and I FINALLY noticed there was a section on Fav authors/stories! Wow... Anyway, zat waz GREAT, AWESOME, INSPIRING. Your dialogue is great, I loved the arguments between Apek and Alma (Wind-Rider is SO COOL), but it seems like your fic could use just a little more description. Hmm, it looks like the last time you updated was Feb 17... hurry up and update again!
5/15/2003 c1 11Megx
Good job! I like your story! Thank you so much for reviewing Black Witch! Yours was an incredible review, I liked it very much! Please come and read more, I would finish your story now but I am so busy! ^_^
Great story, you use nice visualization and your characters fit well into the essence of a time ruled by hatred and bias. Keep up the good work!
11MegxGood job! I like your story! Thank you so much for reviewing Black Witch! Yours was an incredible review, I liked it very much! Please come and read more, I would finish your story now but I am so busy! ^_^
Great story, you use nice visualization and your characters fit well into the essence of a time ruled by hatred and bias. Keep up the good work!