Beautiful green plastic sits in my living room
adorned with silver gold and glitter
colorful lights that flicker
spiriling up to the star glowing on the very top.
mistletoe hangs in the doorway
alone in the vacant doorway
no one will pass through the doorway this year
no one will love me this christmas.

The house is alive and breathing
family and friends drunk on their happiness.
a single tear drops and sinks into the white tablecloth
it's all alone. who wants to love a single tear anyway?

I hold a small black velvet box in my shaking hands
the december wind sends chills down my back
just like she did when she kissed me the first time.
i keep staring forward
i don't even know what lies ahead.
will i turn back to the abuse?
will i go back to her?
go back, and relive the pain of her decline?
go back, and relive the pain of his hand?

my stomach turns.
i open the black velvet box slowly
revealing two glittering tokens.
one a smooth token of devotion
the other a sharp reminder of freedom.

she'd never know it was to be hers
she'd never see her name engraved inside it
she'd never know i slipped it around my own lonely finger
or that i watched my blood crawl down my skin
climb over the silver
stroll down to my fingertips
and merge onto the rose i hold lovingly

the reminder of freedom only frees me for a minute or so
mocking my fear of death
i turn to him
leaving the bloody rose at the bridge
the december wind sending it toppling over the edge
the mistletoe slips from its hook
falls to the floor as i fall to my knees.
i look up at him reluctantly
and i realize
that no one will love me
this christmas.