I Lock Myself Up

I lock myself up
In a world of
My own creation,
Afraid to let
Anyone in.

I lock myself up
In my room
Alone, never socializing.
You can't miss
What you don't have.

I am alone,
Always alone. With
Only my books,
Video games, anime,
And people of my own
Creation for company.

I keep my feelings
Locked up inside,
Never telling anyone
How I feel. Never
Letting anyone get
Close. No one can
Hurt me if I don't
Let them in.

I lock myself up
In a world of my
Own creation,
Trying to keep
The sadness, the
Loneliness at bay.

No one sees
The real me, the
Sad, lonely little girl
Who cries out for
Friendship. All they
See is the quiet girl
That gets good grades,
An over-achiever
Some say.

I'm so alone, even
When I'm with my
Friends I'm on the
Outside, left out of the
Loop, not included.
I have no close friends
And I'm so lonely
That I want to
Cry and cry until
I have no more
Tears left to shed.
But no one knows
This, I don't let
Anyone in and
No one bothers
To push harder,
To force me to
Open up.

I lock myself up
In my room,
Always alone,
Never socializing.
Always coming up
With reasons not
To go places with
My friends.
What's the point?
I'll just be ignored
Like always.
Sometimes I feel
Like they don't
Really want me
Around. So I stay
Home, alone.
You can't miss
What you don't have,
Right?

Doesn't anyone care
Enough to try to get
Through, into my
Self-imposed prison?
No, I guess not or
Is it that the mask
That I wear is so
Flawless that they
Can't see the real me?
I guess it really
Doesn't matter, I'm
Content being alone,
No one can hurt me
This way and I
Can't miss what
I don't have.

10-19-02