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for The Color of Moonlight

6/7/2002 c3 Mina Carlisle
Yay another chapter another review for the excellencr of this. Its great and usually I am so critical. But yours is one of the best.
6/7/2002 c3 1HyperFalcon
Two Spanish tests? Bah! Try 5 chemistry exams...

0_o

It's a common ailment amongst writers in high school and college: Exam-induced writer's block.

Don't worry. The ideas will come back to you soon, and I'll be here to read them when they do. Keep going!
5/28/2002 c2 Mina Carlisle
This is awesome! I really liked reading this so two words well actually three words I have for you: Write on sister!
5/19/2002 c2 HyperFalcon
Heya DreamSeraph. Thanks for your review on my story. More should be up soon.

As for your story, write more PLEASE! I love it!
5/18/2002 c2 4Moonstrike
The second chapter is as good as the first, and complements it well. It was worth the wait. You've introduced Tal, who is almost as interesting and imaginative as Shimoyo. I can't wait to see how their paths are going to cross. Straight to the criticism. The line "several hundred years worth of memories dumped on her..." is good, except for the word "dumped". It doesn't suit the line - in fact, it doesn't suit the entire chapter. It sounds almost out of context. It's too modern, too crude, perhaps. Otherwise, your writing is... (trying to find a suitable word)... well... beautiful. It flows. Can't describe it any other way. And it still sounds natural. However, to finish the chapter with her diving into the lake, might not work so well. You've given some build-up when you describe her wings folding around her. You also mention that she doesn't like what she is about to do. That's good. However, you might want to explain why she's diving into the water. Is something in it/beyond it? If so, mention IN PASSING (as in give a name but no explanation) what it is. Otherwise, readers might not be interested enough to read on. The point of chapters is to keep them guessing constantly, but drop enticing hints now and then. I have suspicions myself as to why she's diving into the lake, but best not to voice it. And please, introduce Tal soon, because he's really captured my interest. Personally, I'm the biggest fan of elves, and love to see how writers use the concept. Some make elves too ordinary in their books, others make them too weird and wonderful, to really relate to them. "Magician" (Raymond E. Feist), is the book I've read so far,that has made the best use of elves, in my opinion. His elves are wonderful and intriguing. And yes, continue to write this story. You obviously know how to write, why waste the talent?
5/15/2002 c2 3Phoenix Nighthawk
I still like it a lot. I kinda get it a bit better now, the beginning kinda left a bit in doubt but now it's a little clearer. I'm still confused about the relationship between the elf and the seraph, but i'm hoping that you'll revelop it more in later chapters. Thanks for e-mailing me, I really like reading good stories.
5/15/2002 c2 5Dracorum
Hey! I'm back! Thanks for e-mailing me.

I love the way you describe things, I can actually feel the wind on my face when I read.

Keep it up!
5/14/2002 c2 3Charanth182
That was quick to get up another chapter... I'm slow at that normally, yes it makes more sense now, but not completely. Obviously humans are "bad" hehe. Really would like to continue you've got a great start :)

Charanth
5/12/2002 c1 3Phoenix Nighthawk
I like it a lot. Keep going with it. It's pretty gripping right from the start. I can't wait to see more.
5/11/2002 c1 8Xefeon
...ok. there is only ONE word for this story...WOW!

Great story! can't wait for more!

~Xefeon ^_^
5/10/2002 c1 5Dracorum
Hi DreamSeraph! i think you'll remember me. I love your stories. You know what? I'm jealous(in a friendly kind of way). you keep writing and I'll do mind. OK?
5/10/2002 c1 moonstrike
Um... all I can say is that this is one of two, and ONLY two, stories that has manage to keep me going past the firt paragraph. I searched frantically - literally - at the bottom of the page for the next chapter. Where is it? I love your idea of the Seraphim? It is so original, I can't believe it. You do a good job of capturing the reader. You don't give away immediately who or what Shimoyo is, however you explain enough of her job after the initial few paragraphs. You slip in now and then, that she has creators that assigned to her a specific task, to protect this forest. You don't specify what the great danger is should the forest be discovered. Good. That way you can keep the reader into the second or even third chapter. Your writing style is easy to understand, and you try to keep confusing sentences to a minimum. You've hooked me with the idea of her waiting for her creators to return. Her having six wings, and speaking liquid words is very good - stopped her from simply being an overglorified fairy. The name of your protagonist is inventive and easy to read. No annoying spellings to confuse the mind. Only one criticism, there's no second chapter. Don't tell me you've given up on it?
5/8/2002 c1 2BLiND DiSBELiEF
*sniff* she gets it from me...

All: -_-

Me: *bb* ^_^0 anywho, I LOVE YOUR WRITING! and anyone who wants to be scared and hear by disturbed, view some of mine!

~*Kaikou-san

*purple sheep runs by*
5/7/2002 c1 chelly the cheerleader
WHEEEEEEEE! how totally spiffy *evil giggle* You are an AWESOME writer! write more, PLEASE! Amin mela le! -your crazy friend

P.S.got any sugar?
5/5/2002 c1 3Charanth182
Very interesting, Don't quit get it but I'll understand when you update :) tell me when you do!
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