for Ulysia9/10/2002 c1 
3Sarau
Hey! ace! ur back at school! yeeaaahhh! (read brainswitching, would you? chapter 12 goodbyes and stuff? there is a surprise and u'll like it!)
doublebun ladyune
3SarauHey! ace! ur back at school! yeeaaahhh! (read brainswitching, would you? chapter 12 goodbyes and stuff? there is a surprise and u'll like it!)
doublebun ladyune
9/5/2002 c1 167E. Hisifithith
I haven't read this yet cuz I don't feel like it but I will! Don't worry! But yay! You got a story up! Finally! l8a
-Savannah
167E. HisifithithI haven't read this yet cuz I don't feel like it but I will! Don't worry! But yay! You got a story up! Finally! l8a
-Savannah
8/27/2002 c1 1A Writer for God
Your story's interesting so far and the spacing's great. There are a couple problem spots, however. Firstly, the speaking would run more smoothly if you eliminated the "person: blah,blah,blah" and changed it to "blah,blah,blah," said person.
One thing that will help with writing in the "said person" form is making a list of words that can be used instead of "said" (like "replied," "questioned," "shouted,", etc)... that'll keep the paragraphs from getting repetitive.
Bad example:
"Hi," said John.
"Hello," said Sandy.
"How are you doing?" said John.
"I'm doing great. What about you?" said Sandy
Alternate (better) example:
"Hi," said John.
"Hello," Sandy replied cheerfully.
"How are you doing?" John asked.
Sandy smiled. "I'm doing great. What about you?"
There are also a couple of run-on problems, but other than that, it seems to be going well. Keep writing!
-KJ
1A Writer for GodYour story's interesting so far and the spacing's great. There are a couple problem spots, however. Firstly, the speaking would run more smoothly if you eliminated the "person: blah,blah,blah" and changed it to "blah,blah,blah," said person.
One thing that will help with writing in the "said person" form is making a list of words that can be used instead of "said" (like "replied," "questioned," "shouted,", etc)... that'll keep the paragraphs from getting repetitive.
Bad example:
"Hi," said John.
"Hello," said Sandy.
"How are you doing?" said John.
"I'm doing great. What about you?" said Sandy
Alternate (better) example:
"Hi," said John.
"Hello," Sandy replied cheerfully.
"How are you doing?" John asked.
Sandy smiled. "I'm doing great. What about you?"
There are also a couple of run-on problems, but other than that, it seems to be going well. Keep writing!
-KJ