"Love Sick Freaks"

In this world, love is given such a high marking. It's supposed to be the reason for life and purpose. I guess I'd be able to understand that if it wasn't for the rest of the teenage population. For years, my single life has not been a problem of mine. My independence was good for me, teaching me things that it takes other girls years to figure out. Maybe because of that, my wits and thoughts are quite a bit different from the rest of the world. I don't mind the fact that I am considered different, what bothers me is that everyone wants me to be the same.

Have you ever been constantly reminded of what you wish you had? It's like you are craving a cookie but there isn't a cookie anywhere you can find. Then, your best friend comes over to you bragging that she got the best cookie in the world, and worse; it's your favorite, chocolate chip. That's how life has become. I am constantly reminded of the fact that there is no one wanting to take me out on dates or buy me flowers. I don't have a certain someone that makes my heart jump for joy and my knees go weak. I'm kind of glad; I do like the fact that I still have my sanity. But there are times, like this, when I am a little down because I am utterly alone.

If I wasn't reminded of my status in relationships, maybe it wouldn't be so much to bear. But constantly, all I hear about is everyone's delirious happiness with there main squeeze. I wish they'd just squeeze me to death, because it's becoming a little lame. "Oh my God! You will not believe what my boyfriend did for me last night?" I'm sure he did something wonderful, and if I cared I would ask you what he did. But ok, I don't. Or how about, "Oh my girl is so sweet; she called me last night and told me she loved me." Really, that's so great. Obviously you have no life, you pathetic loser. I'm sure she does love you, but I bet she's the only one.

Then there are the friends that are just so completely boy crazy that you wonder how in the world they survive without someone by their side. "What if he doesn't call me? What if he doesn't want to go out with me? I will just die." So die then, nobody wants to hear about your pathetic excuses for why he doesn't want to have anything to do with you. I can see why, you're stupid.

I also just love when your friend calls you JUST to talk about their significant other. "Hey! How are you doing?" "Fine." "That's great. Guess what Jack did for our 1 month anniversary last night?" I don't know. I don't care. Call me when you want to know about my life.

Then there's the obvious sickness called the "Third Wheel". Your friend wants to go out with you, but wants to bring her beau along. Then they hold hands and talk about how cute each other is, while you are walking slowly behind them, wanting to pull out a nine and bust some caps. After all, dead people are a lot easier to deal with.

There's also the lovely habit of PDA. Just this evening, I was sitting across from a guy and his girl. He was trying in every possible to find some reason to touch her. Once and a while, he'd lean over and kiss her neck. I was sitting there, trying to get the barf taste out of mouth. Is it really necessary to get freaky with your girlfriend in front of a bunch of people? Do they not realize that it's gross? I mean I know you both have tongues, and I can tell by the look in his eye and the bulge in his pants that you both want to do a little more than what you are. So here's some cash, there's a Days Inn around the corner. Get you some and leave it there.

One of my favorites is when they fight. They fight over the stupidest things and they think that I, for some reason, understand it. "Hey Jack and I got in a fight because he doesn't like the jeans I wore to his cousin's house last year. I don't know what to do, I'm crying so much and he won't talk to me. He thinks denim is the devil now. What should I do?" Uh, well, let's see retard, you buy some khakis, dry your tears, and get a freaking clue. I mean, really, read the book of DUH.

When they finally notice that you are slightly annoyed by their love sick tendencies, they began asking you to go on blind dates. That's worse than being alone. You're there, on a double date, with your friend and their significant other. They are laughing, talking, and occasionally sucking face. Then there's you, sitting next to a sure fire dork, who keeps asking you if you like monster trucks and chewing tobacco. So you twist your hair around your finger, watching the cute waiter, while your date is talking about the string of bass he caught with his Papa last week. Suddenly, you feel as though you're date is beginning to look like a bass himself; a dumb bass.

Interestingly enough, they continue to bother you about dating. "You're a good girl, you should be dating someone." I'm a good girl. Wow, thanks. I was hoping I was a sex goddess that no man could resist. "You have such a great personality, you'll find someone." Yeah, I have a great personality. What about my looks, terd face? But I guess you have to give them credit for trying. (Although, maybe you should also kill them for trying)

When you're finally interested in someone and they don't seem to be interested in you, you're friends chime in with the wonderful phrase "there are so many other fish in the sea." Yeah, why don't you jump in the ocean and find them. I mean if that isn't the lamest line I've ever heard in my entire life. Or how about, "Oh well you don't need a man anyway." Excuse me? I never said I needed a man. I know that I don't need a man, unlike you who cannot function two seconds without him calling you. Yeah, you love sick freak.

Then comes the break ups. "I'm so upset; he broke up with me for Cindy, that slut in fourth period. You're so lucky you don't have to deal with this." Finally, somebody has some sense. What are you supposed to say? "Oh, I'm sorry. I hope things work out"? You can't say that, you would be lying. Secretly you're thinking, why can't they just break up and get it over with. Oh well, I guess the secret is safe with me.

This is my tribute to all you love sick freaks. I hope you have a wonderful, loving, satisfying, deep relationship with that someone special. I hope that when you're down, they come along with cheer and happiness. I hope that he buys you a big bouquet of flowers when he's done something wrong. I hope she kisses you and you make up. I hope that you will continue to be deliriously happy with each other and live forever in a blanket of comfort and pure love. I also hope that you will shut your pie hole about it and let it be what it is, a bunch of mushy crap. I hope you don't expect me to give you good advice when he breaks your heart or when she finds someone new. I hope you also realize just because I'm single doesn't mean I'm unhappy, so stop thinking that way. But most of all, I hope you grow together in love and life and leave me the hell alone. So to all you love sick freaks out there, screw you and your momma.