Rubbing Skin Raw

Hello.

This is a fic I've been working on for a while. It's a bit long so I chapterised it (gasps). The lyrics below are sort of maybe related to the content of the fic, but I wouldn't try to match them too much, they're mostly just my inspiration.

They each belong to their respective owners, and I own nothing except this fic and the characters within.

'I've got a crush on a pretty pistol, should I tell her that I feel this way? I've got love songs in my head, that are killing us away.'

The Love Song- Marilyn Manson

'Beautiful, one state of bliss, my afflictions killing this, bury this one for a kiss.'

The Friend Song- The Union Underground

Kiss me, hit me, do what you want to me, kiss me, lick me, do what you want to me now, I'll be leaving soon.

Look in the mirror and you see you are perfect, pity 'bout the scar that is hidden below deck.

Drastic Sturgeon- Mansun

'Today I am dirty, and I want to be pretty, tomorrow I know that I'm just dirt. We are the nobodies, we wanna be somebodies, when we're dead, they'll know just who we are. Yesterday I was dirty, wanted to be pretty, I know that I'm forever dirt.'

The Nobodies- Marilyn Manson

Chapter One

Sometimes I feel that I'm living my life as a dream, and one day I'll wake up and realise that I'm late for school. Or I think that I've been in a terrible accident that I can't remember and that my body is lying in a hospital bed in a coma and my mind is wandering, interacting with people it's made up until it's come out of the shock enough for my body to wake up.

More often than not I wish this was true.

Because I am in love.

Okay then, maybe not love but very serious attraction. He has short almost shaved black hair and the most regal pair of royal blue eyes that I have ever seen. He's also a whopping 6'0". He's a boy at my school and his name is Ricki Martinez, a member of the swimming team as it happens. The only reason that this is important is because I am taunted almost every day by the sight of his long, lithe body sliding in and out and in and out of the water, otter-like, droplets s-l-i-d-i-n-g down his chest…

No, I don't know why I punish myself by going there every day like clockwork because I know he's going to be there, watching them practice from the window which I can just about reach if I stand on tiptoes.

Yes, I know, I need help.

At first my crush was just that, something about him attracted me and I took to devising plans to get into his way, or bump into him 'accidentally' in the corridors. But, as the years went by and my infatuation with him didn't lessen, I realised that this was more serious than I had at first thought. I wouldn't look at anyone else. While flipping through the TV channels, watching over music videos and movies and clothes commercials, I found myself comparing anyone who caught my eye with this boy… and they always feel short of his perfection.

Pretty soon, thinking about him became a constant. I thought about him during the day, going out with me, eating with me, doing homework with me (not that I do it anyway) He was in my deepest darkest fantasies at night and I even dreamt about him. It was making me depressed. I began to feel miserable when I couldn't be near him and I lost interest in everything else. My grades dropped, I became even more anti-social than normal (no small feat for me) and I couldn't find my appetite.

I realised when I tried to wear a pair of jeans that had been snug on me before that now hung off my suddenly bony frame, that I had to do something about this and fast.

I had to find some way to let him know my feelings after seeing whether or not he felt the same way about me.

But it was a dangerous thing, to court him, because I didn't know how he'd react.

Well, what would you do if some random, virtually non-existent guy who was stalking you came up to you and asked "Hi, are you gay?"

"Hey Ricki, you're girlfriend's back." One of the boys nudged me in the ribs and pointed at the pool window with a smirk.

I looked round just in time to see a face staring back at me intently until it realised that it had been noticed and ducked away.

I sighed and turned to shove Andy, who had made the comment.

That weird boy from the other half of the year had been following me around ever since we had come here.

He was a skinny short kid, only about 5'5" at the most, with shoulder length sooty copper hair (very odd, kinda like copper covered in a layer of carbon. Must be a very dark brown) and these really intense vibrant green eyes. Not like the average brown-green but full on, proper, green.

He was always slinking around, trying not to be noticed, staying out of earshot from the rest of us, but always keeping us in view.

I didn't know what his name was and usually didn't notice him unless he pulled a stunt like today and drew the other guy's attention. It was getting embarrassing. If he was trying to hang with us, he should've come up to us and tried by now, or at least accepted defeat and walked away. He wasn't really part of our group. But he never tried to approach us, always dancing round and disappearing if any of the guys tried to get near him.

However, know he was starting to get on my nerves big time.

"Hey Rick, why don't you just punch the little fag, get him to lay off you?" Someone asked.

"I would," I replied. "If I could get a hold of him."

I didn't want to tell the guys that I didn't want to hit him because I found him… kind of… well… attractive.

I just wanna say at this point, that I am NOT GAY!

I like girls, and I've never been attracted to any of the other boys I've seen… but this one was different. I don't know why.

Maybe because of his hair, or his eyes or his general feminine appearance, in both his looks and the way he acted and carried himself.

In the end, it was the letter that started the whole messy business.

(Makes a pouty face) Oooo, aren't I evil. Just a teeny little bit of chapter for you guys (if there's anyone out there actually reading this that is). If you like this and keep reviewing, then I'll post more. Otherwise I'll tie off what I've written so far very quickly and just stick the whole thing up part- finished. There's no use taking valuable study time over this if no one's reading this after all.

Love you all.