for Everything6/29/2012 c1 
2thisnameisnowtaken
This was great... I love your way of describing, you use so beautiful words. You're really great at shortstories, I think, but then again, that's all I've read from you.
Anyways, the best part may have been your author's note in the end - really made me laugh (yeah, seriously) :-) lol
2thisnameisnowtakenThis was great... I love your way of describing, you use so beautiful words. You're really great at shortstories, I think, but then again, that's all I've read from you.
Anyways, the best part may have been your author's note in the end - really made me laugh (yeah, seriously) :-) lol
6/17/2005 c6 11Areneth
This story was odd. It was definately original. I have never seen anything in this light before, it was very interesting. There were a few grammar errors like putting things in the right tense(future, past, present). But it was still a very interesting piece of work.
11ArenethThis story was odd. It was definately original. I have never seen anything in this light before, it was very interesting. There were a few grammar errors like putting things in the right tense(future, past, present). But it was still a very interesting piece of work.
12/11/2003 c6 7Flamehail
Typos:
**"along it. Watching as each" = "along it, watching as each"
Of course, all these "typos" things I've been doing are pretty picky. I have issues with commas, is all. Perhaps it'll help, though.
And the future. I like this little idea. It stands very well on its own, but you have also set the stage for a full-blown story. What would happen if something went wrong with their magic (or whatever you call it) or with the ladies and the children themselves? All sorts of interesting things and a great story, I bet! But it works on its own and I shall accept this one is finished. A wonderful theory/concept, though. You seem to have a lot of those. ^_^
Til next time,
Flamehail
7FlamehailTypos:
**"along it. Watching as each" = "along it, watching as each"
Of course, all these "typos" things I've been doing are pretty picky. I have issues with commas, is all. Perhaps it'll help, though.
And the future. I like this little idea. It stands very well on its own, but you have also set the stage for a full-blown story. What would happen if something went wrong with their magic (or whatever you call it) or with the ladies and the children themselves? All sorts of interesting things and a great story, I bet! But it works on its own and I shall accept this one is finished. A wonderful theory/concept, though. You seem to have a lot of those. ^_^
Til next time,
Flamehail
12/11/2003 c5 Flamehail
Typos:
**"face, that is always serene, and" = "face that is always serene and"
**"a morning mother" = "a mourning mother"
Ah, of course the future is in here too. White, green, and gold.
Flamehail
Typos:
**"face, that is always serene, and" = "face that is always serene and"
**"a morning mother" = "a mourning mother"
Ah, of course the future is in here too. White, green, and gold.
Flamehail
12/11/2003 c4 Flamehail
What is there to say but yay for the Green Lady? o_0 You bear in mind the whole "live in the instant" thing needed for these present-dwellers quite nicely.
Flamehail
What is there to say but yay for the Green Lady? o_0 You bear in mind the whole "live in the instant" thing needed for these present-dwellers quite nicely.
Flamehail
12/11/2003 c3 Flamehail
Hmm, does one remember something that is yet to come? "a dim memory that it will be over" is to what I refer. Seems a bit odd.
Typos:
**"forest shade, a small smile" = "forest shade. A small smile"
**"green and seem the size" = "green and seems the size"
**"mug a women." = "mug a woman."
I'm liking the symmetry (if that's the word for it) between the white and the green and their association with the orbs. You are setting up your little theory/universe quite nicely.
Flamehail
Hmm, does one remember something that is yet to come? "a dim memory that it will be over" is to what I refer. Seems a bit odd.
Typos:
**"forest shade, a small smile" = "forest shade. A small smile"
**"green and seem the size" = "green and seems the size"
**"mug a women." = "mug a woman."
I'm liking the symmetry (if that's the word for it) between the white and the green and their association with the orbs. You are setting up your little theory/universe quite nicely.
Flamehail
12/11/2003 c2 Flamehail
I'm green with envy at the shortness of this. -_-
Typos:
**"rarely shifting the White" = "rarely shifting, the White"
**"them directions; the way" = "them directions, the way"
Ok, while nice, I find that lady kind of spooky. Should I, or am I jumping at shadows?
Moving on...
Flamehail
I'm green with envy at the shortness of this. -_-
Typos:
**"rarely shifting the White" = "rarely shifting, the White"
**"them directions; the way" = "them directions, the way"
Ok, while nice, I find that lady kind of spooky. Should I, or am I jumping at shadows?
Moving on...
Flamehail
12/11/2003 c1 Flamehail
Well, I reviewed "Fallen Angel" already, so so much for the A/N.
Typos:
**"they don't what would decide" = "they don't, what would decide"
**"comfortable. The same thing" = "comfortable, the same thing" I would also consider changing "thing" to "one". It flows better with the rest of the sentence, I think.
**"some moving many constantly" = "some moving, many constantly"
A very interesting idea. The transition between musing and story was rather abrupt, but perhaps it works in this structure. I'll move on.
Flamehail
Well, I reviewed "Fallen Angel" already, so so much for the A/N.
Typos:
**"they don't what would decide" = "they don't, what would decide"
**"comfortable. The same thing" = "comfortable, the same thing" I would also consider changing "thing" to "one". It flows better with the rest of the sentence, I think.
**"some moving many constantly" = "some moving, many constantly"
A very interesting idea. The transition between musing and story was rather abrupt, but perhaps it works in this structure. I'll move on.
Flamehail
11/13/2003 c6 Jenn
No, that wasn't wierd. I thought that that was sone pretty cool images to think about. An intresting (did I spell that right? the blonde is really showing today.) idea.
No, that wasn't wierd. I thought that that was sone pretty cool images to think about. An intresting (did I spell that right? the blonde is really showing today.) idea.
11/13/2003 c5 Jenn
Another good one, sorry, don't want to sound too repetitive.
Another good one, sorry, don't want to sound too repetitive.
11/13/2003 c4 Jenn
First off, sorry about the last review, I was kinda confused (first time thats ever happened to me, no seriously!) Anyways...good job with the way her mind works.
First off, sorry about the last review, I was kinda confused (first time thats ever happened to me, no seriously!) Anyways...good job with the way her mind works.
11/13/2003 c3 Jenn
I like how you made a woman the past and a guy the present, seems to make sense because woman remember every thing and men live for the "right now" supposedly. Good juxtaposition too of the bad and good of the present.
I like how you made a woman the past and a guy the present, seems to make sense because woman remember every thing and men live for the "right now" supposedly. Good juxtaposition too of the bad and good of the present.
11/13/2003 c2 Jenn
"the way the mind of a weaver instructs its fingers"
"the way the mind of a weaver instructs its fingers"
11/13/2003 c1 Jenn
This chapter was pretty good, you really are good at descriptions, I can really picture the room and the child in my head. The imagery was lovely, and the idea is intreging (yes I know that's misspelled). You obviously think too much...but at least you think about intreasting things. PS:I finally quit being so lazy, so does this mean that you don't appreciate me anymore?
This chapter was pretty good, you really are good at descriptions, I can really picture the room and the child in my head. The imagery was lovely, and the idea is intreging (yes I know that's misspelled). You obviously think too much...but at least you think about intreasting things. PS:I finally quit being so lazy, so does this mean that you don't appreciate me anymore?