3I love you. Your face, your hands, your hair, everything about you drives me completely crazy. I can't begin to explain this feeling, this new AWESOME feeling I am having in my gut, but I know that it is because of you, and that it is a good thing. I haven't seen you that much, but I know that soon we will be together, as we should have been from the get go. There is that party tonight. I know you are going, and I also know that I am going because of you. Of course you don't know that. I can't tell you how I feel sometimes, but I am working on it. You'll see. I'll show you. Now I have to go, but I will tell you how I feel tonight. I promise.
You are standing across the room from me, and I watch you through the throng of people. I watch you laugh, I watch you don your "listening" face, I see you joke, I see you eat. In all this I think you really know that I was, but you wanted to make me feel a little bit better and just give me time. I join you at the table outside, and we talk with all our friends. They are piled on us, on the arms of the chairs, standing behind us and in between, but they don't understand the looks I keep slipping you. Then you turn your head in my direction and give me one back. Oh God, I could have died right there. Melted, I slumped down in my chair, not making eye contact with anyone. They wouldn't understand. "Let's all go to the creek!" someone cried, and we were separated for moments while the sea of people carried us through the woods down the hill to the creek. There was a lone swing that I see many people run to, but I stay back, watching as you dive into it and then step aside for one of your close friends to get on instead, then you begin to push her, making sure she isn't going too high or that you aren't touching anywhere you shouldn't be. Chuckling a little bit I stride down to the water's edge, taking off my shoes and putting my feet into the water. Relaxing on a rock, I watch the people around me laugh, and I laugh along with them, but all the while my gaze kept wandering back to you. I figured that you weren't going to do anything to come on to me, so I stood up mildly frustrated and walked along the water's edge, going on by myself until I was sitting on a rock a ways up the creek, just past the first bend. Your hands wrapped around my back and locked on my stomach. I could feel your soft hands through my thin shirt and I wanted to turn around until I saw your eyes, but you wouldn't let me. .Evil. You were always like that, in control. Smiling, I sat there, waiting for you to start talking. For a second I thought you weren't going to. I though you were just going to let us sit like that forever.
Tonight, I swear I am going to say all that I can and not hold back. I swear that I will tell you myself, and what I want. You will know all my hopes and dreams. If you ask me what I want in life, I won't be able to lie.I could never lie to you. I would have to . You are the closest to perfect anyone will ever be.
When you start to talk, the world stops. I sit there and listen, listen to every word you say. I sit there and think, "Oh my God, is this really happening?" while you talk about ordinary things. It was when you spoke of me I went limp in your arms and sagged against your body. Never has anybody said those things about me to my face -or, well, my back- and I couldn't support my body any longer. You were there, though, and you held me. "Hey guys!" a bright and chipper voice calls out. Turning slightly, I sit up some as one of our friends comes up to us. She leans in close to you and whispers something in your ear, something I wished I could have heard, but no, I wasn't allowed. Oh well, if you thought I should know then you'd tell me. There was nothing to worry about. So I relax again, not caring what she thought of us, just to show you. You take me in, almost cradling me in your strong, firm grip. I smile, and look at her as she gets up to go. You smile after her, then turn it on me. God, you are beautiful. Nothing matters to me when you are here. When we are together, everything is going to be okay and everything will turn out right. As it should. I feel your lips against my neck, softly kissing me and over again. The gentle caress across my neck leaves me breathless, and without words to express how you make me feel. My mind blank, I sit there, unmoving, and suddenly you stop. My mind racing, thinking that you are going to turn me around finally and kiss me on the real. I imagine how they would feel pressed against mine, you stroking the back of my head and my arms wrapped around you. No, you start to stand up, and I am thrown into confusion. Why hadn't you kissed me? Let me kiss you? Helping me up, I stumble as my foot gets caught in a twig. You are there instantly, keeping me up. I look into your eyes, and in there I find love that I could never have imagined. It soaked into me. and I nearly lost my footing completely. Laughing to yourself, you joke about how you should get me back to flat land before I kill myself. Hey, I wouldn't do something like that. no. When we got back to the party you took off, leaving me alone. Friends came up to me right away, asking where I had been, asking what I had been doing, but I just smiled and turned away, once again searching for you. I wanted you so badly, but you are no where to be found. Of course. I wander around, saying a few words at this conversation and a few more at that one. Nothing interested me, nothing filled the hole left in me by you. Where had you gone? Finally I make my way back down to the creek. The sun is setting, and the people are getting ready to watch a huge slideshow and I didn't really care for it, so I though what the hell? I'll just go down to the creek, see if anybody is there.
Your eyes are what gets me. Well, those and your touch. Your eyes are so beautiful, so universes lie in wait there, and I can't wait to explore each of them. They are playful, prying, mischievous, and always there when I need them. I could sit there for hours looking into their depths. Are mine like that? Or is that only yours? So much has happened, so much is yet to happen, and I can hardly wait. I want so many things to happen, and yet at the same time I am scared. But if you are there then I know I will be okay. I will always be if you are there for me, to hold me and support me in every sense of the word.
That is where I find you. Sitting alone, looking at the water, this glassy look to your eyes. I couldn't quite place it. Trying to be stealthy and sneak up on you, I had to be me and trip over a rock, crashing loudly to my knees behind you. I knew you were smiling when you said, "Took ya long enough." The sun had completely set, leaving us to see only by the light of the cloud covered moon. I take a seat in front of you, letting you stroke my back, working your expert fingers all over the surface, whispering soothing words to me. We were totally alone, sitting there together. Darkness surrounded us, bound us together, and it was there that you turned me around and gazed long and hard into my eyes. "What do you want?" you ask me, drawing me close to you. I wasn't about to come out and say, "I want you." So I tilt my head up and to the side and reply slyly, "Something." You smile, knowing well what I want, but then I surprise him by turning his question around on him. You gather your bearings and shoot back, "I just want to kiss you." Hell of a good answer. Leaning in close, you wrap your arms around me and I don't know what to do with my own so I let them sit on the rock floor in between us. The kiss is long, warm, and gentle, just as I had imagined. It feels so good, when you pull away at last I want to follow you, to press my lips against yours again, but for now one kiss would have to do. For now. We never saw the person behind you, never saw him walk up behind us, dressed in black. We never saw the knife as it sliced into you, as it made its way along your back in a curved path. I saw a look of shock etch its way across your face, saw the pain. I wanted to reach out, to touch you and absorb your pain so that you couldn't feel it, but I couldn't. Because as you fell forward I saw the knife appear out of nowhere, aiming for me. Closing my eyes, I wished it would end. And then it did.