55I had decided to quit my dead and job and get myself an education. Quite a radical change of heart led me to believe that I wanted to teach. More specifically I wanted to teach my high school favourite subject; Chemistry.
I was walking towards college when I saw Adam. Just seeing the beauty emanating from him like a tangible halo broke my heart even further. The pain almost making me sick. The pain brought with it hate, hate so fierce it threatened to swallow my soul. Yes hate. Why do I hate Adam? I loved him. Perhaps hate and love are two sides of the same coin? Well, mine must have landed on its edge. I felt fresh tears welling up inside of me; fortunately he had not seen me yet. Taking my opportunity, I quickly entered the college. Why am I doing this? Why am I playing a game of cat and mouse with an ex lover? I had always been confident; everyone always said that I was mature and sensible. Then why was I taking the actions I was now? All such thoughts were quickly brushed away as I saw James walking down the stairs. If words were people, then James would have been cute. He was thin, with short blond hair and brown eyes. "What's up, lover boy? Or should I not ask?" He smiled. James can turn virtually anything into a dirty joke. He could be very sweet though too, he had a good heart below all that innuendo.
"I guess I'm ok." I said no real confidence in my words. "Still pining for Adam are we?" He asked as we walked towards the canteen. I shook my head at James, a faint grim smile playing over my lips. "I don't pine for anyone." James laughed. "Everyone pines for everyone." "Like you pine for me" James lost his smile. Inwardly I kicked myself It was hardly a secret that he liked me more than simply a friend. I looked at the clock and exclaimed, "Shit! I've got to get to class!" So I hurriedly said by goodbye, and unknown to me, James looked after me and muttered something imperceptible under his breath. After class, I caught up with James down in the canteen again. He was holding what looked like a half finished cold coffee. He was staring off into space, seemingly a million miles away. He jumped out of it when I approached his table. I indicated d tepid drink. "Would you like another?" I asked. James thought for a moment. He nodded, "Ok then. Thanks." "No problem." I replied, heading towards the hot drink vending machine. Fishing inside my pocket for some small change, I pulled out the correct money and slipped it into the slot. I carried the two fuming drinks towards the table where James was sat.
"What class did you just have?" He asked. "Chemistry." I answered, sipping at my hot drink. "You know, you must be insane to do a class like that." He suddenly looked worried. "What's wrong?" I asked worry etched in my features. "I just had a horrible thought. You as a doctor." I playfully kicked him under the table. "Mind you," he said, "it wouldn't be that bad being a doctor. At least you'd get paid for doing anal examinations!" I kicked him again as a bright red blush spread itself across my face. The canteen had en recently refurbished, but whoever had designed it had some interesting ideas about colour schemes. The walls were light blue, the chairs were beige and the floor was some sort of green plastic material. It was like stepping into a time machine and going back in time to where retro was cool. I smiled inwardly as I read the college motto on the wall, it was a on a big orange poster with Black lettering that clashed badly with the rooms décor. Respect yourself and respect others. We finished our drinks and walked out of the ornate entrance and down the marble steps towards my car. The clouds hung low and dark grey, threatening an afternoon of torrential rain.
As I climbed in, James grabbed my hand firmly. "I love you." He said, looking deep into my eyes. I looked away, not able to speak for a few moments. It seemed to be so long since I had heard those very same words spoken by Adam. Wordlessly, I started the engine and pulled away from the college. I only live a ten minute drive from college, so sooner than I perhaps wanted we had arrived home. We stepped in and I turned on the light. Chucking the accumulated pile of letters onto the kitchen top, I asked "Would you like a drink?" "No, I think I'm all caffeine out." He sat on one of the high backed dining chairs and said, "Why are you avoiding the subject?" I didn't understand, and voiced my confusion. "Well, ever since I said 'I love you' in the car you haven't even said a word about it." I was silent for a few moments. Then I answered, "I like you, I really do. And you're really attractive but." '.we haven't got a hope in hell?" He filled in. "I wouldn't say that, but I don't think it's likely." James stood up, and moved towards me turning serious. "So I have got a small chance, one tiny little chance?" Against my better judgement I answered, "Yes." "Good." He moved even closer to me and placed a hand n my cheek. Slowly our lips met, sending sparks of electricity down my spine. His hands gripped my buttocks, and I slid my hands down his boxers. My hands were almost singed with the heat in his loins. We moved towards my bedroom, not parting for a moment. James almost threw me onto the bed, still passionately kissing me. I felt the silky, almost downy hair on the small of his back. His lips travelled down my body, lingering at certain areas such as my nipples and my belly button. He kissed me over every part of my body. Then he travelled back up my body again, and kissed me hard. His tongue explored new territory.
I felt him through his boxers, his penis barely caged by the thin, white material. A small wet patch formed near the tip of his penis, and he groaned as I gently rubbed the head. I smelt his skin, and the need in his eyes. To be wanted is an incredible feeling. I had spent the last three months feeling used; it was if I wasn't good enough for Adam. But even as we kicked off our underwear and James entered me slowly but firmly, the slightest doubt entered my mind. He isn't the one. Quickly I pushed that thought out of my mind, as the fever of lust swept all rational thought away. A few hours later, James was sleeping deeply next to me. I, on the other hand, couldn't sleep at all. I was too scared. Too scared of admitting in my dreams that I just didn't love James, and probably never would. He turned in his sleep, and the covers shrouding his slim frame slipped just a bit lower. They revealed a little hairline travelling down from his belly button to his groin. I gently pulled the covers up again, not wanting to disturb James's silence. I slowly closed my eyes, not wanting to disturb the empty echoes inside of my heart.
The morning light streamed in through the blinds of my bedroom window, temporarily blinding me before I had even properly woken up. Soft snoring beside me indicated that James had still not woken up. I quickly saw the reason why when I glanced at the clock beside my bed. 7:12 am.
I ached from the previous nights exertions. Long forgotten muscles moaned as I shifted towards the edge of the bed. I moved stealthily, not interrupting James's slumber. I looked over at him and a smile planted itself on my lips. A small wet patch was on the pillow, just below his mouth. I shook my head at realising that James drools in his sleep. He was very cute and watching him drool in his sleep certainly was very amusing. Oh well, if I don't get up now I won't ever, I thought. I plodded quietly over to my underwear drawer and pulled out a fresh pair of boxers. I slipped them on, and then started to pick up the clothes we had shed the previous night.
I looked at James again, and watched the slow rise and fall of his smooth chest. He looked five years younger when he was asleep, I mused. With a sigh I turned around and walked out of the room. I placed our clothes into the washing machine and started to prepare for breakfast.