I watch you waste away
Like the dying glow of embers
That once were the heart of a steady blaze
I watch you fade into a shadow
Of your former self
Bones are brittle
Joints are stiff
No one can save you from this end
No treatment can make you what you were.
I have lost the ability to love you.
I no longer possess the patience it takes to speak to you.
Your weakness is revolting
Walking is painful
Your body hurts
To kill you would be merciful
But I cannot slay the one who bore me –
I resent the way you have made me
As cold as living stone
Aloof and out of reach
The opposite of who I am
The real me surfaces at school
Where you cannot reach me….
You have lost command over your own life
In every single way
And so you strive to control mine
Where I go
The way I dress
The friends I have
The guys I date
I drown under your rules
I suffocate in your shadow,
Over large and demanding
It forbids me to live.
Like a vulture
Circling
Waiting for me to mess up
So that it can swoop down with out-stretched talons
To shred the tapestry of my soul
I hate you
With every fiber of my being
I hate you
With every emotion that I have locked away
With every smile that blooms
And dies
When someone mentions you
I hate you, and all that you have done to me
I hate your parents
Telling me to grow up
Be strong
Take on others' burdens
To forget my own happiness.
In whispered words
And subtle urgings they rule my life
As they rule yours.
I cannot bear it.
I don't care what happens to you
I just want you to go away.
I hate you
And everything you've done
Everything that you are.
You -disgust- me.
I hate you.
People tell me that at some level,
I care, but the bond is not one of the heart.
In my mind
It is blood that holds sway,
It is blood that keeps you alive
For one more blasted day…