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for I should survive

4/1/2003 c1 53Artemis Astralstar
ouch...

i can relate...
10/22/2002 c1 6a priori
Hey Kid.

You're getting better! =)

(just a minor thing...watch out for ur grammar)

some of my personal favourites:

-"bells chime": not tolling but chiming; if it were a mistake, it was a good one, for chiming conveys no sympathy for the speaker's despair.

-"visible droplets": from a scientific point of view, a saline concentration high enough to make the fluid translucent... must be sad...

-"sombre cadence": true... somethings DO end abruptly in a final and irrevokable manner, but... have you heard of tierce de picardi? something to look forward to.

Overall, VERY GOOD WORK, J...er...GON! I love the beginning: is it not thought-provoking that greatness can be lost so easily, and that it's as elusive as a waking dream? Also, your visual (as well as other) contrasts are of the highest calibre! Nice work!
9/21/2002 c1 Adonis
dude, if i am a musician or smth i will make a song outta this

this is as good as it can get...all u need is prolly arrange the rhymes in some kind offa pattern or smth...and it's song-make-able
9/16/2002 c1 silver-dragon2
*sniff* Oh my...Again, good stuff. You're going to my faves list :)
7/16/2002 c1 Guess
This poem is one of your best so far, GON. Especially if it's designed to break someone's heart. You'll need it someday, I'm sure.

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