for One of the Guys1/24/2013 c15 priya
This was the sweetest chapter. very nice :)
This was the sweetest chapter. very nice :)
8/18/2012 c16 AnonymousReads
I really enjoyed reading it, the character were cool and the plot was perfect. The only thing you could have done was talk about a situation from someone else point of view. Great story. :)
I really enjoyed reading it, the character were cool and the plot was perfect. The only thing you could have done was talk about a situation from someone else point of view. Great story. :)
5/10/2011 c1 i-wish-i-had-wings
ouch how could he say that? it sounded like she was ugly or something, i would have been FURIOUS xD btw, gotta tell you: it's "the" not "teh", please change it, it's takes a lot from the story!
ouch how could he say that? it sounded like she was ugly or something, i would have been FURIOUS xD btw, gotta tell you: it's "the" not "teh", please change it, it's takes a lot from the story!
6/28/2010 c16 gravityangel
Loved the story! I vote that you write Dallas and Olivia's children's stories. That would be interesting.
Loved the story! I vote that you write Dallas and Olivia's children's stories. That would be interesting.
8/5/2008 c16 
8WithoutException
Hey,
I really liked your story. I especially like Darien - not as a boyfriend for Olivia, but just as a character. And this is kind of random, but since you changed Olivia's last name to Walker, when you put it with Dallas (the city in Texas), it reminds me of Walker, Texas Ranger.
Sorry about that. Sometimes I ramble.
Anyway, I thought this had an interesting plot. I liked the idea of Cali not being a total jerk/airhead, but sometimes she seemed that way to me (like the going shopping thing). And Dallas kind of seemed like a girl occasionally - especially in the last few chapters where he sees Olivia with Darien and starts crying. But hey, this is perfectly understandable. It is hard to write from a guy's perspective if you are a girl (which I'm assuming you are, if you aren't than this would be rather embarrassing.)
Also, sometimes the plot seemed a little shallow - like you could have expanded upon things better. The dance, for instance, was barely described at all, except for the brief scene with Dallas and Olivia.
Also, I think you could have done without the epilogue. You could maybe making the whole college/proposal thing into a sequel, but it doesn't really fit here. It kind of makes the story seem cheesier than it is.
Overall, I thought this was a great story. You have some great ideas and you also use pretty good grammar (which may not seem like a huge thing, but is actually rather rare around this site).
Good luck in your future writing endeavors!
Signed,
WithoutException
8WithoutExceptionHey,
I really liked your story. I especially like Darien - not as a boyfriend for Olivia, but just as a character. And this is kind of random, but since you changed Olivia's last name to Walker, when you put it with Dallas (the city in Texas), it reminds me of Walker, Texas Ranger.
Sorry about that. Sometimes I ramble.
Anyway, I thought this had an interesting plot. I liked the idea of Cali not being a total jerk/airhead, but sometimes she seemed that way to me (like the going shopping thing). And Dallas kind of seemed like a girl occasionally - especially in the last few chapters where he sees Olivia with Darien and starts crying. But hey, this is perfectly understandable. It is hard to write from a guy's perspective if you are a girl (which I'm assuming you are, if you aren't than this would be rather embarrassing.)
Also, sometimes the plot seemed a little shallow - like you could have expanded upon things better. The dance, for instance, was barely described at all, except for the brief scene with Dallas and Olivia.
Also, I think you could have done without the epilogue. You could maybe making the whole college/proposal thing into a sequel, but it doesn't really fit here. It kind of makes the story seem cheesier than it is.
Overall, I thought this was a great story. You have some great ideas and you also use pretty good grammar (which may not seem like a huge thing, but is actually rather rare around this site).
Good luck in your future writing endeavors!
Signed,
WithoutException
2/19/2008 c16 3AJS
Cute story. I like how you didn't completely make Calida out to be a total bitch, but even then Dallas wasn't really satisfied with her, just because she wasn't Olivia. I wonder how Darrien was feeling. He probably didn't come visit to expect that the girl would be in love with her best friend. But I'm glad that things ended up this way because really, the story was for Olivia & Dallas, not Olivia & anyone else :)
- Alyssa
3AJSCute story. I like how you didn't completely make Calida out to be a total bitch, but even then Dallas wasn't really satisfied with her, just because she wasn't Olivia. I wonder how Darrien was feeling. He probably didn't come visit to expect that the girl would be in love with her best friend. But I'm glad that things ended up this way because really, the story was for Olivia & Dallas, not Olivia & anyone else :)
- Alyssa
12/14/2007 c1 kristy
what a horrible last name for olivia! wanton does mean sexually immodest if you didn't know! poor girl..she would probably be called a slut all her life
what a horrible last name for olivia! wanton does mean sexually immodest if you didn't know! poor girl..she would probably be called a slut all her life
10/5/2006 c16 3KeyshaYess
AW i lovee thesee happy endings ! They always ALWAYS should end up together and marry each other.. i recommend you read the story snapple coffee.. ii mean you story reminded me of it.. like not that you did plagea or something no.. just that god... you should just read it =)
-x0x-
keysha.
3KeyshaYessAW i lovee thesee happy endings ! They always ALWAYS should end up together and marry each other.. i recommend you read the story snapple coffee.. ii mean you story reminded me of it.. like not that you did plagea or something no.. just that god... you should just read it =)
-x0x-
keysha.
3/20/2006 c16 sid
this felt a little rushed, but overall it was great!
this felt a little rushed, but overall it was great!
7/19/2005 c15 3goldring
yeah. already reviewed, but in order to trick the fp database into letting me have more stories on my favs list, I have to review and add this to my favs that way, not from the lil review box in the corner. Does that make any sense? Probably not. Oh well. Oh, and how do you pronounce Olivia's friend's name? The one that starts with an A. Maybe include that in an author note somewhere, or not. Whatev.
3goldringyeah. already reviewed, but in order to trick the fp database into letting me have more stories on my favs list, I have to review and add this to my favs that way, not from the lil review box in the corner. Does that make any sense? Probably not. Oh well. Oh, and how do you pronounce Olivia's friend's name? The one that starts with an A. Maybe include that in an author note somewhere, or not. Whatev.