50Chapter 11: The Flooding of the Past
*Carmen's POV*
"Yeah, death." I repeated to myself with Randall staring back at me. "You see, on May 23, my birthday. Shane took me out to a nightclub to celebrate. Oddly, Lydia was there too. As Shane and I were dancing and having fun, She came over and started talking with Shane. Shane let go of me and talked to her while leaving me standing there…looking at them like an idiot. I could feel jealously building up within me." I let out a sigh and felt Randall's intense gaze boring into me. I looked at him and played with a bit of grass around me.
"Since I felt jealous, I kept looking at them, watching, seeing if Shane was still faithful to me. Lydia knowing that I was staring laced her arm around him and started moving towards the exit. Shane seemed to follow her willingly and he also placed his arm around her. I felt my heart break. And just hoping I was seeing things. I wasn't."
=Flashback=
My heart started to slowly crack like ice. Sharp shards seem to be stabbing at my heart relentlessly. It hurts. It is so painful. I quickly ran in between people to get to Shane before he left. Too late. He just opened the door and closed it. This only infuriated and damaged me even more. How fucking dare he leave me without saying anything!?
"fucker," I swore. I tore through the crowd even faster, and managed to get to the exit and threw open the door.
I could see Shane and Lydia jaywalking across the street. They were about halfway across when I shouted to Shane.
"Shane, where are you going?"
"Taking Lydia home. She's feeling sick," he yelled back.
"Oh…" I mumbled. I looked up again and yelled, "Are you just going to leave me here?"
He looked stunned by my words not realizing that he was leaving me here. Alone and not saying a single word to me before he drove off. He turned towards Lydia talking to her. Am I not good enough for you? Am I going to lose you tonight? Am I? I could feel the tears brimming at the edge of my eyes. Don't cry. You can't cry. Not tonight on your birthday. You can't. Not noticing that he stopped talking to Lydia, I stumbled backwards when I felt a pair of familiar arms surround me.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to leave without telling you," he whispered quietly to me.
"I'm sure you didn't," I snapped angrily at him.
"Carmen. Really. I am. Look at me." I refused to and continued staring at my shoes. One of his hands left my waist and brought it towards my chin and tilted it so that my gaze was brought up to his eyes. "I know you're scared. I know you're jealous. I'm not that stupid and dense." Forgetting that I was upset and angry, I smirked. So this dumbass boyfriend of mine is pretty smart eh? I wrapped my arms around him and leaned my body and head against him. So comforting. He tightened his grip. "But understand, I love you with all my heart and I will never leave you. You may think that Lydia is better than you, but she isn't. She's not sweet and caring like you. Nor is she as honest or have this frankness to her like you do. Don't ever doubt my love for you and that you're not good enough. Because you are or maybe even too good for me. You're all I ever wanted, got that?" He furiously told me with so much emotion in his voice and eyes. God…I didn't know I meant that much to him…geez…how did I EVER find him?
"Oh Shane," I murmured, burying my face in his chest, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for doubting you. I'm sorry. I feel like such a bitch. I do not deserve you one bit. You're too good for me." I pulled back, and looked at him. He was gazing intently at me. I slowly moved my hands up his chest so that they eventually reached his neck. I slowly pulled his face towards for a kiss. His lips met mine, and he gently, but firmly press his lips to me. I was about to pull away, but he pulled me back once more. This time, deepening the kiss and embracing me tighter, pulling me closer to our already close bodies. We finally pulled around. My eyes were glimmering with happy emotions, and his eyes where reflecting my emotions too.
"Go and take Lydia home. I'll see you back here?"
"Ya tiger. I'll miss you." He replied and gave a light butterfly kiss before he left.
I watched him cross the streets. Then halfway across, I called out to him. "SHANE!" He stopped and looked back at me. "I love you." I mouthed. He smiled and mouth the three little words back to me. A smile crept onto my face. God…I love him so much.
My happiness was short-lived, however. Before I could yell a warning, a big truck came rumbling down the street quickly and way over the speed limit, which ran into Shane. The truck didn't even stop. It continued going ignoring what it just did. A fucking Hit-and-run. I stood there in shock not believing what I just saw. I couldn't comprehend what just happened. It's just a dream. A FUCKING dream. "It's just a FUCKING dream!" I yelled at the air in despair. It wasn't. Shane laid crumbled on the floor. I could only stare. My feet wouldn't move. I slowly sunk to the ground when I realized what had just happened. Tears wouldn't fall. The incident just stunned me. I never thought this would happen to my Shane. I slowly crawled over to Shane in the middle of the street. "Shane-bear…Shane? Are you still with me?" I softly chocked out. Blood was splattered all over him and the street. I couldn't tell where he was hurt. His left arm and leg was bent in a weird position, besides that, blood was everywhere. Too much blood. My hand cupped Shane's cheek. "Shane…why'd you go?" I need you. " I love you." Not caring about the blood. I placed my head on his blood-covered shirt. He's gone. He's really gone. Suddenly I felt a slight movement with my hand that was on his cheek. I quickly looked at his face. His lips were moving so I moved my ear closer to his lips.
"Ti..ti..ge..ger..be…str…oo..ng." he spoke with all his strength through his labored breathing."loo..v..ee..y..yo…-" Then his head rolled off. He didn't get to finish his sentence before he died. He is truly gone now. I kept on staring at him. Hoping that he would finish his sentence. Deep down I knew he wouldn't. I just didn't want to believe that. I couldn't stand it anymore. I buried my head into the blood stained crook of his neck and cried. I just cried. My tears streamed down my face. Nothing could stop them. I wrapped my arms tightly around him, hoping for a miracle that that will never come. I curled myself closely to Shane's body while his warmth slowly left him. Bye Shane. I'm sorry…I didn't mean to kill you. When the realization that I caused his death by stopping him for those mere seconds, guilt plagued me. I killed Shane. I killed my boyfriend. I killed Shane. The words just kept repeating through my mind relentlessly. I felt so…soo…unworthy…worthless…I should have died. That's what should have happened. I cried even harder. This was my entire fault and nothing could erase the pain that bore down upon me at the moment.
A/N: Man…and I thought I could get this up sooner. I just have this BADDASSS case of Writer's Block…It's fackin killing me…I couldn't think of anything for Chap. 12. That was why I was taking so long. I wanted to write Chap 12 before I got chap 11 up, but since I made you guys wait long enough…I figured I should just give you what I got so far…I have NOTHING else after this. Shit…so you might have to wait til school starts before my muse starts working. It only works when I'm bored. Bleh.
Ooo btw, I started a new story. I probably shouldn't cos this story isn't even completed. DON"T WORRY tho…I have every intention of finishing this story. =) just that the other one might get my brain working…hopefully..::clobbers my muse::
~~~Thanks to:~~~
Melody1: O man…SO SORRRY =((( I promised I would update faster but I didn't. oye…I'm just like you…a bad case of Writer's Block…grrrr how much I hate it! AT least this chapter doesn't leave you hanging…=) oOo and yup yup…you ARE famous on the world of :P
princess of the desert: I trying to write more…hopefully the length of this chap makes up for my long absence…I can't say the same for the next chap..that one is like ugh..over my head =/ I'm at loss after this chap.
Metallicafangirl: oye…yeah pain is bad..but it also thickens the plot =/ and puts me in a tight spot ::glares at my terrible predicament at the moment::
Itty Bitty: ::Grinz:: thanks. Glad you think it's awesome =)
Bottledinsideme: yikes . I hope you didn't forget too much of the plot! I kno I dind't update in a REAAAALLLY long time again…::Growls:: so sorry.