Never Again, Never Another

Author's Note: Um… sorry for lack of updates lately. I've had it done for awhile, but for some odd reason it was in my 'Unfinished' folder, and I just today noticed. At first, I HAD planned on writing more, but I guess I must've forgot to change folders. Oh well.

Anyhow, about the actual story- yes, this one IS sorta morbid. On the plus side, it does have a happy ending, so no yelling at me. *cough* And- PLEASE REVIEW! Come on people, have a heart. I LOVE comments on my writing- whether you hated it or not. People just telling me that it's 'good' or 'awesome' or whatever is just giving me a big ego, and we wouldn't want that to happen, now would we? *folfmao*

I wrote all of this, so steal this and… -looks around- bad things will happen, that might result in memory loss and/or a large hospital bill.

The thanks to this story goes to Trav… I love you! Thanks for everything… :)

Oh, another thing- I'll beg your forgiveness in advance for any mistakes/typos, since I don't have a beta (*cough* hint hint hint!*) and I tend to type faster than I think, so I don't notice those things. :)

Read On, and Review!

"Never again, never another," she whispered softly. "I promise, baby…. I promise."

A tear slipped off her cheek, and hit the tombstone, with many more following it.

"Oh God, baby, I miss you so much! It hurts, so badly, not having you to talk to, not having you to hold, not being able to hear your voice or even tell you "I love you" even just one more time, and hear you say it back…

"What hurts even more is having our little girl, the child we created together, ask where Daddy went and why he can't come home. How am I supposed to be able to explain it to her when I don't even know the answer myself?

"I don't understand why God took you. I wish He would've taken me instead, because I've forgotten how to live without you. We'd been together for over nine years, and in that nine years, I don't think we had more than three or four days when we didn't talk to each other, and even then it wasn't by choice.

It's been two weeks since you died… two weeks of going home to a cold bed, two weeks of crying myself to sleep… It's so unbelievably hard to live without you, baby… but, I guess I've got to go on, don't I? I love you…"

"It's been a month, baby. One entire month without you. Christmas came and went… God, that was hard. I burst into tears when I put the "Our First Christmas" Precious Moments decoration on the tree. I remember when we bought that… you told me to pick any ornament I wanted. Right away, I picked that one… it fit us, perfectly.

Our baby girl had her first Christmas without her Daddy. She misses you, baby… I do, too. God, I miss you…

Never again, never another. I promise, baby…"

"It's been five months since I've come. I'm sorry… I still think about you, every single day. Our little girl is getting so big… I can hardly believe that her second birthday was last week… she looks so much like you now. She has your eyes, your smile, everything, but only more feminine. She's so beautiful, you'd be so proud of her. I can't look at her, though, without thinking of you and wanting to cry. She has your eyes, and she has your way of knowing that I'm sad. She knows how much Mommy misses Daddy…

I've almost gotten used to you being gone… for the first few weeks, I woke up and was surprised when I didn't see you lying next to me. Now… I'm not surprised, anymore.

I never thought I'd even be able to say this, but I'm almost afraid that I'm going to forget you. Not forget you, entirely, just… little things about you. Like the way you laugh, or the way your lips felt against mine…

You told me, that last day in the hospital, that if you didn't make it, you wanted me to go on, to make sure that our baby has a happy life… and to remarry, if I felt that God wanted me to, so she can have a Daddy in her life. At the time it seemed impossible, because it didn't even seem like you could die. I promised you, we promised each other, 'never again, never another.' But I also promised you I would make sure that our little girl has a daddy in her life. So, which promise do I keep? I'm scared to fall in love again, baby… I do want to, a little, but mostly I just want to be happy. Yet, I don't know how I could be happy without you here, with me…"

"Happy birthday, dear. I'm sure you're having a great time in heaven, but today is hell for me down on earth. It's only been a few weeks since I've been here… and I promise to try to not leave a puddle of tears at the bottom of your tombstone this time, baby. No guarantees, but I'll try.

My birthday was two days ago, but I'm sure you remembered. I watned to come then, but our baby wanted to have a party for Mommy, just us. She put out three of her little tea cups, and when I asked her who the third cup was for, she said it was for Daddy- you.

Well, I tried, but I'm crying now, baby… I explained to her again that you were in Heaven, and couldn't visit, but she still thought you'd come. I guess she has more faith than I do, because when I apologized later that you couldn't come, she smiled and said, "Yes, he did, Mommy. We just couldn't see him"

And later that day, a few friends took me to the bar, sorta for a girls night out. I didn't drink at all, and the first slow song they played, I had to leave. I cried all the way home…

I'm trying, baby. Really. But maybe it's too soon… I love you."

"It's been a year, to the day, since you died. The longest year of my life… our daughter still mentions you all the time. She's stopped asking where you've gone, though. Whether or not she understands now, I don't know, but… for so long, I was worried she'd forget about you, since she was so little when you died, but I don't worry about that now. She won't ever forget you, and neither will I… I'll always love you, babe."

"Well, Christmas is tomorrow. I won't be able to come then, so I came today. I miss you… I can't believe this will be our second Christmas without you."

She paused there. "This… I don't know how to say. I know you made me promise that I'd remarry if I thought I should, but… I've met someone. He moved here a few weeks ago, and he goes to our church.

I like him, baby. I can't believe it's true, but it is. I've invited him to spend Christmas with our baby and I.

I know you wanted her to have a daddy, and I wouldn't do this if I thought you would be mad, or upset about it. I've tried going on dates with other men… guys from our church, mainly. But they never worked out… I constantly compared them with you, and they always came up short.

Jared is the first that I didn't even compare to you. I like him for him, not because of any similarities between you two. There are some similiarities, I'll admit that, but you're more serious than he is, and there are a lot of other things that are different, too.

He's really good with our little girl, too. She met him the same day as I did, when he just came to our church.

Which reminds me of something… are you communicating with our daughter, somehow? After we left church that first day that we met Jared, she said something really… odd. She said, "Daddy said that Jared should be my new Daddy. Do you think he should be, Mommy?"

I'm going to assume that you really were talking through her, and stick with Jared. I'll always love you baby, always. You'll always be the one I love the most, but our daughter needs a daddy… I love you. Merry Christmas…"

"Our little girl's birthday was yesterday. She misses you, baby. I miss you, too… I miss you so much.

Jared celebrated with us. I was saying goodbye to him, after the birthday girl fell asleep, and he proposed to me. I said yes, baby… I love him. Not quite as much as I love you, but I do.

I still miss you, I always will, and I'll always love you, too. I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't think you would approve. But, I know you, and I know that you want me -and our little girl- to be happy. I love you…"

Author's Note: So how did you like that? REVIEW and tell me! (Come on, I'm doing everything but outright BEGGING! Have a heart!)