He stares into my eyes, tears threatening to spill down.
Stop it! I silently beg him. Don't make this any harder then it has to be.
"I told you," I say coldly. "I'm not interested anymore. Five months has been more then enough. I'm moving on. You should too,"
"But.." he stutters, his eyes wondering wildly around the car, trying to find something to focus on—something that's stable. Something he can find that isn't going to leave. "But, I love you," He turns to me again, and I can feel the pain jutting through me, twisting knives, just waiting to bleed my heart.
"You've known me for five months," I say, discreetly avoiding his eyes. "You don't love me. You couldn't possibly,"
He stares at me, disbelieving. "How can you say that with a straight face?" he hisses at me, grabbing my arm. I immediately stiffen at his touch, pulling back. His strong hands won't let me go.
"Get off of me!" I shriek, panic in my voice. I'm not afraid of him. I couldn't. I just…I just don't need him to touch me right now. If he touches my arm, it'll eventually move to my face.
I couldn't handle that.
Stop it! My soul begs. You need him! He's your oxygen! He's your life. You would die for him. Tell him that!
"Why," he asks me in that disgustingly pitiful voice he puts on sometimes when he doesn't understand something. He loosens his grip on my arm a little bit, his eyes continually searching my face for a hint of what I'm feeling.
He of all people should know how stoic I am. Does he think his love is enough to change me?
"Will you let go of me?" I snap, pulling my arm back and pulling myself as close to the passenger side window as possible. It was pitch black. No moon, no stars, nothing. The darkness was intoxicating, pulling me into, tear by tear, bad dream by bad dream.
"Why don't you just tell me what's going on!" He yells. Why does he have to yell at me? He has to know how hard this is!
"Nothing is going on," I say coldly, turning to look him in the eye in my usual ice princess manner. "I just grew tired of this relationship. My friends are amazed that I've even tried to have a relationship with a person of your social status, and it's causing my father unnecessary stress,"
He laughs, a little mad, and turns back towards me, clearly hating me and wanting me at the same time. "So you're going to throw away us? Just like that?"
Unable to find my voice, I nod. I can feel the tears coming to my eyes. I turn towards the window again, staring out into the darkness.
"You told me you loved me," He says softly. I can't even think of turning to face him. To even look at him, such a large guy in such a vulnerable state…I would break.
I can't afford to break. Not at this moment. My friends are on the brink of disowning me. My father has threatened to send me to boarding school. I've lost respect over this. I have to end it all. Now.
"You told me you loved me," he said again, gaining voice. "And you meant it. I knew you meant it Anna. I know you,"
He's right, of course. Everything he says is right. I loved him the second I laid eyes on him. He's my world, my everything.
Unfortunately, when your father is the most prestigious man in the town, you can't afford to be seen with the town rapist's son. Is the son of a killer a killer? Of course not. He's innocent. Why doesn't the world just recognize this? Why don't my friends realize how much I love him and lay off. Why do I have to maintain this façade that I'm the epitome of perfection? Is it because I'm rich? Because I'm what society labels as beautiful? If only they knew! They'd think beautiful. Pain is anything but beautiful.
"Did you, Anna?" He says, gently reaching out and pulling my chin back to look him in the eye. "Did you mean it?"
He's going to kiss me! I realize, feeling horrified and at the same time elated. Every molecule of my body heats up.
"No," I whisper, his mouth inches away from mine. He pulls back slightly, looking me in the eye.
"You don't want me?" He asks, his agonizing dark brown eyes pleading with my light ones.
If only he knew.
I open my mouth to speak, but am unable to find the words. He slowly drops his hand from my face, and pulls back. Even in the dark, I can see his eyes filling with tears. "You don't want me," he says, this time positive.
His voice breaks.
I wrap my arms tightly around my body, using all my energy and focus to keep myself from crying. Tell him! My soul begs. Tell him the truth! Tell him you'd go to the ends of the earth for him! Tell him that you'll love him, no matter what everyone thinks of him, no matter who or what may come between you!
An involuntary shrudder sends my body into brief convulsions. I feel a musty jacket being tossed at me. It makes me even colder. He's drowning in sobs, yet still knows I'm cold.
The jacket smells like him. Masculine, tough, and at the same time, sweet.
"Let me ask you one question," he says, not even bothering to try and control the waver in his voice. "Was I a way to rebel against your father, or something? Have you just been using me this entire time? Did you ever even…even….even care for me at all!"
I turn to him, my eyes wide, shocked at the ideas he has mentioned. He sees, and he knows. Everything I feel. Everything I am with him. How I'll be nothing without him.
"Anna," he says softly, staring me up and down with his doleful eyes. How can he do that? He can look through me in an instant. Even when I'm in full blown bitch mood, he still knows. He reaches out to me, first touching my shoulder, then moving it slowly to the back of my neck where he rubs it tenderly.
"Michael," I say, turning to look at him, not even trying to hide the tears in my eyes. "This can't work. I can't do this anymore. I have to choose. My family, or you,"
He gently wipes my tears away. "Do you realize how much we've gone through together," He says, pulling me closer and pressing his forehead against mine so our eyes our inches apart. "You're the love of my life, the only one whose capable of understanding me. You are my world. It only exists when I'm with you," My heart beats faster. "You were my first, my only," He says the last words softly, and I can feel my heart breaking.
"No," I say again, turning towards the window. Rain has started to fall, how ironic. "No, I can't," I quickly grab my purse, and fling open the car door. I pause before getting out, wanting so badly to look in his eyes, but knowing that it will kill me. "Goodbye, Michael,"
I get out and run. Rain falls down all around me, cold and sharp. It doesn't matter. I feel nothing. Nothing exists for me anymore, except pain.
A sob escapes my lips. I want nothing more then to turn back, run to the car, and jump into his arms. But no happiness. I can never be happy. Always perfect. Have to please the parents. I'm going to have to go to school on Monday, and announce to my friends that I've dumped the "loser", and have to be able not to cry. I'm going to see him in the halls, maybe depressed, maybe sending me hateful glances. Maybe even with another girl. That's going to kill me. I know it. I won't be able to take it.
"Anna!" A tortured voice calls after me through the pounding rain's echoes. Sobbing harder, I push forward through the mist, desperately trying to make it to my front door and get inside.
He catches up to me, spins me around, and kisses me passionately. I kiss him back automatically. I need him. I want him. He's my everything. I'll die without him.
"Goodbye," I gasp, and I turn to run towards the door. Once inside, I break down on the floor in sobs.
My world has shattered.