I live within walls of desire, hate and destruction. I don't know what's real or not anymore, my thoughts seem to keep wandering and my imagination seems to go wild every time I think about how I will turn out, how my life will start…how it will end. I wonder where I will find love, or where I will find hate. I wonder how people will look at me, I wonder how they can live within a cage, and their hands bond together. How can they sort through all of the thoughts rolling through their minds, how can they figure out which thought is worth debating about, and which one can be tucked away deep into their minds?
How can they find it easy to sprout wings and fly, or to dive into the ocean and swim on forever? I can only seem to get a running start, and then fail at the end. I don't know if I'm alive anymore, it seems as if this world is ending so abruptly whenever something happens, yet it won't stop going. Time may seem like it heals everything, but what happens when someone's soul carries scars that cannot be peeled away or concealed, what happens to the person in the world who's strength seems to slip away slowly, their tears are as if they never ended. Their hopes cling to the last drop of energy they have left, and whenever immortality seems as if you can grasp it in between your hands and the light seems as if its darkness is forever hidden inside, to pinch out the tiny bit of signs of reconciliation for a person who's eyes seem to sparkle even though their hearts blacken.
When can we find peace in a world where nothing but human suffering and greed seem to rule us?
What desire seems to drive us over the next hill? What hope let's us look into the sky without crying, without wondering when the stars are going to blink out and disappear…forever…
What's left to fan the flames of love and pure life when all that is left is the destruction we bring upon ourselves, the pain we strive to bring upon the world when we do not feel free…when we do not feel as though our life is worth fighting for?
Where's your hope when love is gone….
And it begins here, a story that seems short, yet seems as if it won't stop adding color to its reality…like the sunrise…
"Defiant, changing, crude, unruly and unfaithful. Why does it seem as though these words can't even graze the reality I live everyday. Am I cursed to look upon this world without true understanding…To open up and reveal the reality inside, I become one with the world…one who sees all, so much to learn, so little amount of time." A girl muttered under her breath from a quote from her journal, her hair hanging down over her face as she sit in her classroom, her classmates all sitting around her, chatting and laughing away before class begun.
She was an outcast, the one people saw as 'disposable'. They saw her as being invisible, the one who could seep through the floorboards and never return. She looked up from her journal, closing it; the seam creaked as she did so. She pushed it into her backpack and sat back, the teacher walking into the classroom. A few classmates looked at her momentarily, with almost pity or disgust, and then scurried to their seats. She felt a lump in her throat, her words echoing through her head.
She sat in the back of the classroom, gazing at the back of everyone's heads, the teachers strong words at the front of the classroom seemed distant to her, as if she couldn't concentrate on his words at all.
"Rivers!" A voice yelled back to her. She snapped out of her train of thought and looked at the teacher, his face full of scorn.
"It seems that you weren't paying attention…maybe it's best that you go and sit in the hall for a while, how does that sound to you!" He barked at her. Rivers blinked and she felt tears behind her eyes as she stood up slowly, making her way down the isle as the class stared at her, snickering and whispering to each other. She exited the room with her teacher's eyes on her back angrily. He walked behind her as she turned around outside of the door to apologize to him but he slammed the door, blocking out anything she was intending to say.
She blinked and stood behind the door, clutching her hands at her sides. She lowered her head and turned away, looking at the desk sitting across from the door on the wall. She walked slowly to the desk, sliding into it and putting down her head, tears rolling out of her eyes. She sobbed in the desk, her hate and shame for the world growing.
Why did they judge her so? Why couldn't they see the girl inside of her…the person she really was…they had to peer at her once and stick up their noses in disgust.
Suddenly she felt a soft tap on her shoulder. She raised her head in alarm and gazed up at a boy next to her, kneeling down beside her. She blinked and wiped away her tears, peering back at him.
"Are you ok?" He asked quietly. She peered around, trying to keep her eyes away from the gaze of the boys.
"I…yes…" She croaked, unsure of what to say. The boy stood again.
"Are you sure?" He asked, his voice sympathetic. She peered up at him, her eyes full of wonder.
"Why…are you doing this?" She asked. The boy blinked with confusion.
"Doing what?" He asked softly. She turned her head and stared at the door to her classroom.
"Being…nice to me…" She said. The boy knelt back down and placed his hand on the desk smiling.
"Because, Rivers, I don't hate you like the others…" He said. Rivers didn't know what to say, her heart suddenly fluttered. He…doesn't hate me? She thought. He cocked his head and frowned. Rivers shifted in her chair, clearing her throat.
"You aren't…being bribed to do this or something? You're not being dared?" She asked. The boy chuckled lightly, shaking his head.
"No, I'm not…I wouldn't accept money from someone just to talk to you…or anyone else for that matter…" He replied. Rivers swallowed hard.
"So…you're not going to spit in my face? Laugh at me? Taunt me or push me into lockers…" Her voice faded near the end. The boy frowned even more, his eyebrows turned in.
"Spit in your face, I will not do, nor will I laugh at you, taunt you or push you into a locker…" He said. Rivers stomach seemed to do a flip-flop, why was he being so nice to her?
"Then what drives you to talk to me after all of this time?" She asked. The boy smiled.
"Sometimes, when you grow older, and enter a new phase of life you can't help but mature…some of us don't know how, and some of us do. Most of us don't know how to change our old ways, and accept the way people were born into this world…I could tell from the first day you sat alone in the cafeteria, the day you sat in the back of all of your classes, or walked in the hall with your eyes cast to the floor, your journal clutched to your chest…I just knew you weren't dumb, or ugly, or mean like people describe you to be…just lonely…" He said softly. Rivers felt a chill wash over her…who was this boy and why hadn't she seen him before?
"Who…who are you?" She asked. The boy smiled and stood, his hair shinny in the light of the doorway down at the end of the hall.
"You can call me Tai, if you like…" He said. Rivers blinked and thought for a minute, the name seemed familiar to her, yet it did not.
"Tai…" She repeated slowly. The boy nodded and turned away.
"I have to be going now though…nice talking to you Rivers! And if you ever want to, at lunch join me at my table of friends! You'll just have to trust me…" He said and walked away, his footsteps fading as he turned a corner. She watched him a moment, her heart racing. Had she just made a new friend?
A few days later she sat at Tai's table, laughing and talking it out with him and a few of his friends, they didn't look at her like she were weird or stupid, they gave her a chance.
Her eyes seemed to lighten up as time went on, her face didn't seem so dark anymore, the light inside of her growing.
Years have passed, and she continued to write in her journal, until that fateful day her graduation came, her and Tai's friendship grew even daily.
The day she saw him walking up to accept his diploma, his smiling face seemed to make her happy. She felt as if nothing could go wrong anymore, the tiny specks of her life before her never faded, instead it seemed to make her stronger, and when she walked up the platform to take her diploma people cheered and clapped. She couldn't help but smile.
And as time passed and she fell in deep love with Tai, they finally got married. They lived happily for years, having kids of their own, jobs of their own. Love seemed as if it had always been there, she just never took it.
She lived happily everyday of her life from then on, until her dying day. Her loses before then seemed small and obsolete, they didn't matter anymore. She just knew that if she hadn't talked to Tai that day she would have been in that darkness in the corner, always watching and crying. She would have died sad and lonely. But she was shown love, she was given friendship.
Making it into heaven with final love, with a peace she couldn't explain made everything seem as though it was washed away like the sand on a beach, and warmth was as real as love.
A making of one person, they are born and they die. Between then is up to them…
One person can make a difference, a chance, to talk to them, encourage them, let them be a friend can change a life…forever…
And when someone tells you what beauty really means, it shouldn't be what someone's outer beauty is, how undevine they seem, or how they always seem invisible…
But love can only define one thing, that little light rising above the edge of the earth to light the land, to warm it…
Beauty can only come from…
Our Only Sunrise.
E/N: the moral of the story is…open up your heart and let someone in no matter who they are, and you've just changed a life and your own life…