~hello! This is just an experiment… am not sure if anyone is actually going to read this, lol. But this is the first story I've had up here in a long, long time and I guess, I just want to see how people take to it. There's more than just this one chapter, so I may put more up if it… is well received, I guess! Anyways, I'm Kate, and this is the first chapter of Purple… I hope you like it! xx~

Chapter One


Take me away. Take me to a far off place above this steamy atmosphere or into the great depths of the complexity that is beyond human understanding. Take me to that place by any means possible; click your fingers, let me sleep, or put me through living hell. I don't care. It could be worse.

I could be here.

It can be a place of absolute secrecy- no correction; it has to be a place of absolute secrecy. Don' t tell anyone where I am or what I'm doing there. Make it a black hole from vitality; I don't want anyone intruding my hiding place. And yet, even though I'm hiding, it is not temporary, I am going to stay here forever where no-one can touch me and no-one can ever hurt me again.

Could this be paradise? Could this be where I want to go? When Adam and Eve ate the fruit of the forbidden tree, they were living in paradise. There was one rule- and they broke it; and paradise vanished more quickly than water falls out of a tap and spins the base of the sink. Paradise is not paradise if you don't want to be there. I am human after all, I have my weaknesses.

Everybody makes mistakes. But you're supposed to learn from them and accept them as a learning curve, but I cannot move on. There must be a limit somewhere, when the mistake you commit just becomes too unbearable to live with and accepting it is like death itself. I cannot run from the past and I cannot learn from a mistake that I ultimately caused and wanted to happen.

Through my own weaknesses as a human being- a confused 17 year old girl at that, which is even worse than ordinary, 'cos life spins in front of me everyday with choice after choice after choice- somewhere I went wrong and I made the wrong decision.

So I want to get away. Go somewhere far, far away and never be seen to experience my consequences. That could be another death in itself- seeing all my errors unfold around me and hurt the people I forced myself into thinking I loved. And then for them to see me stripped bare with all my faults showing and gleaming stridently in the hot, burning truth. They will not want anything to do with me.

I am a coward. What can I say? I am a human being.


Nervous apprehension fills every single hair that covers my inadequate, odd body. This is new. Have never felt sensations like this before; it's going to be so, so overwhelming. Maybe when I'm actually there it will be too much for me and I'll either just explode or contract within myself.

I've done my best to prepare, but it's like preparing for the absolute unknown- I have no idea what to expect and God knows what I'll have to do with them all when they come.

But at least I'm doing this. At least I'm standing in front of this mirror with the most beautiful strikingly enchanting peach dress on, which makes me look like I'm somebody else. My hair is all done up to look fantastic too; it falls over my face in a wispy wave of auburn curls. Everything I'm looking at is different to what I normally stare at in the mirror all my days. I feel so completely abstract from myself. Because I am still the same inside, I just have this mask on that I'm hoping will change myself; maybe even improve myself. Inject a little confidence into my stable personality.

It's not that I'm ashamed of who I am- not at all; it's just that I wish I was different. I wish I looked at things differently and felt differently about certain things. But my mind has been brought up to think a particular way; and it's a deep-set in the way of morals, what I think is right, and what I think is wrong. What I wear, and what I don't; what I am and what I want to be.

Being the way I am does have its benefits, though. I'm in a lovely little niche; I feel relaxed and safe about myself and my surroundings. I have people around me who are carbon copies of the former, who love and adore my unfrivolous ways. But it all leads to dissatisfaction.

Now I look down at myself, at the silk fabric covering my skin that in turn conceals my beating heart that is so, so full of emotion and passion that wants to break my shy, inner shell. And the untouched skin that needs marking and needs blemishes, it needs some history in. The peach dress invites visitors. I smile at myself.

I am at last going to fit in.


I don't want to host this party.

I wish it didn't have to happen; not tonight. Amidst all the festivities that are exploding around me, all the happy, joyful faces that stare back at me when I pass shadowly by, I cannot get myself to feel the same way. It's too hard- I can't force myself to just throw everything aside and become everyone else just like that- normally I can because it's so easy just to slot in at the back, put a big grin on and merge in with everybody else's happy state. Sometimes I can even begin to feel happy myself- it has a real effect on me. It rubs off its magic inside of me. And I really do want to be happy this time because it's such a special occasion, but this time, no- I can't.

There is no way I can be a sociable girl tonight, and for God's sake that's crazy, because I'm the host of this party! What impression is this gonna make if the host is completely miserable? No-one's gonna be in the mood to celebrate! And that's not really fair, is it?

But there's this agonizing ache inside of me; it's taking up all of my thoughts, all my emotions are controlled by this… this thing and it's becoming part of me!

Ha- how ironic that it is. How true, that this thing is part of me. It's waiting inside of me… been created out of… well, it wasn't intended to be created in the first place! It's real, though; and I can't ignore it. It's making me so, so unhappy because no-one knows about it and how real it really is.

A problem shared is a problem halved.

But what if that person doesn't want to know your secret; your problem? Then, isn't that like doubling the problem? Making it ten times worse… Oh- my head aches with whether to tell him or not. He needs to know; I do understand that. But I don't want him to know, 'cos I don't want to see all the light in his eyes fade, and all his hopes and ambitions for his future just die around him… that'll hurt me so much and I don't know if I can do it.

But this secret isn't safe with me.



Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben. Hmmm, everything about that whole name is so perfect! Just the way it sounds when you say it, when you think it, and then you imagine the person associated with that name- arragghhh!

It sounds so amazing; and then when you put the two names I'm thinking in my head together- Ben and Katie. Ben and Katie. Ben and Katie… arraghhh! It makes it all sound like one; complete and whole.

Ben and Katie; Katie and Ben. Me and Ben; Ben and me.

Ohhh, it sounds and feels so right. When I get an image of him in my head or someone says his name (or just anyone lucky enough to have that name and I overhear it!), I just get all these shivers down my spine and it's just the most warm, amazing sensation ever.

Maybe it's love! Oh man- is it possible to be in love at this age in my life? I'm only 16! That's just like really naïve and blind of me to think that I'm in love so early on in life, isn't it?

Hmmmm; puppy love, baby love. That's what the 'mature' people would call it, would say that that's what's happening to me. That or it's just major, major lust. And that is true in a way- I do really, really fancy him- he's the most gorgeous guy I have ever, ever known, let alone been with! But there is more to it than just physical attraction- I think that's right to say. Just all these little things that he does that makes me go all giddy; the way he smiles, his little laugh, the way he always touches the back of his neck when he's uncomfortable about something, when he always squeezes my hand back when I squeeze his… arraghhhh, perfect, perfect, perfect for me, and we are so right for each other!

So- tonight's the night. What a better scene than a party to fit the backdrop of what is going to be the most amazing night ever?! Everything has fallen into place so right, and all the weight is off my shoulders, there's just the drive inside me now to make it happen.

I feel ready 'cos I don't care what people say, I know what I feel about Ben and from the way he looks at me, I'm sure he must feel the same way, too.

Tonight we really are going to be one; complete, and whole.