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5/7/2009 c1 Indicates
Knowing that this story might be intended for smaller audiences, I had a bit of fun reading it. The bad part about this story however is that the POV is a bit exact like the author who wrote it (you), so there's a difference between a story written by an adult than a story written by a teenager. I can't agree with the POV of these characters sometimes, but the humor was nice and I didn't take this story too seriously.
8/1/2002 c1 Mercy
This sounds promising, but I couldn't get through the whole thing because my eyes were in pain. You have to divide your story into paragraphs. Don't be afraid to get a little white in there. Once you've done so, I'll certainly come back and finish reading. :)

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