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10/6/2013 c2 Guest
It's really strange, but the one thing that really bothered me here is that the dagger he used to cut her was dirty from being embedded in dirt. That would infect her wounds and possibly kill her (in my defence my aunt recently got blood poisoning from an innocuous cut from a penknife and almost died).
8/27/2010 c6 2Dalek17
This is such an awesome story it's not even funny. But I do think the ending was a bit rushed... Great, though!
5/21/2008 c6 4LittleEmoKid
OKay love, this was really good, but do you know it's not proper writing to smoosh the dialgue together like that? One it's incredabily frustrating to try and figure out who's saying what, but it's hard on the eyes. So in the future please refraim from writing this way. As far as the story goes, it was really good, but a bit rushed. I think you could have put a bit more detail into it. But ack, the story was really good. Keep practicing.
11/20/2007 c6 Sweet123
very good
11/20/2007 c5 Sweet123
she finally gave in!
11/20/2007 c4 Sweet123
Great chapter
11/20/2007 c3 Sweet123
Very few stories are good with these types of stories. Good work
11/20/2007 c2 Sweet123
Wow this is good
11/20/2007 c1 Sweet123
hooked
10/22/2007 c4 AshleyHel
You're story sux. The dialogue is lame. No offense, mate, but it's a typical teenage love fantasy, not readable. I had to stop after the third chapter, it was so rediculous.
1/17/2007 c6 1irishangel110290
now i like the end to this story so i can't wait to read the sequel
1/17/2007 c4 irishangel110290
i like this story but why does it always have to be a guy that is the vampire girls don't always have to be the humans.
5/21/2006 c6 19sarabeth120
Well, this story is intereresting and has potential... but there are alot of mistakes. There's no description of setting, which is a very important aspect to the story. You moved way to fast and to me the plot is a little unrealistic, so it seems that it is rushed. You kept switching from past and present tense and there was some verb-subject agreement issues. The words you used were repetitive and boring, use different adective and othe parts of speech to make the story more interesting... If you rewrite this and heed this review, you can make it much much much better.
6/18/2004 c6 9Baby Moony
that was cool! u kno what u should do?...MAKE A...SEQUEL!: PLEASE! lol that would be cool
1/26/2004 c6 149Pose For Me
O... groovy ending!
Regina O.B.
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