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for Jumper

7/25/2004 c1 31Quip Clip
I agree with bloodsorrow, you definitely need to use your spellcheck button! But other than that, the idea was stupendous. I don't think he needs dementia to drop a bomb. Lots of suicide bombers are/were (somewhat) sane, just horribly misguided, and this guy doesn't even commit suicide to bomb the people.
I really like the way you have him describe how he sees the people scurrying around like "human beans"... because often that's just how I think of us, too. Hey, I admit I'm sadistic. Good job!
3/31/2004 c1 86shiniwa
I love the sarcasm. The syntax of the poem pull it off well. Even the 'ain't' and 'ya' added to it. And, for that crass grammar, I would flame you. But, it added to the sarcasm.
I will flame you for the spelling. You [cencored x100]! Use spellcheck!
Ok, anyway.
He wasn't demented enough. Without some serious dementia, the "Life sucks, so I'll liberate them," is too common. Make it more sadoerotic, perhaps. Sadism and masochism, in its true, perverted sense, is still common.
The critiques of modern post-industrial life are also good, if not common. Check out "For the Workforce, Drowning" by Thursday, or some of my older poems.
I loved the very ending, too. "Ooh ...I'm feeling happy now./ I've done a good deed, Yessir./ See, my hands are out -/ You can arrest me now." Great, and it helped add some depth to the protagonist.
11/10/2003 c1 8Coquina D
:o Dude. That was so cool~!


I love it! e.e I mean... I like the way you wrote it, like the form it was in. XD Tis a very good job you dun there, yup. *nod*
11/16/2002 c1 22Gevo
Wow! Luv this! I'm adding this to my favorite stories.
10/2/2002 c1 53Impressionist
I like...mmyep. lots. which is a good thing. Because then I don't have to flame you!

*whimpers* don't hurt me! just because I'm in a weird mood...

you manage the sarsasm VERY well, and I'm greatly impressed with it. However, my dear, you do not give people enough credit sometimes. the end is not all that twisted...so I didn't have a lot of trouble understanding it. nevertheless...t'was great. keep up the good work.
9/22/2002 c1 1Ingenue Kitsune
Wicked Kewl.
9/5/2002 c1 may er
hahaha... cool poem... very sadist though... juz like u i guess... :P well well... nth more to say...bye byez... :)
9/5/2002 c1 6s0undasleep
alrite... i got it after the second read (i'm not exactly the bez in lit...)

it's quite disturbing... :¨­ and it sticks in my mind... scary... (hey that's a compliment!)
9/4/2002 c1 7Julie-Styles
ok no offence but, where the **** did that come from? that is just well crazy. sorry but it is, i have to put stars so i dont get in trouble for cusing on this site again. email me if you please so you can clarify this for me.

9/4/2002 c1 64not sure yet
o dear...hahaha, i love it! nicely written and very twisted, and i am a moron, great poem!

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