Detective Log #83…


"O'Neal, where's that report? I can't find it anywhere." The chief of police paced around the cramped office of Detective O'Neal. "Well? Where is it, O'Neal, read it to me, just do something with the blasted thing!"

"Oh, right, Chief, sorry 'bout that I was just kinda catchin' up on my Z's," mumbling to himself, detective O'Neal rifled through the wad of papers on his desk, "let's see…. Here's that school photo of Bertha and then those files on that one case from three months ago…. I still can't believe they let that guy go, Chief…." O'Neal looked up from his jumbled mess of papers at the man standing before him, cross expression, hands on his hips, tapping foot, and all.

"O'Neal, will you read the report or will I take this case to another agent?" the chief of police reached for the doorknob behind him. Then, Detective O'Neal sprang up, pulling the report off his desk from where it was all of the other papers on top of it falling to the floor.

"Got it right here, Chief. Should I read it now?" Detective O'Neal held the file folder out like an open book, just waiting to start something. That something being a something the chief knew from his long history with Detective O'Neal that it would be something long winded and less to the point than a college thesis.

"O'Neal, what have I been asking you to do all of this time?" the chief of police decided to go about telling the bumbling detective what to do very subtly.

"Read the… OK right to it, chief," Detective O'Neal flipped through some pages in the folder, random pieces of paper falling out, "Ok, well… am I supposed to be reading the report on that gang code named 'Cell' right?"

"O'Neal, I wouldn't know what the code name is, that's why I'm having you read the report," the chief of police sat down in a chair across from Detective O'Neal's desk. Hoping to get out of the office at lest by 10 AM the next day.

"Oh… Lets see, it says here that the code name for the gang will be cell. That is because after long examination of how they operate I've found that they operate just like these neat things in a report of my daughter's about cells. First of all they have a person that checks all of the packages and people entering or leaving the H.Q. just like a cell membrane lets in and out of the cell what it thinks are safe to do so. Therefore, the code name for that branch of the gang will be 'cell membrane.' Next I looked at their gathering place and decided to give it the code name 'cytoplasm'. That's because like the cytoplasm of a cell, which is what all of the organelles float around in, the hide out for the gang is kind of a place where the different members float around doing their jobs. Next, I found out there was a person who works to expand the reach of 'cell'. I kinda thought that that was like a Centriole which woks to help the cell grow then eventually divide. Then I found this group of guys that stole and gathered info for cell, so I gave 'em the code name 'ribosome' 'cuz they produce info like a ribosome produces proteins. Then there's the group I like to call the endoplasmic reticulum. That's 'cuz they take the information from the ribosomes and then check it over to make sure it's not fake, kind of like an endoplasmic reticulum takes the proteins that the ribosomes produce and synthesize them for the cell. Now there's still a few more left here, Chief, but don't worry I'm almost done. Now there's a place that they use to store people that are runnin' from the law I call it the golgi, because like what it does a golgi stores the new excess protein for later. Almost finally is the nucleus it's the brains of the operation it contains the DNA, and the nucleus in 'Cell' is the main ring leaders that plan all of the thefts and know where everything is stored. Unfortunately, there where still three parts of a cell that we couldn't find anything to use as a code name for, the vacuole, that carries around food particles and excess water. Also there was the mitochondrion that burns the energy for the cell to use, and lysosome, which digests the food for the cell…. Oh well uh… one… three…. Oh well! What do you think, Chief, was it good this time?"

"O'Neal, I asked to know what the gang was doing, not the odd analogies that you could use for code names," the chief of police felt a headache coming on.

"Oh, well I have that one too," Detective O'Neal put the file folder back on his desk a very large stack of papers remaining in his hands, "Do ya want the short version or the full one?"

"…The short one, O'Neal, of course the short one," the chief wished he had brought some headache pills with him, knowing that hearing Detective O'Neal babble would not help a headache.

"Oh, yes sir," Detective O'Neal put about two pages out of the twenty some he held, down on the table.

"Permission to barge in, Chief," Detective O'Neal burst through the chief of police's door a stupid grin spreading wide on his thin face.

"As I see you're already in I might as well. But, seriously what do you want to disturb me so badly for?" the chief of police turned around in his swivel chair. Hoping O'Neal had a good reason for forcing him to hear that voice only a half an hour after he finally finished listening to it for two hours on end.

"Well the nucleus is captured and the golgi is confiscated," Detective O'Neal's smile beamed brightly.

"What did you just say… only without the code names?" the chief of police gave Detective O'Neal a very inquisitive look.

"Oh, we caught the leaders of that gang I was telling you about and we confiscated their stolen goods warehouse," with that said Detective O'Neal walked out the door. Managing to get the heal of his shoe stuck in the bottom of the door, all the chief heard next was a loud bang of something heavy connecting at a high velocity with the floor.

The end


To be continued