Chapter 45

Living in your family and getting your own happy family are two really different things. I realized this once, while I flew back suddenly to New York alone after the ending of the birthday party.

"Are you going now?" Mom asked after I told them I was going back.

"Yes." I looked up and met my mother's loving eyes. She didn't have to say anything and I certainly knew that whatever I did, she would agree with me and wish me the best.

Before I turned on my heel,

"Sam," I heard Megan called me behind.

I turned and saw her and Julia, giving the warming grins to me.

"I wish you good luck." Megan said.

"Thanks."

Julia gently reached to my hands and said, "I'm glad that you finally know what you want, Sam." I looked and met her hazel warming eyes. "Sometimes we don't understand each other. Sometimes we have a fight. But I'm telling you. Whatever it turns out, we're always here for you."

"We love you, Sam." Megan added firmly.

I stared at them almost speechless. It took me for a moment to say only "Thank you," and then hugged them both tight. And in that one moment, I knew precisely what was the meaning of best friend. No matter how many fights we had. No matter whatever happened. I always believed that in the end, they would stand by me and love me no matter what.

I'd got Mom and my two very best friends, who loved me as everything I was. I knew they would be around whenever I need them. But it wasn't enough.

Like Julia had said, "We are getting old day by day. I don't want to be alone in mid sixties, living with only a dog in a big house."

Julia was right. I wanted someone to share my life, my bed, kiss me goodnight and good morning, laugh and cry with me - Someone to start our own happy family together.

And I'd got it and lost it. I had to get it back before it was too late, before there was no return and I would be alone forever. Now I promised. . .. .. .I never let it go again.

'Please. Don't be too late.' I cried to myself quietly, tossing my things in my room. Hurry grabbing my car key, I saw red flash on my answer machine. 'Fuck it. There was no time.'

It was not far from my apartment to Hayward hotel but in the rush time it seemed like eternity to get me there. He shouldn't have wasted his money while we did this separate thing. He could have stayed at the house as I still got my own apartment and could live there. But he told me that this thing happened because of him, because of his fault. No . . .. .. it wasn't.

'Two wrongs don't make right'.

I realized these words once again. There were faults on both sides. I now knew that it was not fair to expect perfection of everyone. Kevin had once accused me of looking for the moon; maybe he had been more realistic than me in his expectations of our marriage.

Nothing was perfect. Even if Ashley and Michelle, maybe it would have been my fault too. At least I did nothing to stop them from making me down. And the way to look for someone else to make me happy was an exact method of tragedy. I had to find happiness in myself and move on whenever everything's matter. And now, I felt pretty good.

There he was, sitting in the hotel lobby. I smiled to myself, taking a deep breath then walked over to my husband, tapped him on the arm and said firmly, "Kevin, could I talk to you in a minute?"

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A/N : I'm tempted to write an epilogue. Does it sound good? Please, tell me.

^_^ s_pannrada ^_^