As I thought back to those days, when Jesse and I had been young, and wild, and free, when it had been just the two of us, tears came to my eyes. I longed with every fibre of my being for things to return to our younger years. We had been inseparable. All we had needed was each other. We knew how the other felt, and what the other was thinking constantly.
I sat in 'our spot', the headland at the local beach, and stared into the eternal depths of the restless, grey ocean. It tormented me, because it reflected my mood. Endless, grey depths. And all because Jesse and I were no longer young, and wild and free. Well, we were still young, 17. And quite wild, as all teenagers have an urge to be at some time or another. Yet we were not free, because we made ourselves prisoners to our feelings. He was a prisoner to the fact that he'd been in love with me since we were thirteen, maybe even longer, since our friendship began at age eight. He'd only confessed it to me a year ago, at the beginning of our second last year of school. I'd been unable to return his feelings, so we remained best friends, but I knew he was tormented. That was when I began to be a prisoner to MY emotions, firstly out of concern for Jesse, but then..I began to evaluate our friendship. How he was always there for me, he always listened, always made me laugh, always cared. I struggled with my feelings, until finally I'd gone to admit my growing feelings towards him..
I squeezed my eyes shut, as I could feel the tears beginning to sting my eyes. I'd opened the door to his bedroom, to find him kissing Amy, my 15 year old cousin. I felt a bitter taste in my mouth and the memory of the betrayal. The only two people that had never let me down in my whole life, together, behind my back. Amy had supported me through broken relationships, broken friendships, when my parents divorced due to my father's alcohol problems. And was everything to me. I thought he always would be. But they started a relationship, which I knew had continued through the entire summer holidays. Amy, who was the only one I confided in about my conflicting feelings for Jesse, and Jesse, who promised to put me before anyone, and to never be with another girl until I was ready.
He'd come to talk to me the next day, and I exploded. I screamed at him a lifetime's feeling of anger and betrayal. It wasn't fair, but my life began and ended with him. It began when he came into my life and helped me deal with the fact my father beat me, and it ended when I saw him with Amy. All my hopes and dreams, inspired by Jesse, ended with his betrayal.
Maybe I was being selfish, I had no prior claim over Jesse having rejected his feelings once, but..what we had was so special. I though he cherished me as much as I did him.
The next day, the summer holidays would end, and I'd be starting school, starting yr 12, which Jesse and I had always vowed we'd help each other through. But I hadn't seen him since last December, when after I'd yelled at him, he merely snapped "fine", walking out of my life, and into Amy's.
The next day I would have to face him. My stomach lurched at the thought of it, and I felt the tears flow..