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for Ulysia

9/10/2002 c1 3Sarau
Hey! ace! ur back at school! yeeaaahhh! (read brainswitching, would you? chapter 12 goodbyes and stuff? there is a surprise and u'll like it!)

doublebun ladyune
9/5/2002 c1 167E. Hisifithith
I haven't read this yet cuz I don't feel like it but I will! Don't worry! But yay! You got a story up! Finally! l8a

8/27/2002 c1 1A Writer for God
Your story's interesting so far and the spacing's great. There are a couple problem spots, however. Firstly, the speaking would run more smoothly if you eliminated the "person: blah,blah,blah" and changed it to "blah,blah,blah," said person.

One thing that will help with writing in the "said person" form is making a list of words that can be used instead of "said" (like "replied," "questioned," "shouted,", etc)... that'll keep the paragraphs from getting repetitive.

Bad example:

"Hi," said John.

"Hello," said Sandy.

"How are you doing?" said John.

"I'm doing great. What about you?" said Sandy

Alternate (better) example:

"Hi," said John.

"Hello," Sandy replied cheerfully.

"How are you doing?" John asked.

Sandy smiled. "I'm doing great. What about you?"

There are also a couple of run-on problems, but other than that, it seems to be going well. Keep writing!


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