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5/6/2004 c1 14biminator
interesting.. a little stumbling though. nice job.
1/13/2003 c1 IndyAntilles
These people have the same names as in "My Mission to Planet X", but in a different time frame. It makes it confusing, especially when the characters are practically interchangeable from one story to the other.

This story is basically the daily itinerary of a group of friends. However, most people don't want a story of what somebody did throughout their day; people read stories to help escape their normal lives, and they don't want people who just talk about their normal lives. You have an explosion at Zokar, which is a good place to start off a plot, but it happens way too late.

The main character's parent die, but we are not given any sort of emotional reprieve. The character doesn't talk about how that makes him feel. It's like he's a robot.

As a side note, 50 mph winds on Mars are no big deal. The atmospheric pressure is so low that 50 mph on Mars is like a gentle breeze on Earth.

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