I sank into a deep depression when Adam died. I thought the hardest thing I had ever done was leave him, but really the hardest thing to cope with was him leaving me.

I stood watching as the priest said 'ashes to ashes, dust to dust.'

I couldn't help but think; 'Adam this is not goodbye.'

I could tell you the whole story; but that's all I can ever do. Just tell it, not change it.

I could tell you about the sleepless nights, the nights when I would just cry or the nights I got so drunk I couldn't think at all.

Everything I say or do now can't change what happened.

I now sleep in the knowledge that, when it's my time to depart from this earth, Adam will be waiting for me up there.

A tear traced its solitary way down my face as I finished writing the last sentence.

It was late morning, and the sun was starting to shine brighter and warmer.

The smell of summer was in the air, and pollen floated into my open window on the breeze.

I needed to take a break.

So I grabbed my car keys and walked out into the sunshine.

It was going to be hot today.

I parked up just where the trail started.

The smell of vegetation hit me like lightning when I jumped out of the car. It was beautiful.

I had always loved summer here.

I watched as small clouds floated across the sky, like small pieces of foam in some tropical sea.

I walked up the path, and about 100 yards in, there was a fork in it.

I went left, which led to a small local cemetery.

I hadn't been there since his funeral. Snow covered everything like a comfort blanket, insulating the bare vegetation from the chill in the crisp winter's atmosphere.

He and I loved it here, but I didn't feel strong enough to return up until now.

But walking along familiar paths, smelling familiar plants gave me a small glimmer of closure.

I bent down, and placed the small bunch of flowers and placed them lovingly on his grave.

I spoke out loud; "Adam, I've missed you so much." Tears were forming in my eyes as I said this. I'm sure if someone were watching this they would have thought I was crazy, but I was beyond caring.

"I graduated a couple of weeks ago, you should have seen it. Margaret was there, almost hysterical actually." I wiped a tear from my eye.

"Don't worry my love; I'll be with you soon."

You see, I'm not well either.

But I suddenly felt this great release from my soul, as if some unbearably heavy burden had been removed.

I had ultimately come full circle kneeling just a few hundred meters away from where Adam and I had met on that warm summer's afternoon.

I felt this, strength, within me that was never before me.

It was as if a guardian angel had come down to protect me.

I laughed.

I must have been quite a sight to any impartial observers, but that didn't matter now.

A small smooth breeze set leaves dancing on the trees, and somewhere in the distance a little bird sang.

It was drowned out by a million other noises in the woods that day, but it was there all right.

It was a dove, which you never see in these woods.

But it was there.