for Life in its Finest Hour8/30/2002 c1 Keylimepie85
Yay! me likes! *twitch* GWAHAHAHAHAHAHA lol.
so anyway. a bit random, good, but confusing. Me thinks you should go easy on your poor hair.
Yay! me likes! *twitch* GWAHAHAHAHAHAHA lol.
so anyway. a bit random, good, but confusing. Me thinks you should go easy on your poor hair.
8/29/2002 c1 Topher
Okay, very nice, but a tad too random. The thoughts don't seem to be too connected to each other, or if they are I'm just missing it. Maybe if you organized your lines a little more? I dunno, but it is good.
Okay, very nice, but a tad too random. The thoughts don't seem to be too connected to each other, or if they are I'm just missing it. Maybe if you organized your lines a little more? I dunno, but it is good.
8/27/2002 c1 Liller
this poem is mostly good, but some of the thoughts don't link, you know? lines 5+6 are just stream-of-conciousness type lines, but you pull it back together with line 7. i'd try to make 5+6 make more sense, more kind of seamless transitions. other than that, it creates a surreal logic that doesn't make sense when you think about it too hard. a delicate logic, that's the word. the end sounds really nice out loud. hey, that would be cool to try! a poem thats completely random but sounds good when you say it... hmm! off to write one! you do one too, i'm making you.
this poem is mostly good, but some of the thoughts don't link, you know? lines 5+6 are just stream-of-conciousness type lines, but you pull it back together with line 7. i'd try to make 5+6 make more sense, more kind of seamless transitions. other than that, it creates a surreal logic that doesn't make sense when you think about it too hard. a delicate logic, that's the word. the end sounds really nice out loud. hey, that would be cool to try! a poem thats completely random but sounds good when you say it... hmm! off to write one! you do one too, i'm making you.