for Waves4/9/2007 c1 What I Am Without
OMG!
That was soo good. You should up the rating one though, as there was a little language stuff.
OMG!
That was soo good. You should up the rating one though, as there was a little language stuff.
7/8/2005 c1 burnt smile
A beautiful piece. I, personally, think it should stand alone. Didn't think they said 'Dude' too much, but, of course, I'm a west coast native, so maybe I'm used to it. Awesome job.
A beautiful piece. I, personally, think it should stand alone. Didn't think they said 'Dude' too much, but, of course, I'm a west coast native, so maybe I'm used to it. Awesome job.
10/4/2004 c1 
3smellslikerainbows
It's definately a beautiful piece, perfectly capable of standing alone. If it were up to me, I'd leave it, as is. It wraps itself up nicely ,especailly at the end. I appreciate how Ash comes across as very human, very innocent and not as some horny jerk. There's nothing crude here. The ending, especially the part where he understands the saying about conformity while looking at his friends, is especially poetic because of what is not said.
The descriptions of heat are amazing and lovely as well.
3smellslikerainbowsIt's definately a beautiful piece, perfectly capable of standing alone. If it were up to me, I'd leave it, as is. It wraps itself up nicely ,especailly at the end. I appreciate how Ash comes across as very human, very innocent and not as some horny jerk. There's nothing crude here. The ending, especially the part where he understands the saying about conformity while looking at his friends, is especially poetic because of what is not said.
The descriptions of heat are amazing and lovely as well.
4/8/2004 c1 Domz
Not that you mind or anything but I don't think you should write a sequel. Not that it's bad or anything. It's quite good actually-but it should end there. It's beautiful as it is-it should be left hanging. It's a superb concept and blatant. Everyone can relate-everyone has something to hide.
Not that you mind or anything but I don't think you should write a sequel. Not that it's bad or anything. It's quite good actually-but it should end there. It's beautiful as it is-it should be left hanging. It's a superb concept and blatant. Everyone can relate-everyone has something to hide.
4/7/2004 c1 45doubleb19
wow. this is really good, you really should do some more with it, maybe we could meet the mysterious Ethan?
45doubleb19wow. this is really good, you really should do some more with it, maybe we could meet the mysterious Ethan?
3/14/2004 c1 4Domestic bliss
I've honestly never read anything so well done on fictionpress. I'm really impressed. For some reason, your style reminds me of James Patterson. Yeah...as weird as that sounds. Anyways, keep the chapters coming.
4Domestic blissI've honestly never read anything so well done on fictionpress. I'm really impressed. For some reason, your style reminds me of James Patterson. Yeah...as weird as that sounds. Anyways, keep the chapters coming.
12/15/2003 c1 19gellar the third
vonderful! ^slurps blood^
you express thoughts so beautifully, im kicking myself for not reviewing this before.
keep stunning me.
19gellar the thirdvonderful! ^slurps blood^
you express thoughts so beautifully, im kicking myself for not reviewing this before.
keep stunning me.
12/6/2003 c1 2Lady Chance
0.0 you have OFFICALLY ground dear I-nv-u50 into the dust. *blink* Wonderful, amazing, pure genius! . Words cannot compare to the control you have over words! Keep writing, you're an extraordinary writer!
2Lady Chance0.0 you have OFFICALLY ground dear I-nv-u50 into the dust. *blink* Wonderful, amazing, pure genius! . Words cannot compare to the control you have over words! Keep writing, you're an extraordinary writer!
7/19/2003 c1 2Gandella Raye
I don't think they say dude too much, I live in San Diego, so I guess I hear it a lot. Anyways, this is amazing! I'm a terrible reviewer, I know, but that's all I can think of to say...
2Gandella RayeI don't think they say dude too much, I live in San Diego, so I guess I hear it a lot. Anyways, this is amazing! I'm a terrible reviewer, I know, but that's all I can think of to say...
6/15/2003 c1 Anya Weinstein
Wow, this story was AMAZING! I loved it. ^_^ The only critique I can think of is that the characters seemed to say "dude" a little too much. Then again, I don't live in Southern California, so I wouldn't know how often teenagers there usually say "dude." Oh well... anyway, I liked the characterization: you have a light touch. And the plot unfolded beautifully.
Wow, this story was AMAZING! I loved it. ^_^ The only critique I can think of is that the characters seemed to say "dude" a little too much. Then again, I don't live in Southern California, so I wouldn't know how often teenagers there usually say "dude." Oh well... anyway, I liked the characterization: you have a light touch. And the plot unfolded beautifully.
6/14/2003 c1 Lauren
amazing. that was terrific. i loved it. damn i donno what to say... its brilliant?
Loz
amazing. that was terrific. i loved it. damn i donno what to say... its brilliant?
Loz
6/9/2003 c1 5Aezy
Well done on this piece! The main character is very well developed, considering the length of the piece and his friends also seem to have traits that could become definitive if you developed this piece; Garrett seems to be more thoughful than Davis, for example. Keep it up, this is v. good!
Aezy
5AezyWell done on this piece! The main character is very well developed, considering the length of the piece and his friends also seem to have traits that could become definitive if you developed this piece; Garrett seems to be more thoughful than Davis, for example. Keep it up, this is v. good!
Aezy