55All charactors contained within are fictious.
This contains male on male sex scenes, so if that doesn't float your boat (or you find it offensive) I would advise you to stop reading now.
There is some adult language used in places.
This story is rated R, so you should all be 17 or over before reading this.
If you are under 17, don't blame me if you get caught.
*\Thanks to all those who have, are in the process of, or will review this story./*
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The window was open, and heat rolled into the room like waves crashing onto a beach.
It was high summer and the sun had only just dipped below the horizon.
It was going to be a feverish night.
I was sat at an antique wring table with a pad of paper and a pen before me.
Flickering candles sent dancing shadows across the room.
The candles were probably a bit too much, I thought, but I needed atmosphere.
Nodding silently to myself, seeing that the scene was set, I put pen to paper and began to write.
It was a hot spring day, and the sky was a uniform sapphire. A few small speckled clouds dotted the sky.
The sun was blazing like a million light bulbs all at once, engulfing the sky.
I was walking down by the stream, the same path I had followed many times before.
Through woods and out into open meadows, a shallow breeze caused the leaves to whisper, like two eternal old ladies trading secrets.
Crickets sang a chorus of tranquillity, and fish in the stream jumped for freedom.
I had sought an escape from the constant pressures of life. I wanted to free myself from the constant cycle of work, work and more work.
I needed a breathing space, a way to say 'Stop! I need a break.'
I wasn't normally that kind of person.
But today I had made an exception.
Twigs snapped quietly as I walked on top of them, and birds twittered quietly to themselves.
It was amongst this natural beauty that I saw him.
He was standing by the stream staring into the transparent water.
I stopped, admiring and contrasting his beauty with that of the countryside around him.
His hair, neither long nor short, was a very light blonde.
He slouched, as if carrying a heavy burden upon his shoulders. Clothed in a plain dark T-shirt and dark blue jeans, he was looking out across the rippling crystal clear water.
He noticed me standing thirty feet off, and turned. The first thing I saw when he looked at me was his eyes.
A cold diamond blue-grey, which could cut steel with their gaze. He quickly looked away, ashamed, perhaps of me catching him in a private moment.
I walked slowly, uncertain, as a lion hunting a deer towards him. He almost seemed to be considering whether or not to retreat.
He stayed, however. I slowed even more when I was within ten feet of his position.
I surveyed the foliage on the trees and the stream as I had uncountable times before.
Yet never before had I really seen them, or looked beyond the simple aesthetics of their pleasant arrangements.
Never before had this world seemed so distant from the one I had withdrawn into for years. I was finally beginning to understand.
Nervously he offered his hand. Taking it, and gripping firmly I said; "Hi, what's your name?" "Adam. And yours?" He replied, smiling weakly.
"John."
"How did you find this place?" I asked, "I haven't ever seen anyone else around here in years."
Adam looked thoughtful for a moment, and then shifted his gaze to a small cloud forming above our heads. It was as if God himself had placed a piece of cotton into the atmosphere.
"I needed time to think, so I went for a walk and ended up here. It's so beautiful."
I smelt his lingering cologne on the breeze, intertwined with the smell of fresh, clear spring water.
"That it is. So tell me, what is so important that it makes you walk two miles out off town thinking about it?" I asked, returning his shy smile.
"You know they say love to be the most brilliant thing in the universe? But is it? I mean," he said, trailing off before the end of his sentence. "It is isn't it?" I asked disbelief etched into my features.
"Think of murders. Most murders are committed by a person the victim knew. And many of those murders are committed in some way because of love."
Putting on my most sarcastic voice, I said, "You know, you are so positive. I'm really beginning to like you." He laughed, but not a joyful laugh. A laugh that had been preceded by too many tears, too many lies and too many broken promises.
Adam turned to me, and said, "I don't know you." Putting my sarcasm aside, and adopting one of my most serious voices, I replied. "Sometimes the best person to talk to is a stranger."
"Huh. I guess your right."
"I always am. And I'm still wondering what is on your mind." I knelt down to examine a particularly exotic flower. "My, you are direct aren't you?" Adam said, raising his eyebrows.
"Why play a game of pretence? Its so much more interesting being honest."
Standing up, I said, "Why don't we walk a little. I know this valley which has the most spectacular waterfall you have seen in your life."
"But how do you know it will the most spectacular I've seen in my life?" said Adam, "You don't know my life."
"Not yet" I replied, "But the day is young."
Adam slowly kissed my neck as the sound of crashing water thundered in fury mere feet away. He was so beautiful, so devilishly handsome that whenever he walked into a room, everyone would stop what they were doing and stare.
We had walked and talked as we made our way to a heavenly waterfall, and as tonnes of water crashed fifty feet into the moss covered valley, he had kissed me.
Not the kind of kiss you would give a friend, or a family member or even a partner, but a kiss you would only give in the heat of passion.
Running on the edge of control.
Slowly, quickly, forcibly, tenderly he laid me down in the clearing beside the river and started undressing, the sweat forming rivulets and torrents down his skin.
His chest would have made Hercules proud. Sculpted from clay, his heavily defined muscles spasmed, in wanting and in need.
Soon we were both naked, with him kissing, licking every part of my body.
The sound of us panting, pleading and begging almost drowned out the sound of the water cascading against the rocks.
His body pressed against mine, his nipples erect and his breath on my neck transported me to a place not many people ever know exist, let alone reach.
I felt him tense, and speed up, as if some eternal clock had just started ticking. And I felt myself tense too, and when we came, it was together. At that millisecond, I knew he was the one.
Oh, you can spend a lifetime with different people and say 'He's the one' but know that really, deep, deep down in your heart, that you are wrong.
But at that orgasmic peak of our emotions, I knew. And to this day, I can never forget the look in his eyes when he turned to me and said, "I love you."
I woke up the next morning and ached all over, a testament to the awesome love making that had taken place the day before. A stirring beside me told me that Adam was beginning to awake.
"Morning gorgeous" he said, not even opening his eyes. I looked at the clock beside my bed and was only mildly surprised at the time. I nibbled on one of his earlobes as I said "Don't you mean afternoon, Dear?"
He grunted. "Don't ever, ever call me dear. I ain't old enough."
I tried to look contrite, and said "Good afternoon, Dearest?" I was rewarded with a whack on the head with a pillow.
"Bit*h!" Adam laughed and said, "You know I'm your bit*h" I replied, smirking "So you know who's in charge then?" Adam just glared at me.
I pulled my side of the covers down, and slid out of bed. "Well," I said "Are you gonna stay there all day?"
He laughed again, his special joyous laugh that could make my heart melt a thousand times. I however tried to look angry and said "If you're not getting out of bed, you're not getting feeding."
Adam smirked, "I think I got enough feeding yesterday." As I walked towards the bathroom, I shot back "Some of us do have to work for a living, you know!" Another grunt was what consisted of Adams reply.
Just as I was finishing my shower, Adam crawled into the room. He looked as if he had been hit repeatedly by a ten tonne truck.
"It's nice to know that you are such a morning person." I said as I stepped out of the shower, into the morning mist. "I'm more of an evening person, but anytime that makes you happy." Innuendo etched in his voice. "Are you ticklish? Cos I think we may have to find out." "No I am not!"
I tried to escape but Adam was standing in front of the door. I made the mistake of exposing one of my sides, and Adam took his chance. "No stop!" I almost screamed in hysterics.
Adam pulled me close and kissed me deeply.
I spent the most of the day sitting at my desk staring at the wall.
The only thing that made my day bearable was the knowledge that Adam would be at home waiting for my return.
I was in such a love filled haze that I didn't notice my best friend Kate say 'hi' to me.
"Earth to John!" She spoke loudly, shaking me out of my daydreams. "Er...Hi Kate" I said, embarrassed at my lack of attention to her. "You got laid last night I see. Right" She said, speaking so fast that I couldn't even get a single word in "I want all the details. Is he cute? Is he good in bed?" I jumped in as she stopped to take a breath, "Whoa! How do you know I've got laid? And even if, hypothetically...I had you know that I never give details."
She grinned, it was that kind of grin which tells you 'you're gonna tell me, one way or another'.
"Well," she said "I'd leave here if I were you, since it is 30 minutes after 5pm." I looked up at the clock on the wall, "Oh sh*t!"
I grabbed my coat, agreed to meet Kate latter in the weekend and jumped into my car.
Adam was waiting for me when I got back.
He was sitting on the couch watching television when I came in. He didn't even turn his head when I came in. "Where were you?" He asked a laugh in his voice. "I lost track of time, I'm sorry," I said, hanging my coat in the hallway.
I went over to the couch and kissed Adam passionately. After I had finished Adam said, "Wow. What was that for? I lay on the couch with my head in Adam's lap. "I don't know. But I just couldn't resist." I said, with my most lusty smile I could muster. "You like subtlety don't you?" "Well, you and I both know what we want. I love you and you love me. Do you believe in a God?"
I asked rather seriously. Adam looked quite startled at my slightly out of place question.
"That's a very big question to answer considering your head is in my lap, and also that you're undoing my trouser zip with your teeth." I moved my lips to his, a signal that no more words were needed.
On Monday something happened that shattered my trust, my faith and my love. I was at was at work, it was 1pm and as usual I had virtually nothing to do. My boss, Collin, was always very flexible when it came to work so he said to me "Jamie, since you have nothing to do today, and considering that you always do overtime, why don't you leave early today?"
I was surprised to say the least, but very quickly agreed from fear that Collin would change his mind. So I go out into the car park, climbed into my car and switched on my CD player.
Screaming guitars and racing drums guided me home, and my mind started to drift. I started thinking about fate. Had fate intervened when I met Adam that day? Were we fated to meet? These questions, I thought, would only be answered when I die. But it feels good to ponder those answers. My hands started tapping out the beat on the steering wheel, my heading nodding in time with the music.
When I arrived, I noticed a strange car in my drive, so I parked out on the street. Stepping out of my car, into the rain, I walked the short distance up my drive. Then I pulled the keys out of my pocket and opened the door. Closing the door behind me I hung my coat up in the hall and walked into the living room.
I heard some curious noises as I walked into the room; they were almost like the sound of... That's when I saw it.
As I write this I try to imagine the shock, horror and pain I experienced then. The hardest part is putting it into words, but people who have been used by someone they loved will understand.
Suffice to say I was not happy when I stumbled over my lover's affair.
I did not notice the tears in his eyes, in mine as I calmly, unemotionally packed his stuff in a suitcase.
In a quaking voice, that revealed I would never escape the pain I said, "Get out. Get out now! And don't ever, ever, ever! Come back."
Adam picked up his suitcase, turned to me and said, "I will always love you." I was too hurt, in too much pain to even reply. With the sound of the front door slamming shut I finally broke down.
I spent hours not moving from my chair sobbing silently to myself, questioning what had I done. What I had I done wrong? How could I have trust some one so much, then have my heart ripped out of my chest like a faulty circuit pulled out of an old computer.
Do you know what it feels like?
Do you know what it feels like to connect every smell, taste or sound with a lover past?
I spent days in my house; not moving, not eating, not sleeping and above all, not caring.
The phone would ring several times a day. I wouldn't even bother to answer it. The noise echoed around the empty house. Occasionally I hear sirens outside.
I kept wondering; would I ever love again?
I eventually managed to pick up some of the pieces, and go to work. Adam kept trying to contact me.
He would phone me in the morning, in the evening even at night. I would never answer, and listen to his desperate messages on my answer phone.
Sometimes I would cry at the thought of never loving again. I would cry at the memories in our bed, at the love we once held. I would cry at the thought of spending hour's everyday alone in the dark, without someone warm to hold.