for The Edge10/9/2002 c1 
4Melody1
OOOOOOOH I like it. Hey there. It is really good. See I said I would find time and I did... it only too me like forever though. Sorry about that though. I am super glad that I got to read this though. You're a great writer, but you probabaly knew that. Um... I like the voices, and the distorted view of the stars. It's novel and thus refreshing. Every once in a while I do get tired of reading the mindless dribble that I write. It just isn't as often as it should be. Lol. Write some more stuff for me to read soon please.
~Mel~
4Melody1OOOOOOOH I like it. Hey there. It is really good. See I said I would find time and I did... it only too me like forever though. Sorry about that though. I am super glad that I got to read this though. You're a great writer, but you probabaly knew that. Um... I like the voices, and the distorted view of the stars. It's novel and thus refreshing. Every once in a while I do get tired of reading the mindless dribble that I write. It just isn't as often as it should be. Lol. Write some more stuff for me to read soon please.
~Mel~
9/21/2002 c1 19phorc
The Intro: I didn't think it would be this heavy, personally. And in this case, heavy is an apt choice of word.
The Reflection: I think you captured the psychological aspects of the turmoil quite profoundly. The confusion, the single-mindedness, the near insanity of the main character are all clogging up the reader's perception as much as Meynar's in the story. This in itself is hard to take in all at once, creating the first dynamic of the "heaviness."
The second part is the sheer density of the story. I feel like I've read a ten thousand word piece, and yet looking back I see it's only around fifteen hundred. You skipped a huge amount of detail, and since this is in first person, I thought it added to the fog of the character's mind immensely.
The Nitpicks: Switching between tenses was a little disorienting, but I can see why you'd decide to do it. And writing "FLASHBACK" almost entirely blew the mood.
The Overall Assessment: Incredible. One of the most angst-fraught stories I've ever read, and it was only one chapter. =)
-phorc
19phorcThe Intro: I didn't think it would be this heavy, personally. And in this case, heavy is an apt choice of word.
The Reflection: I think you captured the psychological aspects of the turmoil quite profoundly. The confusion, the single-mindedness, the near insanity of the main character are all clogging up the reader's perception as much as Meynar's in the story. This in itself is hard to take in all at once, creating the first dynamic of the "heaviness."
The second part is the sheer density of the story. I feel like I've read a ten thousand word piece, and yet looking back I see it's only around fifteen hundred. You skipped a huge amount of detail, and since this is in first person, I thought it added to the fog of the character's mind immensely.
The Nitpicks: Switching between tenses was a little disorienting, but I can see why you'd decide to do it. And writing "FLASHBACK" almost entirely blew the mood.
The Overall Assessment: Incredible. One of the most angst-fraught stories I've ever read, and it was only one chapter. =)
-phorc
9/21/2002 c1 NemVidi too lazy to sign in
Gack! Sweet as hell and very, very sharp. Wonderful little ficlet, especially love the descriptions of Elene.
Gack! Sweet as hell and very, very sharp. Wonderful little ficlet, especially love the descriptions of Elene.