4/6/2002 c1 Terraxos
Hmm, not bad. Originals are so much better than 'proper' fanfics aren't they? This one is certainly better than some others I've read. But how does Jak ring Jane and then appear at the door a second later? Did he use a mobile?

4/3/2002 c1 4amos digg
not too bad, just try going through and editing sentence by sentence, try to make it flow. That's what works (or at least I hope it does) for me

:)